Japanese Ramen
by Rion
Summary: Three Boys. One pledge. A whole lot of Social Stigma....
1. Chapter 1 Enter the Stooge

A hesitant Misato Katsuragi stood in front of the door to her apartment, clutching a bag of groceries to her chest as a young girl would clutch a teddy bear. As anyone who had known her for more than three minutes could have realised, this was not normal behaviour for the Nerv Operations Commander 

"Okay Katsuragi, time to apologise…" she whispered to herself. She swiped her key card through the door scanner, opening the door with a rush of compressed air.

She heard another door open from inside the apartment, followed by the excited waddle of penguin feet on carpet. PenPen rushed around the corner into the hallway, warking happily.

"Hey there boy," she said, smiling despite herself. The pure adoration PenPen gave her (or at least the grocery bag that contained his food for the next week) was enough to hold any nagging problems at bay. She walked into the kitchen and placed the bag on the table, pulling out two cups of Shinji's favourite ramen, a razor and some shaving cream.

It had started a few nights ago, when Misato had been staring at her roommate for lack of anything better to do. At the time Shinji was wearing the same uniform, had the same hairstyle and the same look of concentration she had grown accustomed to as he studied for his end of year final exams. Yet something about him had been different.

It was only when Shinji looked up from his study texts that she realised what seemed so strange about him. A fine line of hair, not even thick enough to be called fuzz, could be seen on the outline of his chin. Shinji had finally started growing some facial hair, although several years later than his peers at school.

Which had, in traditional Katsuragi fashion, led to teasing on a variety of subjects ranging from his late blooming to his raging hormones. Having had one too many Yebisus for one night, Misato had not realised when the teasing had gone beyond making him embarrassed to making him angry. He had been deliberately avoiding her since then. 

Placing the cups of ramen into the microwave, she switched the power gauge from "reheat" up to "boiling hot". Still thinking he was about to be fed, PenPen kept darting around and in-between her legs, warking happily.

"Stop that! I'll cook you up a fish after I see to this," she said, annoyed but still playful.

She guessed that as Shinji's guardian, it was her duty to teach him the stuff that was a father's duty to impart to his son: how to shave, how to knot a tie, how to fish…. Well, maybe she could pawn off the fishing one to PenPen. He probably knew more about the subject than she did.

The microwave alarm dinged and the door popped open. Carefully taking out her peace offering to Shinji, she headed towards Shinji's Lovely Suite.

"I'm coming in!" Misato yelled, knocking on the door.

"DON'T!" Shinji screamed in panic from behind the door. "I'M…."

It was too late. Misato had already begun to slide open the door before Shinji had even opened his mouth. PenPen slipped past her legs and into the room, slipping through while the door was only half-open.

She tried to shut her eyes, but the sight before her forced them wide open again. She had thought that maybe he was getting dressed, but she was wrong. Close, but wrong.

Shinji was lying on his bed, pants removed and boxers hanging around his ankles. Both hands were covering his manhood, all the blood in his body currently divided between his 'Master of Ceremonies' and his perspiration-drenched face. Misato's sweatdrop was so large that within a few seconds she was more drenched than he was.

When Shinji had first moved in, she had expected that something like this would happen sooner or later. She had even tried to catch him out on several occasions, with no success. But as the years went by, the prospect had faded. And now that it was upon her, she didn't know what to say.

"Shinji, I…" 

"GET OUT!"

"I…" she began, taking a step forward. Right onto PenPen, who was standing there in a state of avian shell shock. 

PenPen squawked in pain, trying to get out of her way but knocking straight into her other leg. In the din of cursing and warking that followed, Misato lost her balance and fell forward, sending one of the ramen cups flying through the air.

Shinji had made many bad decisions in his time in Tokyo-3. All the times he had ran away from home and battle, killing a friend and accidentally wounding another… all paled in comparison as he lifted his hands from his crotch and caught the scalding Ramen Cup.

He liked his Ramen hot, but Misato had made it boiling hot. The shock of the heat made Shinji fumble the Ramen cup and drop it… straight onto his unprotected Swartz.

"AUUUURGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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JAPANESE RAMEN  
Chapter 1: Enter the Stooge…./Insert Witty Second Title Here  
By Rion and Seph Khan   
An Operation A801 Ordered Production

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The Ball Stealer was a giant oak tree situated just to the side of Tokyo-3 High School's basketball courts. It has earned this dubious title over the years because when a basketball got thrown up into its branches, it was never seen again. Despite complaints from various school teams playing basketball on the Ball Stealer's court over the years, it had never been cut down. Despite all its faults, it still provided a lot of shade for students to sit under while watching a game, something most people except for the basketballers appreciated.

Sitting at the base of the tree amongst the shrubs and bushes were three high school seniors, leaning against the trunk to stay cool before being called in to start the school day. Two enjoyed the shade while the other loathed it, loathing the tree like only one who has been long spited and denied by something can.

"Come on man, spill the beans!" cried out Touji Suzuhara, the unelected (and uncontested) leader of his merry trio. 

It had been four days since Shinji had last come to school. He hadn't paid a visit to any of their local hang out points like the ramen stand and the arcade, nor had he been available when they called him at home. The excuses and lead around that Misato gave them was more than enough to provoke both suspicion and worry.

"But…"

"Come on Shinji, we haven't heard word or tale from you in nearly a week. We deserve an explanation," said Kensuke Aida, the bespeckled computer geek with the military fetish from hell.

"Well, it's kind of embarrassing…"

"We're your friends, aren't we?" Said Touji, slapping Shinji on the back with his cybernetic arm. "You should be able to tell us anything!"

"That and we're going to pester you to give in, so you might as well tell us and save yourself a lot of hardship…" Kensuke added, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose in a fashion eerily reminiscent of Shinji's father. 

Shinji sighed, knowing that any chance of hiding the sordid details from them was worthless. He couldn't come up with a decent lie even if his life depended on it.

"Alright," he said, "Just as long as you realise I'm swearing you to secrecy…"

"Of course!" The other two chorused, grinning. What they were about to hear ought to be good…

Shinji began to tell his tale of woe and sorrow. At the beginning Kensuke and Touji had to restrain themselves from laughing out loud, but as time went by and the story progressed they had to start fighting back the urge to wince in phantom pain and horror. 

"…Dr Akagi said that if Misato hadn't poured beer over it when she did, I would have wound up with third degree burns" he concluded, sighing. Kensuke and Touji crossed their legs and lowered their hands into their laps out of sympathy. All three were silent for a few seconds before Kensuke said what was on everyone's mind.

"Ouch…"

"You've got that right," said Touji, pounded his cybernetic fist behind him against the trunk of the tree to show his support, as well as in retribution for the half court shot it had stolen from him last week.

On the other side of the tree a basketball fell from the branches on high and hit an injured basketballer also in Shinji's class. Taking the basketball in his hand, he looked up in amazement at the braches above.

"Well I'll be damned…" 

"You can say that again," said his companion, who had not even been looking at him or the ball. He leaned over to the basketballer and whispered into his ear. "Did you just hear what Shinji Ikari said over there?

"No. Why are you whispering?"

"Just listen…" he said, retelling the story to the best of his ability.

One minute later, the basketballer blinked.

"I thought this sprained ankle was painful, but now…"

"Kenji is going to cack when he hears this," said the whisperer, smirking.

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Five minutes later, on the other side of the school. A small clique of senior girls were chatting amongst themselves by the water fountain. 

"You'll never believe what I just heard from Kenji!" said one of them "Shinji Ikari accidentally used lighter fluid the other day as lubricant while jerking off!"

The response from each girl varied.

"Really!? Are you sure?"

"You soooo have to be kidding me…."

"Who's Shinji Ikari?"

"Kenji swears!" said the news bearer, a serious look on her face. "One of his friends overheard Shinji talking about it with the Stooges!"

"That's weird… he never seemed the type…"

"We soooo have to tell everyone about this."

"Stooges? What does an old American show have to do with it?!"

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Ten Minutes later, just at the entrance of Shinji's classroom.

"You so have to hear this man! Shinji sets his pubic hair on fire while masturbating, Purple Monkey Dishwasher!"

"Wow…. that's some serious friction he had going there…"

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Twenty Minutes later…

"And that was 'The Wall' By Pink Floyd" said the Student DJ in the school broadcasting room. Covering his mike, he whispered to his co-host "Who chooses this ancient Gaijin crap anyway?

The co-host shrugged while the supervising Media teacher gestured to keep the show going.

"Oh yes… This next song is dedicated to a very special person. I'm sure he knows who he is…"

The Student DJ cuts the microphone pickup and loads up the song to be played. The opening bars of "I Touch Myself" begin on ever speaker throughout the school.

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And finally, half an hour later in Shinji's classroom. Kensuke and Touji enter on ahead of Shinji, who has had to make a trip to the nurse to refill on ice for his underwear icepack. Much to their amazement, the classroom is near silent, even though the Sensei hasn't arrived yet.

"I don't like the looks of this" whispered Kensuke.

"Act normal, but be ready to run at short notice." Touji whispered back. The two made their way in silence to the back, where they sat in the chairs and waited….

Shinji walked into the classroom to the sound of giggling from a number of the girls. The super human ability that allowed him to know when the joke is on him, even if he didn't know what the joke is about (dubbed "Shinji Sense" by Kensuke) sent tingles down the length of his spine.

Everyone in the class was watching him, either smirking or staring at him in disbelief. Shinji looked to Kensuke and Touji for support, but from the bafflement on their faces had no idea what was going on either..

On some unspoken command a group of boys jumped to their feet and saluted Shinji, fists to chests followed by outstretched arms in the style popularised by last week's World War 2 European history lesson.

"All Hail Lord Ironfists!" they shouted in unison "Heil! Heil!!"

The entire class burst out laughing, with the exception of Kensuke and Touji. Shinji groan was loud but inaudible under the wall of laughter. Shinji clenched his hands into fists and screwed up his eyes in embarrassment.

"God?" Shinji prayed, "Why do you hate me so?"

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Kensuke briefly glanced over at his friend in the other row. Shinji's head was slumped against his computer keyboard, with his hands covering his head. His attempt to hide from the world had met with limited success, as over half of the class was still looking at him.

Kensuke sighed, knowing there was nothing he could for him at the moment. He had tried to message him all morning, but he wasn't responding to any chat prompts. Promising to win the war even though he has lost the current battle, he shut down his link to Shinji's computer and opened up a new chat program, this one connected off the network and onto the Internet. It wasn't long till the person he had been talking to for the past month popped online again and messaged him.

*Kat*: Colonel_Ken? You still there? I miss you! ^x^ 

Kensuke replied, his fingers typing at speeds even a secretary would blush at.

Colonel_Ken : Sorry…. Just wondering about friend… he looks pretty down…

*Kat*: You mean the Ramen one? That story made me LOL :P

Colonel_Ken: Ah yeah… 

Feeling slightly guilty, Kensuke decided perhaps a change of topic was required.

Colonel_Ken: So, how long have we been talking for?

*Kat*: Must be three months now ^_^ Getting tired of me already?

Colonel_Ken : Just wondering, that's all :P

*Kat*: Hey, guess what! My dad finally got the scanner working! You want to see what I look like? :P

Colonel_Ken: What kind of question is that? Of course I do! :-)

*Kat*: Okay then… I'm sending now…

After ten or so seconds, Kensuke's email program started flashing, indicating that he had a new email. Attached to it was a large jpeg image file. Both in dread and anticipation he opened the email and opened the jpeg. '*Kat*' was standing by a lake in a park somewhere in her home country. Contrary to what she had told him, she wasn't ugly in the least. She would never win a supermodel competition of course, but she was still a lot better than what he had mentally pictured her to be.

Colonel_Ken: Why hello there sexy… ^_^

*Kat*: ::Blushes furiously:: Sweetie…

Colonel_Ken : Heh :-)

*Kat*: Well, you know now what I look like… can I have a pic of you?

The moment of truth had arrived for Kensuke. This had gone wrong several times before hand, and he was determined to not let *Kat* get away like the others.

Colonel_Ken : Sending now. Be warned :P

*Kat*: Cool :-)

The email he sent off contained the pic Hikari had taken of the three stooges for Touji's last birthday, and it had turned out surprisingly good (at least the bit with him had). He crossed his fingers, hoping that she wouldn't consider him as bad looking as he had jokingly warned her.

*Kat*: Got it! But there are three guys in this! Which one are you?

Colonel_Ken : I'm the one on the right…

He sat back and waited… and then waited some more. After ten minutes with no reply, the sick feeling in his stomach had grown all the way up to his throat. Fingers shaking, he typed.

Colonel_Ken : You still there?

Within five seconds, he got his reply.

User *Kat* has left chat room. Do you wish to save this session? Y/N

Kensuke sighed and pressed N on his keyboard, heartbroken.

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Touji idly watched the sunset from his position out on the basketball court while he bounced the ball lazily with his right hand. Without skipping a dribble he looked at his watch and then turned his gaze in the direction of his homeroom. He bounced the ball up and tucked it under his right arm.

"Any second now."

Touji spread his feet shoulder width apart and puffed out his chest for added effect. As if on que Hikari Horaki emerged from the classroom and walked over to the boy who was a pillar of confidence moments ago but now just a bumbling idiot. He decided to go for the natural approach and directed a big stupid grin in the direction of the young woman in question.

"Hey babe!"

The glare the rather irate girl tossed him was more than enough of a response for him. His chest deflated and he dropped his basketball that went bouncing off to some undisclosed place on the court. Hikari marched right up to Touji before pulling at his shirt top, bringing him down to her eye level.

"What did I tell you about calling me that on… school… grounds?" She growled.

Touji's mind was spinning. ' Now she emphasised those last two words, what could it mean? Think Touji think! Why did she get so pissed about…'

It clicked. "Oh…"

"Yes… oh."

The boy nervously rubbed the back of his head. "I'm really sorry babe… I forgot about it."

Hikari groaned to herself and started wondering what she had seen in the oaf in the first place. Angrily she tightened her grip on the scruff of his shirt.

"Touji, I'm the class representative, I have to maintain authority no matter if we have a relationship or not. If the other students see you walking all over me they will too. I… WON'T… LET… THAT… HAPPEN!"

Touji was rather concerned now, being that Hikari's hand had moved from his shirt neck to his throat and as squeezing rather tightly at that moment. After a few seconds she released him, straightened herself out and began to walk away.

It then dawned on the young man that he totally forgot to arrange his plans with Hikari for the party at Mana Kirshima's place the following night. Using poor judgement Touji decided to call out instead of trying to catch up to the retreating girl.

"Hikari!" He shouted. "We're still on for Mana's party tomorrow right?!"

Hikari chuckled nervously as several students who were going home from cleanup duty and other extra-curricular activities all looked in her direction. What as the idiot doing?

"Sure I might see you there!" She called back.

Touji spluttered. "B-But I thought…"

Being embarrassed enough Hikari took Touji's lapse to make her escape. Touji hung his head in defeat and slowly went in search of his missing ball. Maybe the following night would hold better prospects for him, if Hikari even decided to show up at all.

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Shinji stepped into the apartment, dropping his bag and stooping down to collect the mail off the floor while slipping off his shoes. Flicking through them he sees they are just the usual items, however for dramatic effect he decides to read them out aloud, knowing full well there is no-one to hear him anyway.

"Power bill, Car payment notice, beer restock reminder, mysterious envelope… hey!"

Shinji examined the white envelope which had their address on it, with both Shinji's and Misato's names on it. All neatly typed so as to not betray the handwriting of the sender, it also didn't have any return address. However from the stamps on it, it came from overseas and from the way it felt there was certainly a card inside.

'I guess I should probably wait for Misato.' He thought to himself. Unlike Misato Shinji didn't open up any mail that wasn't a bill with reckless abandon.

Shinji picked up his bag with one hand and held the mail with the other before dumping the correspondence on the kitchen table on the way to his room. Walking into his room he puts his bag on his desk then pulled his white shirt off and changed into a pair of shorts. Feeling properly attired for 'lounging around' he ventured back into the living room and turned on the television. Intrigued by the noise PenPen wandered out from his fridge.

"Wark?!"

After spending several years with the warm water Penguin Shinji had developed quite a repour with the flightless bird. Slowly it developed into a mutual understanding and was reaching the stage of a full-blown language of head tilts and different tone squawks.

"Super Robot Wars" replied Shinji.

"WARK, WARK!"

The penguin quickly waddled over to the couch and plops himself down next to Shinji. The two settle back as the Divine Wind mechanoid cuts the Lightning Strike bot in half with its katana.

"That Divine Wind bot sure does kick some butt" admired the boy.

PenPen looked at him with narrow eyes. "WARK!"

"No way. Divine Wind would cut up the Sumorizer no challenge."

PenPen slapped his flipper down on the armrest. "WARK!"

The challenge made, Shinji saw his chance. "You're on!"

PenPen held out a flipper that Shinji smacked with his palm. They then both turned back to the television as the Divine Wind bot finished off the Gunslinger as it lay treadless on the ground. Then a tiny roar came from across the arena and a large bot stomped its way towards the smaller one.

"Ah, the Sumorizer has entered the arena and is charging towards Divine Wind. Will its razor sharp katana be enough to cut the thick hide of its opponent?" Cried the announcer on the television. 

The large bot collided with the smaller one sending them flying into the side of the arena. Still holding its sword the Divine Wind drove it into the torso of the Sumorizer. Still functioning the Sumorizer picked up the Divine Wind and pile drove it into the floor, pieces of metal and circuitry flying everywhere.

"It looks like it's all over for the Divine Wind. Wait, it's unsheathing its wakazashi. But the Sumorizer sees this and it's… it's… YES! It's the flattener move! Get the recycling bin, there's nothing left!"

Shinji was completely silent as he slowly turned his head towards the beaming penguin who was excitedly slapping his flippers together. Shinji groaned and hung his head in defeat, it just wasn't his day.

"Okay, you win" he sighed.

"WARK, WARK, WARK!" 

"Yeah, yeah. I'll get on it. But I'll need a few things first…"

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"I'm home!" Announced Misato as she stepped into the apartment, unceremoniously shrugging off her flight jacket and letting it lay where it drop.

"Welcome home!" Shinji replied from the kitchen, his voice raised above the sounds of cooking.

Again with total disregard for her possessions, Misato kicked off each shoe watching them bounce off the wall and fall directly onto the shoe rack. She punched the air in celebration of her accomplishment then turned her attention back to the kitchen. 

"Shinji-kun, what smells so good?"

It's nothing really. I'm just feeding PenPen."

Misato blinked. "Feeding…"

NERV's battle tactician walked into the kitchen to find PenPen at the table being boosted up by several telephone books and wearing a bib. Shinji walked over carrying two large plates of lavishly prepared fish with steamed vegetables and places them in front of the anxious bird who would have been salivating at this point if penguins could.

"…PenPen." Misato concluded in a whisper.

Shinji turned away to return to the sideboard when PenPen piped up in anger.

" WARK!"

"Sorry sir," Shinji sighed. After spending three years being ordered around by Asuka he thought he would be free but the bird had learnt well from his forbearer. 

Shinji slammed a can of Yebisu on the table and popped the top. PenPen happily clapped his flippers together before tucking into his meal. The sight was truly one to be envious of and Misato was no exception. Expectantly she sat down at her regular place at the table and waited, eyes closed.

Hearing a clatter of kitchenware Misato opened her eyes to see a bowl of rice with some traces of meat and vegetables on it, looking more like decoration that actual flavour.

"B-But…" Misato stammered.

Shinji gestured with his thumb. "You can thank gobble guts over there."

Both glanced over at PenPen who was gorging himself on all the contents of the fridge rather noisily. Both sighed at the same time and began eating their rice.

"Let me guess, you bet on Robot Wars again didn't you?" Misato asked, her mouth still half full.

"Yes…" The boy whispered, his head hung in shame.

Immediately Misato switched from food to lecture mode. "Shinji you've got to stop doing that. Last time you ended up taking his health needle in his place."

"The swelling is almost gone now." Shinji looked at Misato sheepishly. "I was sure I could win this time."

"Shinji, the Sumorizer never loses. Never."

"It will one day. One day…" Replied Shinji darkly, while looking over at PenPen, his fist clenching and unclenching unconsciously.

The boy then dropped his chopsticks in realisation and walked over to the table and collected the strange envelope from the pile and moved back into the kitchen to a confused Misato.

"I almost forgot. This came in the mail today."

He handed Misato the envelope. The woman examined it for a moment before turning it over. She looked surprised. 

"You didn't open it?"

"It was addressed to both of us. I didn't feel right opening it without you."

The woman smiled. "Isn't that sweet?"

"Um, thanks." 

Misato's smile widened as she watched the boy begin to blush. Turning her attention back to the envelope, Misato tore it along the top and pulled out a postcard that showed a picture of a European bar with the caption "Munich Beer Hall: If it was good enough for Hitler, it's good enough for you! "

"That's in Germany isn't it?" Asked Shinji who was looking over Misato's shoulder.

Misato rolled her eyes, there was only one person who wound send something like that. "Asuka…" she mused.

Flipping the card over the two began to read the badly scrawled Kanji on the back.

Hi,  
I'm coming to Tokyo-3 on important business. Should be there the day after you receive this postcard. Have my room ready for when I get there. Looking forward to seeing everyone again.

Except Shinji.

~Asuka.

Shinji frowned while Misato read the message again to make sure she didn't miss anything in the badly written text. Obviously all the time spent away from Japan her language skills had degraded from bad to completely horrible. She had even misspelled her last name.

'Important business, the yearly group synch test isn't due for another two months. I wonder what she means.' Misato thought to herself, stoking her chin.

'Great, I have to move back into the broom closet again.' Shinji thought sourly.

Both people got up from their places and wandered to their respective rooms to mull over the startling new revelation. Hearing their doors slide closed PenPen dropped to the floor, his stomach swollen massively from the intake of food.

The ironic punishment department of Heaven/Hell Industries had done its job well that day.

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The next afternoon Shinji, Touji and Kensuke trudged up to their favourite hangout, a quiet little ramen stall only several blocks from the school called 'Hiroshi's Ramen!' As the three took their usual seats, the aforementioned Hiroshi gave them a quick glance and began preparing their usual meals. The three had been there WAY too often.

"You boys okay?" asked Hiroshi, concern in his voice. Ever since the trio had started coming to his establishment over two years ago, he had bonded with them to the point where he felt like their unofficial older brother of sorts. Especially to the Touji kid, because he always bought the most.

" No…" they answered, sighing in unison. Not only did they come here way too often, they also spent way too much time together as well.

Hiroshi frowned. "Want to talk about it?" 

They answered in unison again. "Not really…"

"Come on guys. You've been coming here for about two years now. I think we can trust each other here. I might even be able too help, you know."

"Well… okay," they answered in unison yet again. It was starting to freak him out. Hiroshi waited for their answer but nothing was forthcoming. Then, in a blur it all came out.

"A girl I'm really afraid of yet secretly attracted to is coming back to town for some unknown reason and I really don't want to be put in the really small spare bedroom again!" Shinji whined.

"The girl I really thought was my girlfriend and who seems so caring and understanding just completely snubs me whenever there are people around; it's like she's ashamed of me!" Touji complained.

"I can't even get a girl because I'm so geeky and nerdy looking, man I want a girl, one with a cute face, a nice ass and big round…"

Kensuke stopped as he noticed that Shinji and Touji had ceased their confessions and Hiroshi was no longer cooking. That and they were staring at him in complete silence.

"WHAT?!" blurted Kensuke. "I'm just saying what you're all thinking!"

Everyone else returned to what they were doing earlier, each nodding to himself. The only sounds made were those of Hiroshi's cooking. Finally he turned back to the boys, who were resting their heads on their arms and staring blankly into space. The time had come.

"Well, here's what I think," said Hiroshi.

The boys perked up and turned their attention toward the older man. He focused on Touji.

"I've heard nothing but good things 'bout your class representative you know, Touji. You yourself were beaming when she finally confessed her feelings. She's a sweet girl and you're very lucky."

"I know, I know. But now I've seen this side of her and I don't like it at all. It's weird."

"You know," Hiroshi mused "she could be showing this side because she doesn't like a side you're showing."

"But I haven't done anything different since she first told me!"

"Maybe that's the problem."

Touji blinked. "Huh?"

"Women like change. They like something out of the ordinary. Tell me, what's the most romantic thing you two have done so far?"

Touji sat thinking for a moment before his face brightened.

"When we watched the entire Matrix series at a movie marathon last month!"

Kensuke, Shinji and Hiroshi covered their faces, groaning.

"WHAT?!" Touji exploded, a vein forming on his forehead. "She was holding my hand the whole time! It was sweet!"

"She was actually tugging on your hand to try and get you to leave, actually," Kensuke corrected.

Touji deflated. "Oh."

"You need to do something special for her. Take her to dinner and then a movie she would enjoy… or a play." Suggested Hiroshi.

Touji brightened. "Okay! McDonalds and the Space Vixens marathon!"

Hiroshi smacked his palm over his face. "Oh God." He wondered if the class representative he had heard so much about was in fact as bright as she had been made out to be.

Touji tried to recover from his outburst after noticing the older man's reaction. "But it has chicks in it!"

"You've got to stop thinking about what you like. A relationship is a partnership, not a dictatorship."

"You're telling this to me!?" the jock bursted out. After a recent food fight in the classroom, Hikari had installed a policy of martial law. Overnight, rice balls had become contraband material. Being the staple foodstuff of many students, Hikari's policy of banning the main staple of any Japanese student's diet had not caused any deaths yet, but the first was expected any day now.

"Stop talking and just listen, Touji please!" Hiroshi begged, hoping that Touji's denseness wasn't contagious. "Do something special for her. You'll realise that it won't hurt as much after you see the look in her eyes, even if you spent a fortune."

"Yeah, her eyes are real cute…" Touji absently stated, a spacey look on his face. 

Noticing a distinct change in his friend's demeanour, Kensuke waved a hand in front of Touji's face.

"Touji, Touji? Snap out of it man!" Kensuke ordered, snapping his fingers.

"Better leave him, Kensuke," warned Hiroshi. "He might have actually got the message."

"It's either that or he's started thinking about Space Vixens again," replied Kensuke.

They all laughed as Touji continued to be an inanimate object. One that did admittedly try to think of a word that rhymed with brown, though rather unsuccessfully. Desperately seeking another distraction, the now-really-freaked Hiroshi focused on Kensuke. 

"Anyway… Kensuke, I will admit it, you're a geek." 

"Gee thanks…" grumbled Kensuke. "I don't remember coming here to be insulted. I can get that for free anywhere else."

Realising his error, Hiroshi shifted into repair mode, hands held up defensively.

"Hey, hold on, hold on. I didn't say you were hopeless though."

"Really?" the otaku asked, hope in his voice.

"I think you need a change of appearance. I mean, as much as I like a good leet joke, there is such a thing as going too far."

Hiroshi motioned to the Kensuke's shirt, which read '3v1l l337'.

"I'm pretty sure girls these days aren't really into that stuff," Hiroshi added.

"I see…" Kensuke whispered, in his mind screaming out at Megatokyo for having lied to him again.

"Show them that just because you're smart, you're not totally socially inept. Cosmo says that smart is definitely sexy, though not smart bordering on geeky."

Kensuke and Shinji both looked at the ramen vendor in shock.

"Erm, I saw it as one of the main articles on the front page."

The two boys continued to stare.

"My girlfriend asked me to get her a copy!"

Kensuke and Shinji looked at each other, then back at Hiroshi. 

"Right…" 

Hiroshi blushed, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink. "Anyway, let's focus on YOU guys, shall we? Remember, the ones WITHOUT girlfriends."

"Yeah, yeah," they answered. 

"Now, where were we? Oh yes, remember change the clothes. Presentation is half of the battle. As for conversation, try to avoid talking about computers if you are approached. Otherwise their built-in geek sensors will go off like crazy and so will they."

Hiroshi then smirked, a glint of mirth in his eye.

"Also, don't freeze;" he added. "They can smell your fear."

Kensuke gulped audibly. Laughing, Hiroshi turned to look at Shinji, who had a very hopeful expression on his face. He just shrugged and turned back to the food.

Shinji was stunned. "Huh?" 

"Sorry, you're on your own with that girl. But you have to admit that two out of three isn't bad." 

Shinji turned to see the thoughtful expressions on his friend's faces as they imagined and planned.

"Yeah, if you're one of the two," grumbled Shinji.

"Don't dwell on it that much Shinji. Your food is ready!"

Hiroshi slapped a bowl of ramen down in front of Shinji. The third child gulped and began to turn pale. Touji and Kensuke looked at each other as Shinji began to have some of his trademark flashbacks.

FLASH!

Misato entering the room.

FLASH!

The ramen cup sailing through the air.

FLASH!

Shinji missing the cup.

FLASH!

Hiroshi beamed at him. "Come on, eat up! It's steaming hot, just how you like it."

"R-Ramen?" Stammered Shinji.

"What else?"

FLASH!

Misato entering the room.

FLASH!

The ramen cup sailing through the air.

FLASH!

Chibi-Shinji, abandoned by Father at the train station…

FLASH!

Shinji missing the cup.

Shinji's eyes opened wide in terror. " NOOOOO!!!!"

Before anyone could react Shinji threw the bowl in the air and scrambled off down the street as fast as possible. Hiroshi, Touji and Kensuke watched silently as Shinji turned around the corner before the bowl returned to earth and smashed on the concrete. They all sweat dropped.

"What was THAT about?" asked Hiroshi.

Touji shook his head. "It's a long and painful story."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The lift doors opened on the fifth floor to the sight of a horde of teenagers that had spilled out of the party apartment and into the hallway. The other residents of the floor had bolted their door and put on their earmuffs, hoping that there would not be that much vomit and broken glass to clean up in the morning.

Touji strutted out of the lift, holding a bottle of vodka in his hand. Behind him staggered Shinji, hauling a heavy carton of Yebisu in both hands with extreme difficulty.

"I don't see why I have to carry the carton," Shinji wheezed. "Can't we swap?"

"I had the fake ID, so I call the shots," Touji said, smiling. "Now get moving, you underaged pack mule…" 

Shinji groaned and stumbled forward, cursing his non-existent upper-body strength.

"Are you sure this is the right place?" Shinji asked, nervous. When it came to any gathering with more than four people, Shinji began to fidget and want to hide somewhere.

"Lots of drunken teens, blaring dance music… I would say it is the right place," said Touji confidently. Nevertheless, Shinji tried to hurry up so he could hide behind Touji's back.  
  
They arrived at the open door which most of their fellow high school students were moving in, out and through. Standing just by the entrance was the organiser of the party, the energetic Mana Kirishama. Seeing the two of them coming towards her made her face break into an even wider smile.

"Touji and Shinji! Nice to see you!! Hikari is already here!!!" she said, rattling off her greeting at machine-gun speed. Shinji idly wondered how many exclamation marks he would have to use if he were transcribing her words into English.

"It's Showtime," Touji said, using his spare hand to slick back his gelled hair. "Baby, here I come!"

Touji stepped forward into the apartment and quickly disappeared into the mass of people. Shinji blinked, his human shield having vanished within seconds. Seeing Shinji alone, Mana's smile and speech grew (if possible) even wider and faster. Shinji gulped.

"Shinji, you came! It's great to see you for once! You've finally come out of your shell!!"

"Ah… could you slow…" he began, blushing.

"Come in, come in!" she said, gesturing inside and giggling. Shinji walked forward, his arms staring to shake from the strain of holding the beer carton but sweating for a completely different reason.

'Stay cool, stay cool…" he whispered to himself as a mantra, using the large carton as a makeshift battering ram through the crowd. It wasn't long till he found the beer table and quickly dropped the carton down on it. Touji was already there, mixing up a light alcoholic chic drink he thought Hikari might like. Seeing that Shinji had arrived with his precious load, he ripped into the box and pulled out a six-pack for himself. With enough beer to last him for… well, at least a little while, he headed back into the throng once more.

"See you 'round Shinji," he called, leaving the poor Eva pilot stranded once again. 

Sighing, Shinji made himself a bourbon and coke. Now looking his part as a normal teenage drinker, he searched the room for somewhere where he could stand unmolested by the crowd for more than three seconds. 

Somewhat later while standing in a darkened corner he did what he did at all the get-togethers he went too: observe the drunken revellers around him. This party was proving no different too all the ones before it. People came in, got something to drink and then formed their own little cliques, spread around the apartment. This was especially true of the girls, who came and left in their own tightly knit groups. They even went to the bathroom together, a trait that neither Shinji nor any other man could completely fathom. 

Within ten minutes Shinji was as bored as he had been during Dr Akagi's last marathon Sync Test. Unlike most his age, he couldn't distract himself from the tedium of social interaction through the golden embrace of cheap liquor. Any more than a small sip of his bourbon and coke every three minutes was enough to make him run to the nearest toilet or pot plant.

'Why did I ever come to this thing?' he thought. 'All I ever do is stand in one spot and feel rejected by… everyone'.

This was not completely true, and Shinji knew it. While Touji often left him to go pester Hikari, Kensuke had about as much luck at parties as Shinji did. More often than not, they spent the night together in one of the corners, Shinji moping while Kensuke perved at the girls. Still, any company was better than no company. Failing that, he could at least vent his frustration on Kenuske. For that matter, he wondered where Kensuke could possibly be. He had said he would be coming and it was unlike him to be late.

As if in answer to his thoughts, from across the room during one of the music breaks he heard Mana greet her latest guest.

"Hey Kensuke! Like the jacket!"

Shinji smiled a bit. He guessed that Kensuke had taken Ramen Master Hiroshi's advice and ditched his army fatigues and Megatokyo wardrobe for a maturer look. Maybe it wouldn't be so embarrassing to be seen with him in public any more.

Kensuke made his way through the crowd to the drink table. He wasn't hard to spot amongst the crowd though: he was the only one wearing jeans, a suit jacket and no shirt. 

The music started up again, hiding a rather loud groan of despair coming from Shinji's direction.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few minutes later Kensuke found his way to the darkened corner, much to Shinji's embarrassment. His beloved video camera had been replaced for the night with a can of Boa. 

"Hey Shinji! Whasup my man!" He said, his breath reeking of alcohol. Shinji took a step back, face blanching.

"Did you start drinking before you even got here?" Shinji asked in disgust. Although more of a prolific drinker than Shinji, Kensuke was still a lightweight compared to most people. But based on his breath alone, he had approached the fabled 'Misato on Saturday night' level of intoxication.

Kensuke nodded, nearly falling forward in the process. He was only able to save himself by bracing himself on the wall, further encroaching into Shinji's personal space.

"It takes a few drinks before you get comfortable cosplaying as Great Teacher Largo," he slurred sorrowfully.

"I think it took a few drinks just to be comfortable wearing no shirt," Shinji observed, gesturing at Kensuke's unathletic physique.

"Potato, potatoe...."

"You haven't changed, Kensuke. In fact, you've done exactly the opposite of what Hiroshi told you. You've just exchanged one geeky evil for another!"

Kensuke sighed again and hung his head, this time careful to do it slowly so as to not lose his balance.

"I need a hug…" he sighed. Shinji blinked before responding at a higher octave than normal.

"Don't touch me!"

"Alright, alright. I'll go look for Touji and…" he hiccupped, "…Hikari."

"Fine. Good luck in getting a… 'hug' from them," Shinji said, just wanting to get rid of his drunken friend. To think that just a moment ago he had wished Kensuke would hurry up in getting there.

'And they dare call me pathetic…' Shinji thought as he watched Kensuke stagger back into the crowd.

"Look everyone! It's Lord Tetsuoken!" a drunken student called out from the crowd.

"Heil, Heil!" came the loud reply from all the boys from his home class. The laughter lasted for over a minute, with each embarrassing second Shinji trying to blend further into the wallpaper.

'Okay, scratch that.'

Shinji had had enough. Heading to the kitchen, he poured what remained of his beverage down the sink and placed the glass on the dishwasher. With his public responsibilities taken care of, he headed straight to the door and the freedom that lay beyond it. If he had wanted to be insulted, he could have stayed at home where Misato would have only been too happy to oblige.

As he stood by the lift and waited for the elevator car to reach his level, a hand latched onto his shoulder and wrenched him around suddenly.

"Shinji! Where are you going?" Mana asked, trying to hide the distress in her voice. Shinji searched for something to say, something that would sum up all his surprise and curiosity. He didn't find it, but he came up with the next best thing.

"Huh!?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kensuke had searched the room from top to bottom, but could still find no sign of Touji. Nor could he seem to find anyone at all. The only thing he could see were blankets and towels. Lots and lots of them.

"This is an awfully small bedroom," he said, hiccupping. "Shinji thinks he's got it bad…"

The fact that he was in the linen closet had still escaped him.

He stumbled backwards with enough force to reopen the door and gain his freedom. Taking the sudden revelation of his confinement in stride, he headed off down the hallway in search of his other friend. 

As is a common problem in parties, hallways act as two-lane footpaths, yet only have enough room for one person to go either way. This is especially so when both people are tipsy. 

Such was the case when Kensuke bumped into a girl who, through his beer-fogged eyes, sure looked familiar. He moved to the side the same time she did, each allowing the other to pass. Looking at each other's in-sync actions; they smiled bashfully, the girl more so than Kensuke. For a change, someone else was being more nervous around Kensuke than he was around them.

"You go first," the girl said, fidgeting.

"No no, you go first. Ladies have right of way" he replied, slurring only a little.

'I'm sure I know her… wasn't she in my class last year? Kyoko, Ko Ko or something'

"Thank… thankyou Kensuke."

"No problem, Kyoko. Are you enjoying your evening?" he asked, smiling. He doubted she was interested in him, but it was still nice to be talking to a member of the opposite sex without being slapped.

"Ah, my name's Keiko."

Kensuke gulped. He had really done it now, he knew it. The slap should be coming any second.

'Retreat! Abandon ship!' a little voice cried in the back of his brain.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Well, you know…" he began before hanging his head in defeat. Giving up while he was only a little bit behind, he moved to the side and pressed his back to the wall, allowing her to pass.

"It's… don't worry, it's okay" she said. Kensuke sighed in relief again and moved away from the wall. However, it was now the girl's turn to look down at her feet.

"I don't blame you, forgetting the name of someone as plain and boring as me…" she said softly. 

'Teen Angst! If I can deal with Shinji, I can certainly deal with this!' he thought, mentally jumping for joy and doing cartwheels.

"It's not that you're plain or boring! I'm just an idiot when it comes to names, that's all. I remembered you on sight at least!"

'You did?"

"Of course! How could I forget a face like yours?" he said, grinning.

'That can also be taken as an insult!' he realised too late. 'Abandon ship!' 

Keiko certainly didn't seem to see it this way, judging by her growing smile. Kensuke sighed in relief.

"That's very sweet of you to say, Kensuke."

"It's just the simple truth, that's all."

'Score!! I don't believe it; this is actually working!' he crowed internally.

"I never thought I would hear something like that coming from you, Kensuke," Keiko said. "I guess not many people know this side of you."

'And she's flirting back? Dear God, this can't be happening!' 

"Ah yeah."

They were silent. Kensuke had now reached an impasse. What should he do next? Half of him wanted to ask her out there on the spot, the other half was screaming at him to 'Abandon ship' while he still hadn't made a complete fool of himself.

'I've got to say something, anything! As long as I don't talk about Megatokyo or Mecha I should be fine!' he thought.

"Ah, that's a nice outfit you're wearing," Keiko said, blushing a little.

Ten seconds passed before he realised that apart from Mecha and Megatokyo, he had nothing to talk about.

"I'm wearing no shirt!" he put forward as a conversational topic. Keiko's smile dimmed noticeably

"I noticed that."

'I'm losing her! I've got to abandon… I mean, says something fast!'

"So are you doing anything tomorrow…" he said, moving in closer to her. However, all this time standing braced up against a wall had caused Kensuke to forget one small thing: he was still plastered.

He lost his balance and fell forwards onto Keiko, causing both of them to hit the ground. As Kensuke's fuddled mind began to clear, he noticed two very important things. The first what that he was sprawled on top of her in a matter Hikari would have termed 'indecent'. The second was that the squishy thing under his left hand was Keiko's breast.

"G-Get off of me!" she screamed. He tried to push himself off, but considering the only source of leverage, this was an act of folly. She shrieked, his hand now pushing down hard on her already squashed bosom.

'Oh no I've done it now! The only girl to show interest in…hold on a second, is this bile at the back of my throat that I feel?' he thought to himself, head swimming. 

It was. Keiko's scream was so loud and piercing that it was heard above the blaring decibels coming from the sound system. Or at least, it was till the stereo volume was raised by the party DJ to block her out.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hikari was sitting with several other class representatives around the kitchen table, discussing politics when Touji finally found her.

"Hey b… Hikari!" Touji called, luckily remembering himself this time. He congratulated himself for actually thinking before he spoke for once.

"Well, if it isn't the Neanderthal… Shouldn't you be out clubbing and spearing your dinner for the evening?" said one of the class reps, a young man wearing yellow glasses and a pseudo-intellectual goatee.

Most of the small group laughed, while Hikari tittered nervously. Touji restrained commenting about the nature of the male's class rep's sexuality only with considerable effort. Putting down his drinks, he grabbed a spare chair and sat down next to his girlfriend.

"Hikari, I got you something from the beer table," he said, holding out the glass for her.

"Thanks Touji, but I'm not drinking tonight," she said, looking at the mostly teetotaling crowd around her.

"Oh well, maybe sometime later then" he replied, taking the glass back.

"And I assume all that Yebisu is for yourself?" the abrasive Class Rep said, smirking.

"Jun, there's no reason to be so…" Hikari began before Touji interrupted her

"They are," Touji said in deadpan, glaring past Hikari at Jun. He had just noticed the other class rep's awfully close proximity to Hikari and he didn't like it one bit. Taking a beer bottle out of the six pack, he quickly opened it and began to empty it of its contents.

Deliberately ignoring Touji, Jun returned to what they had been discussing.

"Mayor Kobe should be re-elected for a third term. He's a man who has proven he has what it takes to run the city."

"Two terms is enough! The old man has to go!"

"I'm supporting Candidate Shirou's campaign. What this city needs is a woman's touch!"

"So, what do you think, Touji?" asked one of the girls, a smirk on her face and a sparkle in her eye. Discussion around the table stopped as everyone looked at the jock, awaiting his answer. Hikari groaned and covered her eyes, hoping he wouldn't embarrass her too much. Touji, realising he had been put on the spot, took one last gulp from what was already his second drink.

"Well, I don't really see the point, ya know? It's just a waste of time."

"A waste of time?" said Jun, condescendingly. "You think our proud democratic institutions are a waste of time!?"

"It's just a City Council election."

"A city that we all live in!"

"The way I see it, why bother getting a puppet elected? You all know that the true rulers of Tokyo-3 are the three super computers down in NERV's basement, don't you?"

His answer was met with stunned silence. The student council stared in shock at the Evangelion Pilot and NERV employee.

"Ah, you did know that, didn't you?" he said, worried.

'Damn. That's the fifth piece of classified info I've leaked this month!'

"Well, I should go see if Kensuke is here… I heard some screaming from the hallway a few minutes ago, so he probably is…" Touji said, rising from the chair and picking up his six pack. "Coming, Hikari?"

"I… I think I'll stay with my friends tonight Touji…"

"But babe!" he whined, realising what he was saying only after the fact. Hikari, who had a moment ago been mostly hesitant was now furious at him.

"I. Would. Prefer. To. Stay. Here," she made out between gritted teeth. Touji took a step back involuntary

"Yes Ma'am…"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji had been staring at Mana like a deer caught in a car's headlights for almost a minute. He had known that Mana had mysteriously returned to Tokyo-3 several months ago and was in class 5-B. He had also seen her around the school grounds a few times but she showed no memory of the brief contact they shared when she was on the run from the Trident project officials. As such he thought it was best to keep his distance from her, even if he still had feelings for her. Now it looked like he was making an ass of himself in front of the only girl who had been truly nice to him, then seemingly forgot him and now was being nice to him again. If that made any sense at all. He gathered up all his charm and courage…

"Parties really aren't my thing," said Shinji sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head with his right hand.

…and made a bigger ass of himself. But he was in too deep; backing out would only make it look worse. She had also moved in front of the lift doors, standing in the way of the only possible exit. Mana opened her mouth to speak but Shinji cut her off, his heart racing.

"Really, I only came because Touji and Kensuke asked me to keep them company. But they seem… well, rather preoccupied," he added.

In the background, a high pitch scream rang out before dying under the increased volume of the music. Mana and Shinji winced.

"I see…"

"Well… they sure make a impression," Shinji joked.

"They sure do," giggled Mana. She was definitely tipsy if she was laughing at such a weak joke. Suddenly her expression changed from carefree to serious. His Shinji sense upgraded his status to 'Run Away Alert III'.

"You don't have many friends, do you Shinji?" asked Mana, her voice soft and concerned. A stark contrast to the bubbly disposition she had previously worn. 

"No… not really," he nervously replied wondering what she was trying to get at. 

Hearing that, Mana went through her third personality change in under a minute. She turned her head Shinji and sniffed softly, as if holding back the urge to cry.

Although his status had downgraded down to 'Run Away Alert II', Shinji was still royally confused. His feet beginning to unconsciously twitch as he prayed to whatever god might be listening for something to interrupt this very awkward teenage moment. When nothing happened, he went into his default mode, 'Blame Self'.

"Did… did I do something wrong?" he asked tentatively.

"I'm so sorry, Shinji…" said Mana, her head still turned away.

Shinji was flabbergasted. She had stolen his line! "Sorry? What for?"

She was silent for a moment, as if trying to summon up the nerve to say what she wanted to. Then she turned her head back, her green eyes locking directly onto Shinji's, her hands clasped in front of her chest. 

"I don't know why, but somehow I feel this definite connection with you. I… I can't explain it, but I just knew that I had to talk to you outside of school. But I also knew that… you probably wouldn't come."

She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts.

"But I'm glad you did." She smiled again before beginning to ramble once more.

"This may sound pretty weird, but I didn't realise any of this until I touched a live wire and electrocuted myself in science class last month. But any way, I've wanted to talk to you for such a long time. But I never knew how to approach you till now. I had wanted everything to be perfect but obviously I've failed… again,… and now you're leaving and I'm making a complete fool out of myself!"

Water began to form under her already red eyes as she waited for something, anything expectantly.

'Is she coming on to me? Again?'. He then looked at the girl, who seemed on the verge of breaking down. His heart screamed in protest and started attacking his common sense with a baseball bat.

"That's not true!" he spluttered out. Obviously his heart needed some better dialogue; making it up on the fly was definitely not working.

Mana blinked, then smiled. "You're so sweet. But I think I already knew that."  
  
'She IS coming onto me!' 

"Well, I guess that's…" began Shinji.

Switching to her fourth personality change in as many minutes, Mana grabbed Shinji's hand and pulled him back into the apartment and onto a vacant couch. Shinji's brain was fried. One of the cutest and definitely the nicest girl he had known in his 17 years on this planet had come to stop him leaving the party. She was now sitting very close to him, so much so he could smell the Barcadi on her breath. Obviously someone else had needed some liquid courage, he concluded. 

Mana shifted closer to Shinji, who was sitting stiff as a board. "So now that you're going to stay a little longer, let's talk."

'AHHHHH!!!'

He swallowed audibly as Mana crossed one leg over the other, her miniskirt riding up a little further. 

"Sure," he gulped.

Mana intertwined her fingers with Shinji's, both boy and girl blushing but neither moved. Taking the initiative again, she leant towards Shinji's ear, letting her breath tickle him and making him shiver.

"So tell me… why do they call you Lord Iron Fists?" she whispered.

"I'm sure you already heard all the stories," he squeaked.

"But they're all just rumours. I want to hear it from you." Mana emphasised her point by moving even closer, brushing his ear lobe with the tip of her nose. 

"Ahh… c-can we talk about something e-else please?" stammered Shinji as he snapped his legs shut tightly.

"Aww, come on Shinji," Mana said playfully. "If you tell me your secret, I'll tell you one of mine…"

"Well, umm…"

Shinji peered over at the door to the apartment, which had a surprisingly large crowd gathered around it. Shaking his head, he turned back to Mana and blocked out the rest of the world. 

Somewhere across the room, Kensuke half-stood and half-leant up against the wall, looking not nearly as bad as he felt. With a groan, he looked up from his vomit stained shoes to the commotion, the world seeming to shudder and blur. It took his eyes a second to focus and then moments more for his beer-filled brain to process the images.

"G… Gaijin Whore!" he managed to squeak out before going limp and sliding down the wall, unconscious.

"Huh?" said Shinji and Mana in sync.

Shinji turned back towards the doorway, only this time to see Asuka Langley Sohryu looming over him, wearing a short cocktail dress that left little to the imagination and a superior smirk on her face.

'I'm telling you, God… I don't know what happened to those fifteen Angels, honest! …' Shinji pleaded in his mind.

His prayers going unanswered, he started to look for possible escape routes. His 'Run Away Alert' status was now peaking at 'VII'.

"Hello Shinji," Asuka cooed, her German accent flowing freely. Her fluent Japanese had evidently degenerated a little during the year she had been away. "Who is your little friend here?"

"Shinji, who is that?" asked Mana, disturbed by the presence of the somewhat familiar redheaded beauty.

The German girl took a good look at the person snuggled up to Shinji and scowled.

"Aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"Asuka!" exclaimed Shinji. 

"What are you talking about?" asked Mana, bewildered.

Asuka look questioningly at the girl for a moment before grinning. 

The girl has obviously been reprogrammed by the Japanese government, which must be why they let her back into the general populace.

Ignoring Asuka, Mana turned to Shinji. "What is she talking about, Shinji?"

"Nothing. I mistook you for someone else," interrupted Asuka, extending her hand. "Asuka Langley Sohryu, pleased to meet you Miss…"

"Mana Kirsihima." Mana weakly shook Asuka's hand while giving her the once over. "Likewise."

Asuka had never liked the girl. She had known from day one that Mana was a spy sent to find out NERV secrets and betray Shinji's feelings. But the stupid boy never listened and got hurt by the whole incident. While she may have maintained a cold exterior, especially to the Third Child, she hadn't enjoyed watching that happen to him. 

She had to get the girl away from him as fast as possible.

Asuka turned to Shinji and gave him a cross look. "It's not very nice of you Shinji, going to a party just as one of your dearest friends comes back to visit. Here I thought you might have actually developed some manners these past three years."

Mana looked ready to shoot back in defence, but Shinji squeezed her hand to hold her back. He didn't really want to see a brawl, either verbal or physical take place. After all, both girls had extensive backgrounds in the martial arts and he would no doubt get a few roundhouses to the head for his troubles.

"I thought that you would have been tired from the trip and…"

"How considerate." She smiled again. "But the prospect of seeing everybody again was too good to pass up. Obviously Misato thought so too, because she showed me the invitation."

'Who needs Angels screwing up your social life when you have Misato?' Shinji thought sourly. 

"However, since I'm here now, you can make up for this indiscretion by looking out for me for the rest of the night."

"Hold on a second. Shinji doesn't owe you anything!" interjected Mana.

Asuka frowned at the girl. She could never know how much Shinji owed her…  
Shinji knew this as well. Resigning himself to his fate, he stood up and looked down at Mana.

"Asuka's right, it was rude of me. It's only a little favour really."

Asuka beamed. She looped her arm around Shinji's and looked down at Mana, who had a look of utter confusion on her face.

"I'll come see you later, okay?" Shinji told Mana, trying to salvage whatever they still had between them. 

"Shinji dear, could I trouble you to get me a drink?" Asuka asked..

"Uh, sure Asuka. How about a Barcardi Breezer?"

She grinned. "You remembered!"

Asuka watched Shinji walk over to the table before she turned back to Mana, who was scowling.

'You lose' Asuka thought before walking off to join Shinji, a predatory smirk on her lips. 

"Where's Hikari anyway?"

"I think she's over there with some other friends from school."

"Ohhh! Introduce me!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hiroshi wheeled his Ramen Stand down the pavement, carefully watching the path ahead of him. Overturning his place of work was not what he considered an ideal start to the morning, something that had been driven into him the hard way after a number of roadside accidents. However, he was being more careful than usual, considering how top-heavy his new "Free Love Advice with any purchase over 500 Yen" sign had made the cart.

As a general rule of thumb he tried to arrive at his small spot by the roadside at least half an hour before he expected his first customers. Although it took only a few minutes to set up the stand, he liked the quiet time in the morning to gather his bearings as well as to ponder life's meaningful questions.

However, today was not going to be one of those mornings. When he arrived at the intersection of 12 and 43rd, his three main customers were already there, waiting with heads bowed.

They looked up at the sound of his cart's rickety wheels trundling down the footpath, all three wincing at the hangover-amplified sounds.

That fact the three of them where hung over did not surprise Hiroshi. Touji's eyes were red and watery, his hands acting as an impromptu sun visor to keep out the morning sun's bright rays. Shinji looked like he had slept on a concrete floor for the night. Kensuke shivered in the gentle morning breeze, his hands wrapped around his bare chest trying to keep the warmth in. Even at a distance Hiroshi could still smell the vomit on his jacket.

"Last night didn't go so well, did it boys?" he asked rhetorically.

In a rather abrupt manner, Touji pulled a handful of small change from his sweatsuit's pocket and thrust them under Hiroshi's nose.

"Just give us the ramen."

"Same here. The usual," Kensuke said, reaching into his pants pockets. 

"Could you do up your jacket, or at least put on a shirt? I have some customer dress standards, you know!"

"Since when does a roadside ramen stand have a dress code?" asked Kensuke, irritated. He really wasn't in the mood for talking, let alone arguing at this time of day in his current state.

"Since now," replied Hiroshi, looking down at the travesty the boy was (or was not) wearing. Had Kensuke even listened to anything he had told him? "You're scaring away my other customers!"

"But we're your only customers! We always have been!"

"Okay, you have a point. Just eat quickly and get away from my store."

"Customer appreciation my ass…" Kensuke muttered under his breath.

"And you, Shinji? What would you like?"

"Nothing for now," said Shinji, holding up a paper bag from McDonalds. "I thought I would try some ethnic food for a change today."

"If you want to eat in front of my store, you're going to have to put some Ramen on that," Hiroshi pointed out.

"Oh, very well." Shinji sighed, reaching into the bag and pulling out a Big Mac. Hiroshi spread some Ramen onto the 51% meat (thus legally able to be advertised as such) patty and took some small change from Shinji. With that out of the way, he quickly whipped up Touji and Kensuke's breakfast and handed them over, getting a subdued thankyou from each.

The three sat down at the nearby bench, where Kensuke and Touji tore into their meals as if they were manna from heaven. For his part, Shinji looked down at his Ramen burger with a large degree of uncertainty.

"Last night blew," Touji commented once he had run out of food to stuff into his mouth.

"Seconded," said Kensuke.

"I agree," said Shinji mournfully. "I think that I was getting somewhere with Mana. She was… interested in me."

"I tried not to embarrass her in front of her friends. I tried to be thoughtful and talk about the stuff she was interested in. I even bought new snazzy clothes!" Touji said, pointing down at his tracksuit. However, apart from being less faded it was the same as all the other tracksuits he had been wearing for the past five years. "I even tried talking to her friends! It's not my fault they're a bunch of arrogant, good for nothing…"

"…And then Asuka barged in. I spent the rest of the evening serving as her chattel slave. Now not only are my chances with Mana ruined, Asuka is treating me like her butler or something!"

"At least I learned something last night," Kensuke chimed in. "Next time, don't throw up all over the girl who is being nice to you. But still, there is a bright side to my misadventure. I, for one, got a good feel of her tit…"

Shinji face-faulted, dropping his Big Mac onto his shoes. Ramen spilled from both sides, providing enough food to keep several nearby ant colonies from starving during the newly returned winter season.

"Kensuke! I've told you not to startle me like that!"

"Sorry. I'm just trying to stay positive, that's all," Kensuke said in a voice close to a whisper, his eyes starting to water up.

"We suck." Shinji said, summing up the situation and his seventeen years of achievement (or lack there off) in this world.

"Seconded."

"Passed by acclamation."

"Just think!' said Kensuke. "We have nearly a month and a half until graduation and you two still haven't had sex yet." Both Shinji and Touji focused him in their sights with their glares. "Okay, okay, none of us have gotten laid yet!"

"I overheard Kyosuke and Shita talking this morning. At least I think I did; I'm still having trouble with both seeing and hearing. If they're to be believed, both of them got lucky last night…" Touji muttered.

"But they're losers!" exclaimed Kensuke. "Even more so than us!"

"You're right! I refuse to stand for this any longer!" Touji cried out.

"You're sitting…"

"Thanks Kensuke," Touji said, rising to his feet. He began to orate, his voice rising in volume as he went. "No longer will we be mocked by our peers! No longer will we remain womanless! I'll win back the love of Hikari, and you guys will find someone! Somewhere!! And we'll do it before the end of the year, I swear! We will be virgins no longer! ARE YOU WITH ME, BROTHERS?!"

"Aye!" cried Kensuke. "You'll have the strength of my steel! FREEDOM!!"

"Even though it was an "Army of Darkness" quote, I'll take it as a yes!" said Touji, pumping his fist into the air. They both turned to look at Shinji, who had not leapt up with them. Instead, he was looking down at the small bite he had made in his Big Mac.

"This Ramen Burger isn't bad at all," he said to himself, not too unhappily. Feeling the two sets of eyes on him, he looked up at his standing friends. "What?"

"Shinji, will you stand by your brothers in this most holy of causes?"

"We're doing what to whom now?"

"Were going to get laid before Graduation! Just stand up and say yes!"

"Get laid before graduation? But what's that got to do with making our lives better?"

"Stand up and pledge, Shinji!" Touji yelled. "No more being pushed around by Asuka! No more 'Lord Iron Fists'! If not to lose your cherry, do this to regain your dignity! Say it!"

"I," Shinji began, gaping up at the steely look of determination that had appeared in both Kensuke's and Touji's eyes. He gulped.

If Shinji had been psychic, he would have foreseen that his future spread out before him in two very different paths, originating from this very moment. The first ended in painful and humiliating defeat, while the second was just like the first only under slightly different circumstances. But he was not psychic and as such, could not imagine the suffering either of his decisions would cause.

Sometimes you have no choice but to go with the flow and throw caution to the wind, no matter where your personal opinions might lie. 

"…I'll do it…"

To be continued….

  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Authors Notes:  
  
Rion:  
  
At last we have emerged from the shadows and we've brought company. These fast few years have been a trial of blood, sweat and pre-readers. Finally however we are ready to launch our magnum opus on you the viewing public. Stay glued to those mouse buttons as there's a lot more coming your way.  
  
I would also like to take this opportunity to acknowledge the efforts of those tireless few who have both helped us and nearly driven us mad during this story's production:  
  
Worldmage - Grammar King!  
Hotwire - Master of the anecdote.  
Rhine - Source of many whacky ideas.  
God - For just being him.  
  
Seph:  
  
Here's Chapter 1 in it's entirety. We've been working on it for quiet some time, and hope it meets your expectations. Chapter 2 is of with the pre readers as we speak, so as soon as they get off their butts we will put up the latest installment of Ramen-Whackiness, hopefully before the Takoball ballot closes.  
  
Peace out Y'all  



	2. Chapter 2 Shinji goes Gah!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -  
  
JAPANESE RAMEN  
  
Chapter 2: Shinji goes Gah!/Unfortunate but Necessary Plot Exposition  
  
By Rion and Seph Khan  
  
An Operation A801 Ordered Production  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -  
  
The quiet Sunday morning reminded Shinji of what Tokyo-3 had been like when he had first arrived in the city. There was no Sachiel, but the comparison still applied. The streets were empty as the usual weekday sounds of cars and construction had been replaced by the faint chirp of cicadas somewhere in the distance.  
  
The old beaten path that began at the Ramen Stand and ended at his home seemed much longer than it had been last night. However, Shinji put the added length down to his mental state rather than any serious overnight road extensions.  
  
Not only was he still mulling over his horrible evening, but now he also had the pledge he had just made with his "friends" to worry about. It had been three years since they started hanging out, but sometimes Shinji still wondered about them..  
  
Why couldn't he have been strong enough to say "No"?  
  
Despite jokes to the contrary, Shinji had the same urges as other boys. He was simply a lot less vocal about voicing them. But now Kensuke and Touji had put him on the spot. How could he possibly lose his virginity when he couldn't even speak to girls without stuttering and blushing?  
  
A lot of introspection and teen angst was in order, he just knew it.  
  
Staring down at the ground rather than watching where he was going, he didn't see the blue-haired girl sitting on the curb until he had nearly tripped right over her. It was a strange place to be sitting, especially when a park bench was just across other side of the road. Most people would have wondered why she was sitting there, but Shinji knew better. He had long ago given up any hope of trying to figure out why Rei did anything.  
  
"Ikari," she said, not even bothering to look around at him. Instead, she continued her observation of the Toyota with the dented bumper down the street. Shinji stood in silence, wondering what he should do. Should he just move on, or should he try to talk to her?  
  
"Ahh. are you waiting for something?" he asked, nervously taking the latter.  
  
"Yes. I knew you would be here this morning, as you were not at home last night."  
  
"But how did you know I was out, or when I would be here?"  
  
Rei did not deign to answer either question. Neither did the Section Two agent who quickly dove into the bushes to avoid being seen. Rising to her feet, Rei faced Shinji.  
  
"Come with me." she said, her tone a mixture of command and plea.  
  
"Well, for a little while, I guess," he replied, puzzled. He was already late home, considering he should have returned just after Midnight. Luckily, Misato never got up before midday on the weekend. He still had plenty of time.  
  
Rei rose from the curb and began to cross the street, Shinji following her.  
  
"There have been rumours at school and on base about you," Rei said as they walked along.  
  
"Do we have to talk about this?" Shinji said, a pained expression on his face. It was bad enough that everyone at school wouldn't stop mentioning it, but now Rei was bringing it up as well?  
  
Rei's eyebrow rose a fraction of a centimetre.  
  
"Commander Ikari was quite interested in reading Major Katsuragi's report. Why should I not."  
  
"She wrote a report!?" he squeaked in shock. He blinked in surprise and rubbed his Adam's apple. He thought he had gone through this stage already.  
  
"It is procedure."  
  
Shinji groaned, once more looking down at the ground rather than where he was heading. He couldn't even begin to imagine what his father thought 'The Ramen Incident'. He didn't want to, but his mind still tried to think up the most horrible and embarrassing scenario it could.  
  
They walked together in silence for some time, heading nowhere that Shinji could guess. Her apartment and the nearest NERV entry gate were in the opposite. It was only when the gradient became steeper that Shinji realised where they were going.  
  
Downhill. They were hading towards the crater-lake, around which Tokyo-3 had been rebuilt in the hectic year of 2016.  
  
They crossed the final street and walked down the park trail that led through the woodland separating the new city from the Zero Lake. The name had been changed from the Greater Ashino Lake by the survivors of the Angel Wars. It was partially in tribute to the Eva that had defended old Tokyo-3, as well as the lake being Ground Zero to the explosion that had destroyed it.  
  
It was a pretty sight, if you could forget the pain and destruction that had caused it.  
  
"Why are we here, Ayanami?" Shinji asked. Their trek had brought them out from the woodlands and down to the lakeshore, a thin patch of sand with the occasional concrete structure still protruding from below. They had been walking for fifteen minutes and mysterious girl or not, he thought he deserved an explanation.  
  
Rei was silent, looking out across the waters.  
  
"Ayanami?"  
  
"On this day three years ago." she said, her voice barely louder than a whisper, ".she destroyed Unit 00 to protect you."  
  
"Oh." Shinji said, lost for words. He hadn't even realised, hadn't even remembered. He couldn't use the events of the party as an excuse: he just didn't like to think about the waning days of 2015.  
  
Rei carefully removed her shoes and socks, placing them in a neat pile on a damaged concrete slab nearby. She waded out into the lake, stopping when the water lapped up around her knees. Ripples from her wake disturbed the fay-like beauty of the otherwise still lake.  
  
Back on shore, Shinji clenched his hand into a fist. The bad memories that had haunted him through the restoration years were coming back in force.  
  
"I. I'm sorry how I treated you back then, Rei. I. I was going through a lot, and didn't know what my father had been up to. You didn't ask for any of this."  
  
"What is past is past," Rei said, not turning around. "You accept me now as you did my predecessor, even though you know what I am."  
  
She reached into a pocket and pulled out a vial of water. Shinji recognised it as one of the old vials that she had kept in her apartment when she was fourteen. Popping out the cork, she raised it into the air and tipped it upside down. The stagnant water inside poured out, flying a bit in the slight breeze that has picked up, before hitting the lake and merging with the body of water. Because of the breeze, small little waves now began to break on the shore, breaking the watery-mirror quality of Zero Lake.  
  
"I have not forgotten," she said, more to the spirit of her other self than for Shinji's benefit, "although your last few moments are lost, I know what it took of you."  
  
There was silence for a moment, as Rei thought of something else to say. After a few seconds she found it, two word she now often used though still bore its own special meaning.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Amen," said Shinji back on the shore, bowing his head in respect. Although not belonging to any particular faith, the word seemed appropriate to him.  
  
It was not until he returned home sometime before midday that he realised he hadn't thought about his own problems throughout the strange little wake he had been witness to.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Although times change, some things will forever stay the same. The Katsuragi dinner ritual was a classic example of this.  
  
"Gahk!" Asuka gagged, rushing to the sink to wash the first taste of dinner out of her mouth.  
  
"What's so bad about it?" Misato asked, chopsticks covering the distance between her plate and mouth at their regular hurried pace.  
  
"It's. it's. why am I trying to justify myself to you!" she cried, before embarking on a bout of dry heaving, "This stuff is even worse than I remembered!"  
  
"It's not my fault that you can't tell good traditional Japanese cooking from." Misato began, eyes closed and finger wagging. However, her eyes opened with surprise halfway through her standard speech. "What am I talking about? Shinji cooked tonight's meal!"  
  
They looked over at the other member of the Katsuragi "family", who was staring dejectedly at his udon noodles, poking them with his chopsticks every now and then.  
  
"Is something wrong, Shinji?" Misato asked, loudly enough to break through his daze.  
  
"Huh? Oh, I mean, sorry about the food" he said, looking up at her, "just wasn't in the mood to cook tonight, I guess."  
  
"If you had said so, we could have ordered out instead."  
  
"I just thought."  
  
"Come on Misato, it's no use talking to him when he's like this," Asuka said, her mouth finally washed out. She was now looking through the fridge for leftovers.  
  
Misato took a look at Shinji and sighed. He had been like ever since he had gotten home, spending most of the day in his room moping. Actually, he had spent most of it sleeping, but for the parts he had been awake he had definitely been moping. She guessed a pep talk was in order before he went to bed tonight.  
  
"So, what are you doing here?" she said, looking up at Asuka, "the annual group sync tests aren't for another two months."  
  
"I thought you would never ask," Asuka said, head still buried in the fridge, "you've only had all day to do it."  
  
'Just great! Some left over spaghetti and two minute ramen,' she thought as she observed the food that would keep her going until breakfast. As Misato had not yet answered her complaint, she sighed and continued. "I was finally able to find my father's sperm donor application at the clinic in Munich."  
  
"Your father? But I thought you swore to never."  
  
"My biological father, Misato. Two very different people, remember?"  
  
"My bad," Misato said, taking a sip from her beer. "Do go on."  
  
The ebb and flow of the conversation was lost to Shinji, who had once again returned to his own little world. He was mulling over the pledge again, as well as the three very strange women in his life. One was twice his age and an alcoholic. Another considered him to be little better than pond scum. The final one...  
  
Shinji thought about the only woman he spoke to on a semi-civil basis. Although she was still her same reserved self, he felt that he and Rei had become somewhat closer over the years. But a relationship with her was out of the question. They made very strange friends, but since he knew about her "heritage", could be nothing more.  
  
"Well, he didn't put much down on the form and he used a fake name. So all I've got to go on is a physical description and the hope that he made some other donations in his homeland as well."  
  
There was little to no chance that he would be able to fulfil the pledge. But something that Touji had said still nagged at the back of his mind. Maybe he couldn't "go horizontal dancing," as Kensuke put it, but he could still try to stand up for himself a little more. That way, he would have at least tried to fulfil his part of the bargain, regardless of what Touji or Kensuke might say.  
  
"Isn't that right, Shinji?" Asuka said, smirking. Since he had last paid attention to her, she had moved away from the fridge and microwave and returned to the table.  
  
"Huh?" he said, looking up in surprise.  
  
"You're going to help me in my search, aren't you?" Although phrased like a polite request, the tone of her voice betrayed the command behind the words. If he was going to stand up to anyone, he might as well start at home, or so he thought. He just hoped he wouldn't have too many bruises tomorrow morning..  
  
"Search?" Shinji began, "now listen, I may."  
  
At this point, Shinji noticed the steaming hot cup of ramen in front of Asuka. And as they say, no plan survives contact with reality.  
  
"Gah.. Gah!"  
  
"Shinji?"  
  
"He's choking on his own cooking!" Misato said, leaping to her feet and cracking her knuckles "It's Heimlich time!"  
  
"I. I'll do it," Shinji gasped before screwing his eyes shut and running to his room, crashing into only one wall on the way.  
  
"Awww." Misato whined, looking dejectedly down at her knuckles, "all worked up for nothing."  
  
"What's wrong with him?" Asuka asked, eyebrow raised. The sound of Shinji's head repeatedly banging against the wall could be heard coming from his room. Misato shrugged.  
  
"I think I should have that little talk with him now."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Satisfied with her labours, the young Mari Suzuhara folded her arms and nodded at the table set for two. One of the places had a much larger supply of food, obviously meant for Touji. It was strange; usually Touji was out of his room and practically nipping at her heels to serve dinner. He had gotten home early that morning, looking roughed up and reeking of ramen.  
  
"Partying all night and eating cheap food all morning," the girl muttered to herself, shaking her head. "Touji! Dinner is ready!" she called out.  
  
No response. She sighed.  
  
'He can't still be hung over, can he?' she thought to herself.  
  
The little girl angrily stomped towards Touji's room and nearly knocked the door off its rollers.  
  
"GET UP RUMMY!"  
  
Touji slowly rolled over as his eyes gingerly began to open. He blinked a few times to regain focus and only then could he see his little sister standing in the doorway to his room, the angry look on her face at odds with her pink Hello Kitty apron .  
  
"I don't think I'll be eating tonight," Touji moaned weakly, "please let me sleep..."  
  
With that he rolled back over and closed his eyes.  
  
"Oh no you don't!" countered Mari.  
  
The fifth-grader launched herself onto Touji's bed and began to pummel him. Touji squealed like a little girl as she grabbed hold of his hair and yanked hard.  
  
"You're getting up. You need something in your stomach otherwise you are going to be sick!"  
  
"But I'm not hung over! I'm."  
  
"What! Lovesick, you lumbering hulk?" Mari interrupted.  
  
Touji shut his mouth, but luckily Mari didn't notice. She was already into a diatribe of her own.  
  
"I went to the effort of cooking you a healthy, nutritious meal, and you're going to eat it! Is that understood!?"  
  
It was somewhere between the face pinching and finger biting that Touji decided to get up, being that he was rather awake at the point.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Kensuke continued to stare at his faint reflection on the surface of his computer monitor while he listened to the low hum of his burner copying his next DVD-R. After several hours of soul searching, he had finally came to a familiar epiphany.  
  
"I'm a geek," he moaned.  
  
He also realised there was not much he could do about it. Changing his nature was about as easy as trying to change the path of an Angel with a fountain pen. He had tried but overcompensated, with disastrous effects. He sniffed before grabbing a tissue and blowing his nose. All he had he gotten from trying to act different was a cold.  
  
"If I had worn my shirt, at least I would have been single and warm."  
  
Then again, he did gotten some positive responses. Or at least, his foggy memory could recall some positive responses. Perhaps if he hadn't gotten himself quite so drunk before showing up. But therein lay the problem, he hadn't had enough guts to show up dressed like he had been without some liquid catalyst. He was about as spineless as Shinji when it came to girls. Even when liquored up, it had been hard enough trying to talk to that Keiko girl, and she was only kind-of cute.  
  
"God help me if I ever tried to talk to anyone like Misato. I'd probably get a nosebleed or something."  
  
He paused for a second.  
  
"Argh, I'm referring to anime already!" he cried out, standing up in disgust. He then slumped back into his chair, a defeated look on his face.  
  
"People are just so hard to talk to. Well sure, Touji and Shinji are exceptions. and maybe the class rep as well, but I don't know if getting yelled at counts."  
  
Kensuke chuckled as he remembered Touji's plight with Hikari.  
  
"At least I don't have his problems," he tried telling himself, rather unsuccessfully.  
  
Boredom overtaking his self-analysis, he idly flipped through an open manga lying on his desk.  
  
He stopped at a picture of the hero stepping out of the cockpit of his mecha. The main female character was latched onto his arm and gushing words of praise and admiration. Kensuke shut the book in frustration and looked away. However, his head slowly turned back to it as a lodestone is drawn to point north. He scowled at the collection of illustrations as if they were the bane of his life.  
  
"Why can't life be like anime? There even the geeks can get girls. Heck, the geeks pilot the giant robots, save the world AND get the girls!"  
  
He paused for a second.  
  
"ARGH, I'M DOING IT AGAIN ALREADY!"  
  
The otaku flung the manga at the wall in disgust and took a deep breath.  
  
"Okay I can do this, I can beat this," he told himself.  
  
The computer chimed to signal the completion of the burning process. He turned back to it and opened a file explorer window to verify that the contents of the disc were in fact there and intact. He paused at the file named ironfist.avi - a conversion of his video camera footage from the previous day's class. The gears in Kensuke's head began to turn.  
  
"Or maybe I don't have to. That ramen rumour spread through the school like wildfire. Shinji had an instant reputation after that. Now if I could only adapt a similar situation in a more. positive light," he mused.  
  
But then another set of gears turned and he groaned.  
  
"But then I don't have anyone to tell it to. Shinji and Touji would know I was up to something because of this pledge."  
  
He took a long look at his computer. Information was his life, extracting it, manipulating it for his own ends. He looked at the computer again, another idea forming in his devious little cranium. Perhaps there was a way to use his anti-social skills to acquire a social life.  
  
.Perhaps there was another way.  
  
Going back into the file explorer, he opened up the hard drive that contained all his videogame emulators and ROMs. Being an otaku and thus a completist, he had most videogames ever created on that one hard drive. To Kensuke, it was more of a museum archive than a database of pirated material. After all, who else but him would have everything from the Super Famicom to the Playstation 3 all in one neatly arranged file hierarchy? There were still a few more gaps in his collection, which he would get around to filling as soon as he finished the highly addictive Super Moe Neko Wai II.  
  
Booting up the old Xbox emulator, he searched through the file explorer until he found the ROM file he was looking for. He clicked on the file and after a few seconds, the black window of the emulator filled up with a English title.  
  
Splinter Cell.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Touji meekly sat at the table, just staring at his food while memories of the party kept flashing in his mind. The look on Hikari's face that told him to go away kept replaying in his mind's eye. It seemed so unnatural for her to look so angry when she could be so nice.  
  
Mari, on the other hand, was busy enjoying her cooking thoroughly. She stopped and gave him a curious look.  
  
'He doesn't look so good at all. What did he drink last night?' She asked herself. Her knowledge of alcohol was very limited. She was the only Suzuhara who could make that claim.  
  
"Don't you like it?" Mari said, looking at him worryingly. Touji quickly blinked and draws himself back into reality.  
  
"Oh no, it's just fine!" he replied hastily.  
  
"Then why aren't you eating? You don't like it, do you?"  
  
"I'm sorry. Mari," Touji replied, "my mind was somewhere else."  
  
He gave her a smile and crammed a rice ball into his mouth, chewing rapidly.  
  
"Good food here," he told her, his mouth still full of rice ball. As such, it came out more like "Gumph frod hrm."  
  
He began to wolf down his food, causing Mari to smile. However, she was mentally strangling Touji for his complete and utter lack of class. Their grandfather had enrolled Touji in an etiquette class, but several slanderous haiku and a tea ceremony faux pa that had lead to no less than four hospitalisations had convinced him that Touji wasn't so unrefined after all.  
  
Within a matter of minutes he had finished, rubbing his satisfied stomach. His sister's plate was still half full, so he took the time to silently contemplate his situation.  
  
'I thought I made her proud,' Touji thought to himself.  
  
Unlike a lot of that night, Touji clearly remembered when he had put that upstart Jun in his place. Although he had used some forbidden knowledge he had learnt as one of the Children, it was still worth it, even if it meant he would wind up as Dr Akagi's "pet hamster" as punishment.  
  
'So what did I do wrong?'  
  
Despite his victory, Hikari was still disappointed with him. Then it hit him. She couldn't have known that the city was under the guidance of three supercomputers and that every human politician was a puppet. He had unwittingly undermined her ideas of democracy just to win an argument. Or something like that, it was only the stupid city council. no, she clearly didn't think it was stupid. He suddenly felt very low.  
  
Mari looked at her brother with a concern. The last time she saw this amount of concentration on Touji's face was when he had watched the Matrix while Kensuke tried to explain the metaphysical arguments behind it. Needless to say, by the end Touji still didn't grasp the point while Kensuke was reduced to cursing in pure frustration.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
Touji blinked, obviously startled. However, his glassy stare was gone. "Yeah, I'm okay now," he smiled, "thanks to your cooking."  
  
She didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or as an insult. Instead she just blushed slightly and resumed eating. When he was sure her attention was no longer on him, Touji quickly lent down and licked off the few remaining traces of food. When he started eating, he just couldn't seem to stop, no matter what his mood.  
  
He stood up and placed his chopsticks on top of his bowl. "Thank you, Mari, it was really good."  
  
"You're too kind," Mari beamed.  
  
'I wish.'  
  
"Nah. Anyway, let's wash up."  
  
"Okay!"  
  
Mari ran the water and stacked the plates as Touji stood with a washcloth in his hand and going through the motions of dish washing, too lost in his own thoughts to pay attention to the world around him.  
  
'Whom am I kind to? Am I kind at all?'  
  
He looked over at Mari, who had her hands in the soapy water, scrubbing and cleaning.  
  
'Of course there is my sister. I've gotten into an Eva for her. Who else. There are my father and grandfather, all of us have been through a lot together.'  
  
Mari passed him another plate that he automatically dried and stacked to one side of the sink.  
  
'There is Kensuke, we've been friends together for years. There is Shinji, although we haven't been together as long and we got off to a real bad start, but we worked our way past that. At least I hope we have.'  
  
He wiped another plate down.  
  
'Then there is. Hikari. She's been like an angel to me. The ones with wings, not the ones that possess my Eva before I even have a chance to scratch myself off course. I've always cared for her in some way or other, even before she confessed to me.'  
  
"Touji. pot."  
  
Mari didn't like her routine slowed down by her absent-minded brother. Touji snapped out of his thoughts and looked over at Mari, who face bore a cross expression.  
  
Touji had enough good manners to look a little sheepish. "Sorry. I guess my mind was somewhere else."  
  
Mari rolled her eyes and returned to washing while Touji began to dry again. After finishing with the dishes, Touji returned to his room and sat on the edge of his bed. Looking blankly at the wall, he returned to his thoughts.  
  
Had he really cared for Hikari? He thought he had. Then Hiroshi's words came back to him and it became apparent. He never really did anything special for her, anything that she really liked. As a result she had grown bitter. She might even be considering breaking up, which scared him more than that Sadako chick in that movie... He had to win her back; the question was how?  
  
Sighing loudly, he reached for his miniature basketball, taking careful aim at the small hoop over his waste bin and arced his shot through the hoop.  
  
He needed a plan of action. A plan that would convince Hikari that he did care for her. He had to show her that he thought she was as precious and special as the rarest diamond. Of course, such diamonds costed money- a great deal of it in fact. He had been saving for the past two years for a trip to America, working part time as a kitchen hand for "Mr. Kwon's All- You-Can-Eat Buffet!". It was hot and noisy there and the pay was minimum wage. However, he got a lot of leftover food so he didn't have to spend his pay anyway. He had wanted to see the NBA in the flesh after he graduated, but somehow, making Hikari happy was all that now mattered to him. He reached for a piece of paper and a pen, thought for a moment and then began to write up his "Touji's Action Plan Fantastic!"  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Sometime later that night, in the cavernous office of Gendou Ikari, sat... Gendou Ikari, with Fuyutski at his side. The Supreme Commander of NERV closed the manila folder full of black and white photographs. Finally, Gendou broke the silence.  
  
"This is most... concerning," he mumbled.  
  
"Who would have anticipated this?" asked Fuyutski, noticing Gendou's tone. He hadn't expected the Commander to take the setback so badly.  
  
"I should have foreseen this interference" he said in the same mumble. Gendou was livid. He had forgotten megalomaniac rule number one: Always have a backup plan.  
  
A single bead of sweat trickled down Fuyutski's forehead and onto his nose. He knew he had to try to calm his friend, before Gendou did the unthinkable and actually raised his voice.  
  
"But are you even sure that the mission would have been accomplished even without interruption?"  
  
"She was loaded. There was no better chance."  
  
The old professor grinned. "Aren't we the expert on that fact?"  
  
Gendou darted his eyes over at Fuyutski before staring forward.  
  
"Regardless. I was hoping that the Second would provide more of an. assistance in dealing with this problem. Instead she goes and ruins a sure thing," complained Gendou.  
  
"I don't really believe she has the right temperament for assisting anyone," Fuyutski bluntly added.  
  
"I have known of his lingering attraction to the little shrew for quite some time. It will prove more advantageous if the scenario were to be concluded with someone he was attracted to."  
  
"So I'm guessing Kim is out then."  
  
"I wouldn't ever think of depriving you."  
  
Fuyutski chuckled nervously and put away the "Female Escorts" magazine he had been about to offer to Gendou. Anxious to get his personal life off the topic at hand, Fuyutski racked his brains for other suitable "candidates." Failing that, he introduced Gendou's Achilles heel into the conversation.  
  
"What about Rei? It seems he has had a thing for her as well. I'm sure you could just order her to..."  
  
"Out of the question!"  
  
Fuyutski screwed up his face in disgust. "Don't tell me you're still."  
  
Gendou tried to block out the unscrupulous thoughts and memories that were surfacing in his mind.  
  
"No. Better the Second than the First."  
  
"Sure, whatever you say."  
  
Gendou looked at Fuyutski, who had a small grin on his face. He gave a soft grunt and looked forward again.  
  
"This is all irrelevant. We must accept our losses and move ahead with planning for the next mission."  
  
"Are you sure there is even going to be another mission?"  
  
"It has been confirmed."  
  
A computer monitor rose from within the desk, an image of Japan, Korea and Eastern China appearing on the screen. The video feed is labelled "UN Orbital Recon: 08:27:54 JST". Manipulating the controls, Gendou zoomed the image to its maximum resolution. Touji Suzuhara gestured wildly with his fist on the screen, seemingly at the satellite above. The Magi ran a lip- reading program, and added subtitles to the bottom of the image.  
  
Touji: Were going to get laid before Graduation! Just stand up and say yes!  
  
Shinji: Get laid? But, but. Before Graduation? I couldn't.  
  
Touji: Stand up and pledge!!! No more getting pushed around by Asuka! No more "Lord Iron Fists"! If not to lose your cherry, do this to regain your dignity! Say it!!  
  
Shinji: I. I'll do it.  
  
"Research has indicated that the most probable time of such an event occurring is during the Prom after party. The event is scheduled to begin three weeks from now, so our mission timetable has been set accordingly."  
  
A large digital timer board dropped from the ceiling reading 485:43:28  
  
Fuyutski blinked in surprise. "Isn't this... a bit much?"  
  
"Not at all. Shinji will need all the help he can get."  
  
"The fact that we haven't fought an Angel in over three years and that we've already made the Middle East a NERV protectorate has nothing to do with this?" Suggested Fuyutski, knowing that the hidden closet in the office contained more than just secret documents and the corpses of old enemies. Inside lay entertainment devices such as a finished copy of Pokemon for the Game Boy Advance, bongo drums and the much-loathed unicycle.  
  
"Kim." Gendou said, returning to his normal smirk. Fuyutski gulped.  
  
"I see your point. But tell me why are you, really doing all this?"  
  
"I screwed up Shinji's childhood; I turned him into the wussiest teenager on the planet." Gendou sighed. "I even managed to get him to fear the colour pink."  
  
Fuyutski's stoic face slowly gave way to a wry smile. "Actually, that last one was my doing."  
  
Gendou chuckled. That had been an interesting day for all concerned. In order to get Shinji back onto the base, all regulation rubber gloves had to be changed to yellow.  
  
"Oh yes, that's right. Anyway, I believe I owe him."  
  
"And you believe getting him laid will make up for seventeen years of God- awful parenting?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Fuyutski looked at his former protege with awe. "There are times I doubted you. But now I see you truly are a genius."  
  
Gendou nodded silently.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Hyuuga yawned as the metal door to the command centre slid open. Slowly he stepped inside and headed over to the coffeepot, where he poured himself a large mugful. Taking small sips, he walked over to his command console and sat down in the highly padded chair, the only perk in the entire job. Shigeru swivelled in his own chair, bearing a look of equal tiredness and frustration.  
  
"Bad weekend for you too huh?" the longhaired technician asked.  
  
"No, not really," Hyuuga replied, "guess I sort of overdid it a little bit."  
  
"Party?" Shigeru already knew the answer, but he thought it was common courtesy to give his co-worker the benefit of the doubt.  
  
"Paperwork."  
  
As Shigeru had surmised, Hyuuga was a paper pusher and always had been. Of course, Shigeru couldn't go that far without going any further, so he put on a mask of astonishment.  
  
"But you were doing paperwork all last week. Overtime even!"  
  
"I know, but with upcoming sync tests, out come the combat evaluation reports."  
  
It then hit the command aide. Even if Hyuuga had no life, he still got his work done. Shigeru summed up the mixture of feelings he was experiencing with one word he thought was quite appropriate.  
  
"Shit."  
  
Hyuuga looked up from his console. "What?"  
  
However, he didn't see the face of the tech as Shigeru already had his head stuck inside a filing cabinet whilst throwing folders onto the console beside him.  
  
"I'm guessing you haven't collated all those profiles then."  
  
"No!" replied Shigeru, his head still in the filing cabinet.  
  
"And you know all the work has to be ready today? Since the Second Child has arrived early, the schedule is being pushed up."  
  
"Yes!"  
  
Hyuuga chuckled at Shigeru's antics. Although he and Maya had borne the brunt of most assignment, Shigeru and his attitude always seemed to land him in more trouble and stress. Still, Hyuuga had wasted away an entire weekend on a bunch of files while his superior, the babelicious Misato Katsuragi, had probably partied the nights away. During all this, he was having the time of his life, sitting in his living room with a pile of papers, and the TV for background sound.  
  
'I suck.' Hyuuga thought to himself sadly.  
  
'I suck, although not as much as Hyuuga.' Thought Shigeru, not feeling as bad as he had before  
  
He sat down at his console, opened up a file on his terminal, turned back to the folder next to him and began to enter in codes. As he scanned the information, correcting out of date information, he thought back onto how he had spent the weekend. Although Hyuuga would have believed it was with some woman he had picked up in a bar after a show, it hadn't been the case. Sure he may have managed once or twice, but it never progressed past a small make out session, if it all. Truth be known, he spent most of the time in his apartment playing his music. But that was the least of his worries at that moment, staring down at the codex of information that had to be re entered into the program by hand.  
  
Shigeru slammed his hand down on his console in frustration. "Damnit, where is that physical fitness assessment for the Third Child?!"  
  
"The latest one?" asked Hyuuga.  
  
"Well of course I mean the latest one! I need those new figures."  
  
"I think Major Katsuragi has it."  
  
It made obvious sense, as she was both the tactical officer and Shinji's guardian, that she would need the data to assess the Third Child's combat fitness. But Shigeru blocked this out, only wanting to deal with one crisis at a time. However, there was little doubt he needed those figures. There many ways to get it, but one was more interesting as he considered the ramifications. It became more and more attractive as he thought about it.  
  
"Could you go get it?" Shigeru casually mentioned.  
  
"I don't think she's on base yet, and I don't have access to her office."  
  
"But you know where she lives, right?"  
  
"Well. yeah, but." Hyuuga nervously spluttered.  
  
'Oh, this is perfect,' Shigeru thought. Hyuuga was already falling apart at the prospect of talking to Misato. However, he still needed to apply more pressure.  
  
"So go over there. I really need that assessment."  
  
Hyuuga shook his head. "I-I don't think I should. It would be extremely rude!"  
  
'God, he's a wuss,' Shigeru thought.  
  
"You're NERV, she's NERV, it's about a NERV matter, what's the problem here?" asked Shigeru.  
  
Hyuuga started to blush. This was the opportunity Shigeru had been waiting for. Now if only he could..  
  
"You've got the hots for her, don't you?" queried Shigeru, a grin on his face.  
  
"I do not!" Hyuuga staunchly denied.  
  
"Then why so flustered?"  
  
"Because. because she doesn't like visitors this early in the morning."  
  
Hyuuga wanted to slap himself in the face for making up such a weak excuse. He knew it would only egg Aoba on.  
  
"It'll give you a chance to talk to her, and it's about Shinji, her favourite topic after all."  
  
"Well. err."  
  
"She's probably still asleep anyway! You'll be doing her a favour by waking her up."  
  
"But she could still be hung over and." Hyuuga began.  
  
"Come on, please. I'll cover for you." Pleaded Shigeru, his head bowed in the traditional begging position.  
  
Hyuuga was still deciding what to do when he found himself out in the hallway of the command centre, as Shigeru stepped back and pushed the 'door close' button.  
  
"Thanks pal," he said, grinning.  
  
"But!"  
  
"Don't come back without that report!" came Shigeru's voice over the intercom.  
  
Hyuuga turned and sighed. However, slowly the confusion ebbed away with the excitement of seeing Misato outside of work. He began to walk briskly down the corridor.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Hyuuga stood at the front door to the Katsuragi residence, scratching the back of his neck. He had been doing this for several minutes now, and had managed to create a considerable rash that would require serious scratching at a later date. He had a valid reason to be here, yet he still couldn't think of something to say when she opened the door.  
  
"So, do you like kittens?" he said to himself, before inwardly kicking himself. He needed something better, and fast.  
  
"So that Shinji fellow. ah, well. god damn it, why can't I think of anything to say!"  
  
Looking down at his watch, he realised just how much time he has wasted in front of Misato's door. He pressed the doorbell, deciding to just grab the reports and live to fight another day. A MP3 of the Yebisu TV theme began to play, causing Hyuuga to smile a little. Then he heard the sound of shuffling on the other side of the door, as the light on the intercom speaker switched on.  
  
'Well, at least she's awake.'  
  
"Major Katsuragi? It's me, Makato. I mean, Lieutenant Hyuuga, Ma'am!" he said, conscious of how stupid this would. "Sorry to bother you, but the Sync Test is today! We need you, as well as Shinji's physical."  
  
There was no reply on the intercom, only the sound of more shuffling followed by a quiet "thump".  
  
'Has she collapsed in a drunken heap again?'  
  
"Major Katsuragi, are you alright?" Once again he received no response, although the shuffling continued. "Could you at least open the door?"  
  
After a few more seconds of waiting, he gave up.  
  
"Fine, be that way," Hyuuga said, his head slumping forward to rest against the door. "I don't know why I bother," he began, not realising he was talking out loud. "I cover for you at work, I risk my job getting information for you and I. like you. A lot. Ever since Kaji left, I thought maybe you and I could. well forget it. What chance do I have if you won't even let me through the door?"  
  
As luck would have it, the door opened at that very moment. Hyuuga nearly fell forward, able to save himself by grabbing onto the sides of the doorframe. PenPen stood in the doorway with Shinji's physical profile folder firmly clamped inbetween his beaks.  
  
The bird and the man stared silently at each other for a few moments. Hyuuga started to sweat. This had gone from embarrassing to downright freaky.  
  
"Ah. Misato got up early today for a change?" he said, wondering how much Japanese the Penguin was able to understand.  
  
PenPen nodded.  
  
"Well, I guess there's a first time for everything," he said, scratching the back of his head and stuttering out a forced laugh.  
  
PenPen nodded again, this time a lot more vigorously. Then there was another awkward silence.  
  
"Say, did you understand the "I like you" comment?"  
  
Another nod.  
  
"I see," Hyuuga muttered, a sweatdrop forming on his brow. If Misato got wind of his intentions from her pet penguin rather than Hyuuga, it would reflect really badly on him.  
  
"You aren't intending to evolve the ability to speak any time soon, are you?"  
  
PenPen raised one of his flippers and pointed to it with the other, indicating he wanted the time. Hyuuga looked down at his watch.  
  
"It's 9 AM," he said, but PenPen didn't seem satisfied. It gestured at its imaginary watch again  
  
"Oh, sorry. It's the 13th of October, 2018."  
  
Now satisfied, PenPen shook its head. Hyuuga sighed in relief.  
  
"Good. Now if you will just give me the reports," he began, tugging at the folder held in PenPen's beak. However, the Penguin wasn't letting go so easily.  
  
Sighing again, Hyuuga clicked open his briefcase and pulled out his lunch for today: a tuna sandwich, one of his favourite meals.  
  
"Trade?"  
  
PenPen nodded, so Hyuuga threw the sandwich over its head and into the hallway. Spitting out the folder, PenPen turned and waddled back down the hall to grab the sandwich, warking happily. Picking up the files, Hyuuga closed the door behind him and walked towards the lift. Part of him was disturbed on a whole bunch of levels, but this part was silenced by a larger section that realised he had just given up his lunch to a bird that was so lazy it didn't even fly.  
  
"I hope the little bugger chokes on it. stupid Uplift program."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Hyuuga slipped into the Command and Control Centre over half an hour later, winded from the marathon sprint through the Geofront. Looking up from his shoes once he had regained his breath, he saw Misato glaring at him with arms crossed across her chest. Behind her at their stations were Maya and Shigeru, each smirking at his predicament. Ritsuko was perched on an empty workstation next to Maya, sipping her coffee.  
  
"Glad you could make it Lieutenant Hyuuga." Misato said, tapping her foot in impatience.  
  
'I'm late for the first time in four years and she's reprimanding me for tardiness?' he thought. 'Why do I even bother?'  
  
Another look at his commanding officer explained why.  
  
'She looks so kawaii when she's angry..'  
  
"Sorry Major, it won't happen again!" Hyuuga yelped, snapping himself out of his daze.  
  
"Let's hope not. Now may we get on with the Sync Test?"  
  
"Right away Ma'am!"  
  
The two hours passed as slowly as they did in any other Sync Test. Hyuuga concentrated on keeping his head down and watching the data compile on the screen. By the end, everyone was waiting with bated breath for the stop clock to reach the two-hour mark.  
  
"Three, two and. one! That's enough for this time, guys!" Misato said over the intercom. She gestured to Shigeru, who cut the connection from the Entry Plugs to the CommCont Centre.  
  
"Okay Maya, lets see how the Children are doing," Misato said. Maya entered in a few commands, displaying the scores up on the big holographic projector for the entire crew to see.  
  
1st Child Ayanami R. (Evangelion Unit 00Beta): 68% 3rd Child Ikari S. (Evangelion Unit 01): 77% 2nd Child Sohryu, A.L. (Evangelion Unit 02): 72% 4th Child Suzuhara, T. (Evangelion Unit 03Beta): 45%  
  
"Rei's score has increased by two points, which is a good improvement. Asuka's score is higher than the MAGI extrapolated, after all this time away from Eva."  
  
"Well, I'm sure she'll be glad to hear that," Misato said before grumbling under her breath, 'I certainly won't, having to hear about it for the rest of the month'  
  
"What was that, Major?" Maya asked, curious  
  
"Ah nothing, nothing! What about Shinji and Touji?"  
  
"Shinji's score has decreased by over 13 points! For a drop that big, he must have undergone some major psychological trauma in the last few months."  
  
"The MAGI were expecting this, Maya," she said, before the sound of snickering made her to look around Shigeru.  
  
"Did you have something to say, Lieutenant Aoba?" she growled as Maya looked on, still puzzled. Despite Ritsuko's best efforts, the girl was still too innocent for her own good.  
  
"Ah, sorry Ma'am! Just coughing, that's all," said Shigeru, turning around to look down at his suddenly fascinating keyboard.  
  
"So what about the Fourth?" asked Ritsuko, trying to steer the conversation back on track.  
  
"His median sync ratio came in at forty five percent."  
  
"Forty five! That's a drop of over..."  
  
"Fourteen points, Misato," Ritsuko supplied, "at least try and read those reports we send you every now and then."  
  
"Grrrr."  
  
"We can't monitor his emotional state as closely as we can with Shinji and Asuka. I guess it's time Maya and I have a little talk with him to see what's wrong."  
  
"Why you?"  
  
"Well, it's your job to have a word with Shinji about his score. Also, I believe it would be an act of kindness if we take him aside rather than have the Commander do it."  
  
"I don't believe you. What else do you have up your sleeve Ritsu?"  
  
"According to Section 2, our dear Fourth Child has been blabbing out classified information again."  
  
"Again?" Misato groaned. "So let me guess: he's going to be your guinea pig for a month as punishment? Real smooth Ritsuko."  
  
"I thought it would be nice to tell my little Boo about the change in arrangements personally," Ritsuko said, smirking.  
  
"Boo?" Misato asked, eyebrow raised.  
  
"Never mind. Come along Maya, we have work to do."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Meanwhile, down in the Boys change room.  
  
"Squeak!"  
  
"Huh?" Shinji said, looking up from his clothing bag. "What was that?"  
  
"Ah, nothing." Touji said, blushing. "It must have been a faulty ventilation pipe or something!"  
  
"Right."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Shinji shuffled out of Misato's office with hands in pockets and head bowed. His dramatic score decrease had led to a half-hour lecture from Misato, which was always "fun". Although she had encouraged him to suppress all memories of the Ramen Incident, at least she had held back from setting up another round of consultations with the NERV psychologist. Shinji had had enough therapy to last a lifetime and was intent on never seeing another head shrinker for as long as his lived.  
  
Touji's score must have fallen as well, if the way Maya had dragged him off to her office was any indication. Asuka on the other hand seemed gleeful about her performance. She had made the point of stopping by the Boys change rooms to tell Touji and him of her inherit superiority over the bakas of the world. Shinji had had no doubts that she had two particular bakas in mind when she said that.  
  
"Well, I guess if it's good for her," he muttered to himself.  
  
"Why?" came the unanticipated reply. Shinji looked up just in time to avoid walking straight into Rei (again). She was still dressed in the damp plugsuit that she had worn for the test, as well as holding onto a small glass vial of pills.  
  
"Gah! Ayanami!" Shinji cried, leaping back involuntary. Rei blinked.  
  
"Gah." Rei said slowly, as if experimenting with the unfamiliar sound. Shinji took another step back, this time worried. The way she said it, the fact she said it at all. memories of the early days in Tokyo-3 and the Rei he knew back then.. could she be regressing?  
  
The small smile that came to her lips put an end to that train of thought. Shinji nearly choked on his own disbelief. Had Rei actually been teasing him?  
  
"Ah, sorry Rei, you. you startled me, that's all!"  
  
"Perhaps you should have been more alert," she replied, arching one eyebrow slightly.  
  
Shinji calmed down and began to smile as well. Coming from Rei, this was "Evening at the Improv" material.  
  
"Sorry, Rei. Say, shouldn't you have changed into your school uniform already?"  
  
"I will do so soon. I had to wait for Dr Akagi to reissue my medication first."  
  
"Medication?" Shinji asked. Rei held out the vial for Shinji to see. "Why do you need to take medication? Are you all right?"  
  
"These pills are helping treat a small problem of mine. I am fine."  
  
"Well, if you say so," Shinji said doubtfully, before trying to change tack. "At least you still have your health. I'm sure you must be happy about that!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Ah, well. it's a saying and. never mind, Rei," Shinji said, unsure whether she was teasing him again. "I'll see you at school tomorrow, okay?"  
  
"Very well. Good day, Ikari."  
  
The two went to part ways. However, just as Shinji walked past Rei he bumped into her side. This small collision was enough to knock the vial out of her hands. As Shinji turned around to apologise, Rei leaned forward to retrieve her medication.  
  
The words "I'm sorry" struggled but failed to come out as Shinji was afforded with a prime view of her small, tight, plugsuit-encased behind.  
  
Shinji tried to shut his eyes, to turn away or at least to blink in surprise. But like many men who had found themselves in similar situations, Shinji's control over his eyes and muscles had fallen to nearly zero.  
  
"This is an annoyance," Rei muttered to herself. The fact that both the vial and Rei's plugsuit gloves were still damp with LCL made picking up the small vial a Herculean task.  
  
"Gah. gah. GAH!" Shinji managed to choke out.  
  
"Do not panic, Ikari. There is nothing to startle you." Rei said, eyes focused on the ever-slipping vial rather than the now beet-red Shinji.  
  
The vial, proving to be as hard to grab as a toy in an arcade claw machine, slipped out of her hands again and rolled down one of the Bakelite drains, wedging itself in a grate. Forced to Plan B, Rei got down on her elbows and knees and stuck her arm down the drain, trying to grab the hold of the vial once and for all. In counterbalance to Rei's searching hand, her pert XXXX swayed back and forth with Shinji's eyes firmly locked on and tracking. However, the image stopped registering on his young fertile mind as his brain started going through its stored data banks for similar situations..  
  
FLASH!  
  
The ever-present jackhammers are still working in the background, but the world of Shinji Ikari has gone silent. He looks into the eyes of Rei Ayanami, the strange blue haired girl who was lying naked underneath him. "Will you get off?"  
  
Only then does he notice the warm smoothness of her breast squashed underneath his palm. He leaps back in shock.  
  
FLASH!  
  
From the entry plug of Unit 01, Shinji looked down at the monster that was once his friend, floating in front of the crucified abomination. There could be no radio link between the two, nor any words picked up on Unit 01's sensors. Yet Kaworu's words were as plain as if he had been standing right in front of him.  
  
"No, it can't be. Lillith?"  
  
FLASH!  
  
Ritsuko is maniacally laughing, despite the gun to the back of head. The naked Rei clones looking down at the very stunned Shinji cannot help but laugh as well. The whole world seems to be laughing at him.  
  
FLASH!  
  
A young woman, her face lost to the mists of time, rinses a rag in a bucket. She turns to smile at Shinji, and he feels loved.  
  
Shinji snapped.  
  
"It's happening again!" he screamed, the reddish-white edges of his corneas showing in his eye sockets. The flight wining over the fight response, he tore his eyes away from Rei so suddenly he nearly snapped his own neck. Rushing through the nearest door into a small dank cubicle, he slammed the door shut and slumped down to the ground shaking. He repeated an old mantra that started with a whisper but quickly growing louder. However, it wasn't Old Faithful, also known as "I mustn't run away."  
  
"She is not my mother, she is not my mother, she is not my mother."  
  
From the other side of the door, Rei carefully got to her knees and then to her feet. Not wishing for another repeat, she clutched the vial tightly to her breast. Rei looked at the door marked "Janitor's Closet" for a few seconds, listening to the muffled. Her face had returned to its unreadable default.  
  
'I will protect him,' she thought, 'no matter how confusing he may be.'  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Maya's office looked a lot like Kensuke's idea of Heaven, or so Touji guessed. There was more processing power in the mass of computer equipment on and around her desk than in some Third World countries. Touji sat on a fold-out chair borrowed from the NERV cafeteria while Maya stood behind her desk. With her small height and the impressive tower of computer parts, it was the only way she could look at him while retaining some sense of authority.  
  
"I'm sure you must wonder why you're here, Touji," Maya began, before being interrupted by the boy in question  
  
"I'm here because you asked nicely and when that failed, you dragged me here by the ear."  
  
"Well, that's true, I guess. But I did have a reason for asking you to come today."  
  
Touji's mind added one plus one together and came up with 3.14592654.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I'm already taken," he said, a tinge of red appearing on his face.  
  
"Huh?" Maya said, completely lost. Standing behind Touji in the doorway, the recently arrived Ritsuko raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I know you're pretty interested in me. You basically dragged me out of the change room half dressed. I'm flattered, maybe even a little bit interested. However, although I'm looking for some loving, I have a girlfriend, you know and."  
  
Maya was approaching what crayon makers now dubbed the "Shinji Embarrassed Red" shade. Ritsuko came very close to swallowing the cigarette she was smoking.  
  
".even if she now shuns me, making me want to cry deep down inside though I would never mention it to anyone, especially someone I only knew casually at work and." Touji's two brain cells crashed into each other somewhere deep in the vacuum of his skull, causing a brief spark of light. "Oh crap. Ignore that last plan."  
  
"Women trouble eh?" said Ritsuko, walking forward and placing her hands on the backrest of the chair. Touji gulped and tried to pull the "accidental confession" foot out of his mouth.  
  
"Ah, although I'm not interested in sleeping with you, well. ah," Touji stuttered, trying to think of a way out of the mess. Suddenly it came to him, a way to kill two birds with one stone. Not only that, he would be helping out one of his friends in the process.  
  
" I do have a friend who would though. His name's Kensuke and."  
  
"Touji," Ritsuko growled, moving her hands closer to his neck.  
  
". he likes computers, obscure mecha anime and isn't that ugly."  
  
"Touji!" Ritsuko barked, so loud that he nearly jumped out of his own skin. He certainly did shriek though.  
  
"Neither Maya nor I are interested in sleeping with you, your friends or any other people you happen to meet on the street!"  
  
"Sorry Ma'am!" Touji squeaked.  
  
"What we wanted to talk to you about was your low Sync ratio. You obviously had something on your mind that distracted you during the test," Maya said, turning one of her monitors around to show the comparison Sync scores. Touji blinked in surprise at his result. His life didn't revolve around what ratio he achieved (unlike some people he could name), but even he had to admit that this score was a cause for concern.  
  
"We were going to gently question you and make a guess as to what the problem was," Ritsuko said, looking down at a few trial questions she had jotted down, "until you were so kind as to blurt out the cause in one big slip. So I guess we can thank you for sparing us the hours-long psychoanalytical session."  
  
"Well, what can you do?" he said, accepting that the cat was out the bag and was now drinking from Ritsuko's milk bowl.  
  
"Apart from a painful and excruciatingly embarrassing medical examination, not much" admitted Ritsuko. "Attracting the opposite sex has never really been my forte."  
  
"But you're women! Throw me a line here!" he cried, becoming more desperate. "What's your idea of a romantic evening?"  
  
Ritsuko and Maya blushed again. Luckily for them, Touji remained clueless to the subtext.  
  
"You could send roses and love letters to her beforehand," Maya said as she glanced over at Ritsuko.  
  
"You could take her to a concert, ballet or something you obviously hate just to please her," Ritsuko chipped in, smiling a little and thinking back to the night of the "Taming of the Shrew" play put on by the Japanese Shakespeare Company.  
  
"Most of all, make her feel special. Let her know that she's the only one for you," said Maya, not even looking at Touji any more.  
  
"Stalk her, let her know I care. Check," said Touji, smiling as he rose from the chair, "well, now that we've gotten to the bottom of this, can I go now?  
  
Ritsuko's hands clamped onto his shoulders and pushed him back down.  
  
"Not so fast. There still is the matter of your punishment for blurting out secret information."  
  
"I was kind of hoping you had forgotten that."  
  
"Afraid not," Ritsuko said, smiling, "you're going to help us calibrate the new Medical Unit by being the test subject"  
  
"Ah, does the unit have a name or anything?"  
  
"As a matter of fact, yes. 'The Probulator', I believe," she replied, looking down at her notebook and smirking.  
  
"I kind of feared that," Touji sighed.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
"Are we done yet?" asked Misato in her annoying bratty voice while leaning over the back of Hyuuga's chair.  
  
Hyuuga kept typing away at his console. "No."  
  
Misato started to feel playful and decided to press the already frazzled technician. "Are we done yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are we."  
  
Hyuuga looked up, irritated. Her pestering over, Misato blushed and turned her head away. She had tried to play games on Hyuuga before but they always seemed to backfire like this.  
  
The man himself was in no mood to play around. First Misato had chewed him out and now she was acting like a child on a long car trip. He could never figure Misato out, especially in his current caffeine-deprived state.  
  
"I've just about finished all the data entry, but printing out all these documents may take a while. Perhaps I can go and get you a drink while they do that."  
  
He attempted to stand but Misato put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him. The technician looked up at her with questioning eyes.  
  
"Major?"  
  
"I'll go get us something; after all, I've been the improper one here."  
  
"Uh, okay," he said. Hyuuga was completely confused.  
  
"So, how do you take your coffee?" she asked him. For some reason, Misato could still feel some heat in her cheeks. It reminded her of the time at university, when she had offered to get Kaji some caffeinated soft drink during one of their study session. Although that had ended up with some rather kinky sex in a public place, it had still made her feel a little more like a woman, rather than an overbearing authority figure like Ritsuko.  
  
"Erm, milk and two sugars."  
  
At that point Hyuuga's brain was working on autopilot. Despite working with her for so many years, his opinion of Misato had changed once again. The more time he spent with her, the more he was unable to figure out his character. Misato was not an easy woman to comprehend, but it was those quaint little imperfections that kept a guy interested.  
  
"Gotcha," she said, winking.  
  
Misato stood upright and began to walk out of the Command Centre. She had almost reached the door when Hyuuga cracked.  
  
"Major?"  
  
Misato stopped and turned around.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Thank you," he said quietly, blushing.  
  
"It's no trouble at all. But you could do one thing for me."  
  
"Yes Major?"  
  
"Call me Misato," Misato smiled, "it's not like we're not all friends here."  
  
"Yes Maj. I mean Misato."  
  
Misato grinned and winked at him before disappearing into the hallway. Hyuuga slumped back into his chair when the door slid closed again, tension draining out of his body like water through a sieve. At least that was happening, until a new voice made itself known in the Command Centre.  
  
"Call me. Misato," mocked the quite un-feminine voice.  
  
Hyuuga almost had a heart attack. He swivelled in his chair to see Shigeru on the other side of the Command Bridge, grinning like an idiot.  
  
"How long have you been there?" the bespectacled man yelled.  
  
"Long enough."  
  
Still grinning, he walked over to his station. As he passed Hyuuga, Shigeru dropped a large report folder on Hyuuga's lap before flopping down into his own seat. Hyuuga opened the cover and studied the first few pages.  
  
"The new profiles?" asked Hyuuga.  
  
"Yep," replied Shigeru, tailing back in his chair, "it nearly killed me, but they're done."  
  
"Lazy ass."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Nothing," Hyuuga lied.  
  
He set the report on the side of the console and resumed typing.  
  
"Still not done yet?"  
  
Hyuuga started hitting the keys a little harder than he needed to. "Well unlike some, we actually have to work hard all the time."  
  
"Ouch. You must be really hooked on her then."  
  
He stopped. "What?"  
  
"You must be really hooked on Misato. You should look at yourself, all flushed and agitated. All I did was overhear a conversation about how you took your coffee, yet you flipped out! Face it, you want her bad."  
  
"Well, I."  
  
"Not that I blame you; she is a fox!"  
  
Hyuuga shot his co-worker a nasty glance. "HEY! Stop that right now!"  
  
"Whoa! Down boy. I was just saying," replied Shigeru, holding his hands up defensively.  
  
"She's a lady and deserved to be treated as such," Hyuuga grumbled, jabbing at the keys on his console. Shigeru looked at him with a downcast expression, his hands sorting and filing documents away in autopilot until he couldn't take the tense silence any more.  
  
"Okay, okay! I'm sorry, geeze. All I'm saying is you have good taste."  
  
Hyuuga cocked his head to the side, before going back to his typing, confusing the Communications officer to no end.  
  
"Not that it matters anyway; she doesn't think about me like that."  
  
The conversation restored, Shigeru decided to press onward. "Well, what I saw was pretty encouraging."  
  
"She said the word "friend," and friends don't date you know."  
  
"Friends can become GOOD friends, if you know what I mean."  
  
Hyuuga knew that much. It wasn't like he was completely clueless, but that wasn't the problem.  
  
"It's not like I don't want to ask her, I'm just afraid we may lose what we have if she says no."  
  
Shigeru was now definitely curious. What was the hangup? Unless there was something else going on he didn't know about.  
  
"What you have? What exactly do you have with her?"  
  
"Well I, erm, you know, there's the job and the coffee and all that. stuff."  
  
Obviously there wasn't.  
  
"In other words, practically nothing?"  
  
"Yeah," sighed Hyuuga.  
  
"So what have you got to lose?"  
  
"Other than my job?"  
  
Shigeru had heard some lame excuses from guys who didn't want to ask a girl out on a date, but losing his job over simple offer for dinner and movie was the most severe and paranoid ones he had heard.  
  
"She's not going to get you fired if you ask her out."  
  
"I've heard stories."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"There were a few tactical assistants before me you know."  
  
"Ah..."  
  
"Perhaps it's best that we just kept our relationship on a professional level."  
  
It was obvious to Shigeru that Hyuuga was once again wussing out. There was only one way to get Hyuuga to overcome his fear, and that was to get him so worked-up that he forgot why he was supposed to be scared in the first place. It had worked quite well several months previously when Hyuuga wouldn't get up at the karaoke bar. After mocking him for all the years he had spent in the Tokyo-2 Boy Choir, Hyuuga had finally gotten up and sung "Eclipse of the Heart" with the best of them. He had been cheered off stage, which could not be said of the following singer, an annoying gaijin who drank better than he sang.  
  
"You are such a chicken."  
  
" I. I am not!"  
  
"Considering you don't spend a lot of time with Misato, you sure know a lot about her."  
  
"It's just part of my job," Hyuuga reassured.  
  
"What's her shoe size?" Snapped Shigeru.  
  
"I dunno."  
  
Shigeru frowned. "Be honest."  
  
"Seven and a half," groaned the tech.  
  
"See what I mean. You know her better than anyone, you could complete her in so many ways because of that."  
  
"Well."  
  
"No "well" about it. Ask her out on a date this Saturday, for the love of God man! She isn't going to be single forever; I've seen the way guys look at her, and not just on the base!"  
  
"You're right," agreed Hyuuga, clenching his fist, "I have to do something about this. I can no longer hide my feelings from her!"  
  
"Yes," Shigeru said, nodding.  
  
Hyuuga stood up as if in defiance of the heavens. "I know I can be the man that will bring her happiness in her life! "  
  
"Yes!"  
  
He struck a mighty pose that you only found in anime. "I will ask Misato Katsuragi out on a date this Saturday!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
The door to the command centre slid open and Misato entered, carrying a mug of hot coffee in each hand.  
  
"Did I just hear my name mentioned?" she asked.  
  
"No!" Hyuuga blurted in a little girly voice.  
  
He blushed and dropped back into his seat to resume typing, trying to avoid Misato's curious glances and Shigeru flapping his arms, chicken-like.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Kensuke grunted in frustration as he pulled himself around another corner of the school's ventilation system. It was cold, dark and tight: nothing at all like the movies and games he had been raised on. But he had come too far to turn back now. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he saw a ray of light emanating up from a grate. Crawling toward it and looking down, Kensuke could see that he was above the school's server room.  
  
"Any moment now," Kensuke whispered, checking his watch.  
  
"Holy shit, some student is looking at Pr0n on the school server!" cried the Administrator as he got up from his computer and rushed out the door, which automatically sealed itself behind him.  
  
Kensuke knew deep down it was wrong to set up a ghost program using a random student's ID, especially when he had it log onto www.tenticalmonsterattacks.com. However, he knew that the uptight school administrator would rush to the offending machine and sort it out himself. However, Kensuke believed the end justified the means, as hacking into the school's system was impossible without a supercomputer. The amazingly intricate firewall and encryption systems were far beyond that of most corporate networks. In a way it was his own fault, for if he hadn't been blatantly messing around inside the school system for the past five years the PTA wouldn't have thought such. extreme measures where necessary. Anyway, it meant that he had to infiltrate the mainframe physically.  
  
Using his stealth electric screwdriver, Kensuke undid the fastenings on the grate and pushed it aside. Curling up into a tight ball, he pivoted around so his legs were facing the grate. He slowly pushed himself backwards and lowered himself into the room. However, he forgot to take into consideration that he had no upper body strength. Instead of suspending him from the opening and then silently dropping down, Kensuke's arms gave in almost immediately. He plummeted through part of the false floor and into a pile of network cables.  
  
"That never happened in Metal Gear Solid," groaned Kensuke, picking himself up and made his way over to the console on the main server.  
  
After a few little changes to the student record database, he opened up some student access accounts and sent a number of prepared emails before wiping their existence from both the student's and the main server's logs, ensuring nobody could ever trace them back to a single source.  
  
The rumours were set in play. The game was on.  
  
"Phase one complete; time is 16:36 hours." Kensuke said into a small pocket recorder. Running a commentary of his actions made him think more in what he called his "military mode."  
  
The task completed, he quickly removed his electronic footprints from the log on the mainframe and all the backups before leaving the computer just as he had found it. He replaced the floor panelling and then looked up at the ventilation shaft.  
  
How the hell was he going to get back in?  
  
He had planned the ingress, operation and egress but had forgot one crucial thing; he had no means of hauling himself back into the vent. He couldn't leave by the front door, because there were bound to be teachers beyond and as a student, he was the last person they would expect to be in the server room for any ethical reason. He couldn't move the chair because he wouldn't be able to put it back again. It was a dilemma that could put Solid Snake in a bind, if Solid Snake were a 17-year-old geek with no fancy infiltration gadgets or muscles.  
  
Time was running out. The Admin by all rights should have been back by now. Perhaps he had been distracted by the website longer than expected. Then he heard footsteps; the Admin was coming back! Desperately Kensuke searched the room. Finally, his eyes set upon a large rack of switches that was positioned near the vent opening. If he stretched just enough, he could hopefully haul himself up.  
  
A small groan of protest came from the overloaded shelves as he placed a boot on the lowermost rack. Fortunately, it was strong enough to take his weight. Kensuke carefully made his way to the top and leaned slowly backward, until he felt his arm slip into the shaft. He inched his other arm up into the same space, then with a deft move of agility that Kensuke didn't think possible, pulled back and raised his right foot, which pressed up against the grate opening. To his horror, he heard the door to the server room hiss open. He was out of time! Pushing back with all the strength in his legs, Kensuke kicked back and vaulted himself into the shaft. However, it also sent the switch rack onto a course of destruction with the head of the Admin, who let out a girlish scream before being clobbered by thousands of dollars worth of hardware.  
  
As other teachers rushed to aid the stricken man, Kensuke used the confusion to reseal the grate and crawl as quietly as he could. However, he neglected to pay attention to where he was going and in his mad rush to escape, soon found that he had no idea where he had entered from  
  
"Where the hell am I?" Kensuke asked nobody in particular as he scanned the map of the school ducts, his pen light clenched between teeth.  
  
It was then he heard murmuring and hushed conversation from a nearby grate. He carefully inched forward until he found the opening and peered down. Unfortunately, the room was dark and he couldn't see a thing. However, now he could hear the voices more clearly, his curiosity getting the better of him he turned off the light and listened.  
  
"Comrades! It has not come to my attention that the atrocious city government is not even run by the people! Deep in the bowels of NERV headquarters, all the important decisions governing our lives are made by computers built by capitalists!"  
  
There was a loud growl of discontent from the audience, the numbers of which Kensuke could not determine. Kensuke had forgotten all about escaping; his attention was caught up by the activities of those below him.  
  
'Communists!' he thought. A Communist cadre, right in his very school! It was just like those old Cold War movies, minus the nuclear weapons and promiscuous British spies.  
  
While Kensuke had already been unlucky twice in the space of an hour, "Luck" had decided that three times was the charm. The duct's supports had been poorly designed and had suffered above average wear and tear from the sonic reverberations of Evangelion footsteps. The duct gave way with a loud creak of metal; and Kensuke quickly found himself going from a bird's eye view to a ground view within the space of a few seconds.  
  
"What is going on here?" someone demanded.  
  
Kensuke groggily opened his eyes. He blinked and then noticed he was staring into an angry brown pair of eyes and jolted back into a sitting position. Ignoring the sudden pain in his ribs, and taking stock of his surroundings. He was in one of the school's older audiovisual rooms, encircled by at least a dozen other students, all wearing red berets and little else.  
  
He also noticed the cute yet familiar, and similarly unclothed girl he was straddling.  
  
'NUDE Communists!' Kensuke mentally added.  
  
"An intruder!" boomed the ringleader, "Trying to assassinate comrade Keiko! Get h. I mean, seize him!"  
  
Before he could react, two boys pulled Kensuke up by his arms into a standing position as the leader came into the circle.  
  
"Capitalist pawn! You have come where you are not wanted."  
  
Kensuke gazed at the ringleader while also trying not to stare at either the other boy's Wang or the two females in the group. He finally managed to place a name to the face. It was Jun, a class rep and one of Hikari's friends.  
  
"You're all Communists!?"  
  
"Yes, and we are everywhere," Jun replied, smirking.  
  
"But why Nude ones!?"  
  
"Because clothing is the opiate which keeps the masses from being free!"  
  
Not knowing what opiates were, Kensuke decided to return to the previous line of questioning. "So. you're all Communists?"  
  
Jun gave a wry smile. "Yes. While you, my friend, are an Enemy of the People..."  
  
"Oh nuts," groaned Kensuke as several hands grabbed him roughly at once.  
  
'Why couldn't I have fallen into the girl's change room, or something like that?' he thought to himself as the fists began to rain down.  
  
Of all the days not to come to school with cyanide pills in his mouth.  
  
To be continued.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -  
  
Author Comments  
  
Seph Khan: After many hours of painful editing and grammar nitpicking, we present to you the finalised Second Chapter of Japanese Ramen. I would like to tip my hat to Worldmage, our poor editor. The text file of all the things that were initially wrong with this chapter was nearly as big as the fic itself. I'm hoping that we got the vast majority of the errors, but we're only human. Try not to lynch us for our occasional mangling of the English tongue.  
  
Rion and I are hard at work on Chapter 3, so expect the draft to pop up on the EFML within the next few months.  
  
I would also like to thank those who took the time to nominate us in the Takoballs. It's a phrase that is often oversaid with little sincerity, but it is a great privilege to make it till the second round, especially as we held back from actually rigging the vote :P  
  
We would also like to thank our pre readers Rhine and Hotwire, as well as Daniel Snyder for their (usually) kind words and advice  
  
Rion: You would think after years of work and preparation a second chapter wouldn't have taken so long to get out to you all, yet here we are. It's only because we dedicated all this time to working with our pre-readers and editors to come up with the best possible product for you, the readers.  
  
The road has been long and hard, dotted with the occasional bout of frustration and the words "I'm never doing a fic like this again" uttered at least once. However that's another chapter down and more on the way so please bear with us as we serve up more hot and steamy bowls of comedy and clichés.  
  
Snooch to the nooch. 


	3. Chapter 3 Queer Eye for the Shinji Guy

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
JAPANESE RAMEN **

**Chapter 3: Queer Eye for the Shinji Guy/The Red Menace. **

**By Rion and Seph Khan **

**An Operation A801 Ordered Production (www.operation-a801.com)  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------**   
  
Shinji aimlessly kicked a rock along the pavement as he and Touji walked towards their respective homes, both lost in their own thoughts and reflections on what had occurred that afternoon. The late evening sun provided just enough light for Shinji to keep track of where his rock went.  
  
Having enough of the silence the taller boy decided to clear the air.  
  
"So what's bothering you then?" asked Touji.  
  
"Huh?" responded a despondent Shinji, who looked up from the ground in the middle of a kick. His sneaker clad foot missed his intended target and skidded along the pavement. Shinji's expression became more downcast if that was possible... he missed his rock.  
  
"You've been kicking that rock since we left NERV man," Touji said, stating the completely obvious.  
  
"It's nothing really," mumbled Shinji.  
  
"Sure it isn't," the jock sarcastically replied, "are you still down about the whole wiener-burning incident?"  
  
Leave it to Touji to dredge up things that should have been left buried. Now Shinji had another reason to feel gloomy. In the great game of depression, he had just scored a hat trick.  
  
"No, but thanks for bringing it back up," Shinji snapped.  
  
"Hey sorry," Touji held his hands up defensively, before suddenly dropping them into a classic thinker pose, "just haven't seen you this down since, since... the Demon!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You're hung up on the demon aren't ya?!" exclaimed Touji, "you sick little..."  
  
"It's not like that!" Shinji said, beginning to blush.  
  
"Then what is it, like ya masochist?" Touji said, pointing his index finger at his startled companion accusingly.  
  
Shinji groaned in frustration. "Stop it. It's about Asuka, but not like you think."  
  
Touji looked at his friend strangely but remained silent. "Go on..."  
  
"Last night we were having dinner and..."  
  
"You made out on the dinner table?! You sick little monkey!" interrupted Touji.  
  
Shinji glared at the pilot of Unit 03 with a gaze more at home on Asuka's face than his normally meek visage.  
  
"Take your mind out of the gutter for five seconds," pleaded Shinji.  
  
"I'll try but I'm not promising anything."  
  
Satisfied, but still dubious about his friend, Shinji continued.  
  
"She was talking about something with Misato, then she demanded my help and I caved."  
  
What Touji said next was the last thing Shinji expected from his 'friend'.  
  
"So? You always cave."  
  
"Weren't you the one yesterday who was trying to get me to stop giving into Asuka?" spluttered Shinji.  
  
Touji scratched his chin in thought.  
  
"Oh yeah. But I crossed my fingers on it."  
  
Shinji was shocked. "Y-you..."  
  
Touji slapped his friend on the back. "But good for you man. You proved me wrong and even if I owe Kensuke 5000 yen, I'm still proud of you. Keep trying though!"  
  
"Have you been listening to anything I've been saying?" Shinji asked, sighing.  
  
They continued along the footpath for a while, but Touji's attentions waned as they approached a street corner. Shinji turned left when he heard footsteps heading away from him.  
  
"Hey, where are you going?" asked Shinji, "you live this way!"  
  
Touji turned and scratched the back of his head.  
  
"Me, oh um I'm just going to draw out some money."  
  
That set off alarms in Shinji's mind. Touji never touched his bank account, he was stingy even on special occasions. Who else would wear the same tracksuit all through high school? He had heard that Mari had been altering that piece of cloth so much it split due to the fabric being stitched and restitched so many times. No piece of fabric is that durable though, as many other athletes discovered during Touji's hurdle trial last year.  
  
"What for?" he asked suspiciously.  
  
"Stuff," replied Touji, a little too quickly.  
  
"O-kay." Shinji said, raising an eyebrow, "I'll see you tomorrow, then?"  
  
"Sure thing. I want a full report on everyone's progress tomorrow!"  
  
"Even yours?"  
  
"Yes, well..." mumbled Touji, "anyway, gotta be off, things to do know!"  
  
He waved and began to briskly walk off down the street, leaving Shinji at the corner really wondering about his friend.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
"Honey, I'm home!" Misato yelled as she entered the apartment. From his place at the kitchen bench preparing their meal for tonight, Shinji blinked.  
  
"Eh?" he replied.  
  
"Okay, maybe a little bit before your time," Misato said, "so, what's for dinner?"  
  
"Chicken Katsu, Shinji style."  
  
"You're cooking chicken?" Asuka asked, yelling out from her room, "make sure it's better than those noodles you cooked last time!"  
  
"Don't worry, I'll do better tonight," he sighed.  
  
"Don't worry Shinji, I'm sure it'll be..." Misato began, before being interrupted by the warking around her feet. Looking down, she stared right into the eyes of her pet penguin, who was trying to tell her something through his warks and the rapid movements of his fins.  
  
"What do you want, PenPen?"  
  
"Wark!"  
  
"A guy with glasses likes me?"  
  
"Wark, Wark!!!"  
  
"What was that? Shinji, did you hear him?"  
  
"I think he said something about 'being a good source of tuna'. At least, that's what I think he said..."  
  
"Wark!!!"  
  
"Slow down boy, I can barely understand you!"  
  
PenPen rushed off into his freezer in annoyance, soon returning with a large piece of paper inbetween his beak. Taking it from him, she saw a badly scrawled stick figure of a man wearing glasses with love hearts above his head.  
  
"Isn't that cute! You drew some Love Hina fanart for me!"  
  
"Stupid Otaku bird!" came Asuka's shrill voice again.  
  
"W...wark!"  
  
"He says that you're not listening..." Shinji began, and quite clearly she wasn't. Ignoring both the boy and the penguin, she walked over to the fridge and stuck up the piece of paper with a Nerv fridge magnet, humming "Sakura Saku" to herself.  
  
"I'm going to get changed into something a little more comfortable. Call out when dinner is ready," Misato said as she headed towards her room.  
  
Shinji and PenPen looked at each other and sighed.  
  
"She's hopeless, isn't she?" he asked rhetorically.  
  
"Wark..."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
To say the Horaki household was a hive of activity was an understatement. It Bustled with activity, with emphasise on the capital 'B'. Each of the girls had their assigned role, which they sped through in order to get to school before the bell. Kodama whistled away as she did the laundry, barely audible under the whine of Nozomi's vacuum cleaner. Both girls went about their tasks with smiles on their faces. They found these morning chores to be peaceful and easy compared to the rest of the hectic school day.  
  
Hikari did not share their enthusiasm today. The dark cloud that hung over her head was so tangible that it nearly rained on her. Knowing that it was no use trying to talk to Hikari while she was in this mood, her sisters left her alone.  
  
Like most of these little dark moments as of late, Touji was to blame. Hikari despaired about what she was going to do with her no-hope lug of a boyfriend.  
  
What had first attracted her to Touji- his compassion, courage and loyalty- where all still there. He hadn't changed from the boy she had given bentos to into some kind of heartless slob. In fact, that was the problem- he hadn't changed at all. He may have been physically seventeen, but he was still as mature as a fourteen-year-old. All the bad traits she had hoped he would have grown out of by now- his loud mouth that ran off without any prior thought, his romance dyslexia and his fully tracksuit filled wardrobe- were all still evident.  
  
She finished Nozomi's bento and reached for her schoolbag. Without a word of parting to her sisters, she left the apartment for another school day. Just as she was leaving though, something caught her eyes as she opened the door. On the welcome doormat, someone had left a single red rose with an attached card.  
  
Hikari sighed. Nozomi or Kodama had another suitor; someone who would take them out to dinner, send roses and do things that didn't involve B grade movie marathons. She picked up the rose, wondering which sister had been lucky enough to woo such a romantic paramour. Looking down at the card, her eyes widened. She rubbed them and looked at the card again. The kanji for "Hikari" had been meticulously written in golden pen on one side.  
  
Turning it over, she saw the message her admirer had left her.  
  
Hikari;  
  
Just a little sign of my appreciation, my sweet...  
  
Hope this rose makes you think of me, like everything else makes me think of you.  
  
You know who...  
  
On closer inspection, 'My sweet' had been written over the partially erased 'Babe'. This killed the mystery behind her secret admirer, but Hikari could not help smiling. Her dark cloud conceded defeat and floated off to pester some other lovelorn teen.  
  
'Maybe not so no-hope after all,' she sighed, content.  
  
As Hikari walked to school, she held the rose and card in her hand so as to remind herself that what she had found on her doorstep was not some sugar- coated dream.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Shinji walked across the basketball court to the Ball Stealer, the huge tree that served as a fortress of solitude and base of operations for the Three Stooges. Much to his surprise, Touji and Kensuke were there before him. Kensuke sat on a rock outcropping with a clear view of the oval, abandoning the early morning shade. Through his military binoculars, he seemed to be on the lookout for something, anything. The ever-late Touji was also there, the dark rings under his eyes testament to his hatred of getting out of bed early. His groaning was pitiful, but it brought a hint of a smile to Shinji's face.  
  
"So the dead have risen early this morning?" Shinji said.  
  
"I liked you better before you started acting like a smart ass," Touji complained, shading his eyes from the sun even in the Ball Stealer's shade.  
  
"What's the occasion then?"  
  
"The early bird catches the worm. I'll tell you more when we present our progress reports at lunchtime."  
  
'Uh oh,' Shinji thought, alarm bells ringing in his mind.  
  
"So how did the sync tests go? Is the Earth still safe?" Kensuke asked from his rock outcropping, before coughing and spitting out a tooth.  
  
'Damn, that's the second this morning' Kensuke thought. Meanwhile, Touji and Shinji were both beginning to sweatdrop. In some silent consensus, they both decided to change the subject.  
  
"So why exactly are you sitting out there?" Shinji asked, noticing the lost teeth as well as the many bruises. He hoped Kensuke hadn't been caught peeping the in the girl's change rooms again.  
  
"I must maintain watch over the school. The Red Menace could rear its head at any moment, and it is my sworn duty to stop it!"  
  
"Asuka? You can try and stop her, but it's your funeral buddy," Touji laughed.  
  
"No, not Asuka. Communists!" Kensuke said fervently, "although, now that I think about it... Maybe she's an East German spy."  
  
"Kensuke..." Shinji said, always cautious when stopping the military otaku in mid-rant, "Communism in Germany collapsed over a decade before we were born."  
  
"Then maybe the Demon is some kind of sleeper agent."  
  
"Ah, Kensuke? Earth to Kensuke?" Touji said, trying to drag his friend back to reality, "how goes your project?"  
  
"My project?" he said, blinking, "Oh yeah, that."  
  
With one finger, Kensuke pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose in a decidingly Gendou-esque manner and smirked. Shinji shuddered, despite himself.  
  
"To lunchtime, and the secrets that await," Kensuke replied cryptically, the sunlight reflecting of his glasses.  
  
The hairs on the back of Shinji's neck stood up. It seems he... or at least, they were being watched. He turned to look out over the oval and at all the small groups sitting on its ground. A number of girls were looking at the basketball courts, or to be more precise, were looking at Kensuke up on his rock. Seeing that one of the Stooges had caught on, over half of the girls on the oval watching quickly turned away in near synchronisation. It would have been amusing if Shinji hadn't been so profoundly disturbed.  
  
"That reminds me. If any girl comes up to you and asks about me, could you please..." Kensuke trailed off, searching for the right word.  
  
"Lie?" Touji chipped in.  
  
"Exactly," Kensuke said, his conceitful mood only interrupted by the school bell. Sighing in unison, they left the Ball Stealer and headed to their classroom for the start of another school day.  
  
In the bushes, a pair of sinister eyes followed them.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Shinji made his way through the throng of student crowding the hallways. Touji and Kensuke had headed back to the classroom, but Shinji had decided to get a drink of water now rather than wait for recess. He knew he would get in trouble with Sensei, but all the sweatdropping he had been doing before school had made him dehydrated.  
  
As he passed, he managed to hear snippets of conversations between little cliques as they walked to respective classrooms.  
  
"Did you hear about his flaming eagle tattoo?"  
  
"And that poor girl's name as well as over his heart?"  
  
"I heard he made all his money as a song writer."  
  
'Hmm, guess there's someone else famous at school,' Shinji thought, 'The Paparazzi can stalk someone else for a change.'  
  
"And you believed all that?" said another girl, "Come on, we all know that Kensuke is a secret undercover agent protecting Ikari and Ayanami!"  
  
'Kensuke!?' Shinji thought, stopping in mid step, 'But.... How? How could he get them to believe stuff like this?'  
  
Standing in the middle of the hallway, he was quickly knocked aside by a bunch of fourteen-year-old boys. Shaking his head in disbelief, he headed over to the water fountain and leans down to partake in the blessedly cool water.  
  
'Touji has to be up to something... nothing else would get him up earlier than me. Now there are woman talking about Kensuke without laughing! This can't be good...' Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Shinji headed back to class. If he was lucky, the Sensei's failing prostate had kept the old man in the bathroom longer than usual.  
  
'Not only are they following the pledge, they've also seem to have made some progress. What have I achieved?' he thought, thinking back to his aborted attempt to stand up to Asuka.  
  
"Hey, Lord Ironfist!" a girl shouted, breaking Shinji out of his reverie.  
  
'Oh shoot...' he cringed at the moniker, wishing people would forget but unfortunately knowing better. He turned around to look at Yume Kodeko, a girl in the same year as Shinji but in a different class.  
  
"My name is Shinji" he began, hoping that by standing up to this stranger he might at least have something to tell the guys at lunchtime.  
  
"Yeah, that's nice," Yume said, brushing him off, "you're a friend of Aida's, right?"  
  
"I guess you could say..."  
  
"Well, Reiko and I just wanted to say that we admire his sacrifice."  
  
'Reiko? Sacrifice?' Shinji thought. The only Reiko that he knew was the Head Girl, Reiko Tatomi. He saw in the hallways every now and then, as well as having heard her speak during assemblies.  
  
"And Reiko was just wondering... could you ask him... once he's finished mourning of course... if he would be interested in going out sometime?"  
  
"Going out? What are you talking about?"  
  
"Please! Could you please pass it onto him?"  
  
"Ah sure, I guess..."  
  
"Great! Thanks Tetsuoken!" she cried out as she ran back to class, leaving a very perplexed Shinji to scratch his head in disbelief.  
  
'I've really got to have a talk with that boy...' Shinji told himself and started to wonder if he needed a name badge. Despite his pilot status, leave it to the ignorant peoples of the world to forget who did all the hard yards.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
As Shinji stood in the hallway and clenched his fists, Touji was leaning over his desk talking to Kensuke.  
  
"So what's with all those bruises? Did you get into a fight with those vicious thirteen year olds punks again?"  
  
"I'm telling you, it was..." Kensuke began, before clamping his hands over his mouth. Looking around hurriedly to see if anyone suspicious was paying attention to them, Kensuke leaned over and whispered, "communists." "Really..." Touji said, deadpan.  
  
"I swear it's true! They were Communists, nude Communists!"  
  
"This is sounding more and more like one of your sexual fantasies, but you've gained my interest."  
  
"Their ringleader is that guy Hikari hangs out with. I think his name is Jun or something!"  
  
"Jun?" Touji said, cracking his knuckles and smiling wickedly, "now you really have my attention."  
  
"I know I should be concentrating on our pledge, but I can't sit on my hands and do nothing!"  
  
"Well..." Touji said, trying to think of some advice to give his friend. Luckily, Sensei Nozo Abe finally decided to make an appearance in his classroom. Hikari buried the rose in her open schoolbag and begin the "Stand and Bow" routine.  
  
"So where did you find these political agitators?" Touji asked as they sat down again. Sensei began droning away in the background, not that either of them cared much.  
  
"Well, I had just finished setting a diversion on the school network so that the system admin would be..."  
  
"Rei Ayanami, please report to the Principal's office immediately," came a strident voice over the school's PA system. Everyone turned around to look at Rei, who blinked in surprise. She quickly regained her calm outward demeanour and left the room without further prompting.  
  
"What was that all about?" Kensuke asked, "Do you think...?"  
  
Touji had pulled out his mobile phone which, after a few breathless moments of anticipation, did not ring.  
  
"Nope, not another Angel" Touji said, sighing in relief.  
  
"Then what could they possibly want with Rei?"  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Happily situated in their private spot, Touji clapped his hand together and looked at his assembled party that consisted of Shinji and Kensuke sitting on the grass with their lunches spread before them.  
  
"The first of the daily progress reports on 'Operation Bone a Girl' will begin shortly. But first, any other business?"  
  
Shinji looked at the taller boy in confusion. "When was this whole endeavour given a title? More to the point, why is it called 'Operation Bone a Girl'?"  
  
"I like the 'Operation' part of the title," added Kensuke.  
  
Touji nodded in the direction of the bespectacled boy. "I thought you might."  
  
"That's not the part I have the problem with," argued Shinji.  
  
"Well it's accurate, isn't it?" asked Touji.  
  
"That's not the point either."  
  
"How about 'Operation Bang a Babe'?" interjected Kensuke.  
  
"Not bad..." Touji said, scratching his chin.  
  
Shinji was shocked. "NO!"  
  
Crossing his arms in frustration, Touji looked at the pilot. "Well, if you're the title police, why don't you come up with one?"  
  
Taking a moment, Shinji bowed his head in thought and then the answer came. "'Operation Coming of Age'"  
  
The athlete's eyes narrowed. "Fine, the title doesn't matter anyway. Kensuke, your report, if you please."  
  
Kensuke cracked his knuckles. "With pleasure."  
  
"Hi Kensuke!" came a chirpy female voice, throwing the boys into confusion.  
  
They all turned to see a cute girl with long black hair walk past, smiling at Kensuke who in turn smiled back with an eerie coolness unbecoming of him.  
  
"We have a security breach. How could this have happened?!" cried Touji.  
  
"Because we're underneath a tree in a common area? Our 'Security Officer' is a little preoccupied?" offered Shinji.  
  
"Point noted, Waterboy Ikari."  
  
"Don't call me that."  
  
"It's your official position."  
  
Sighing, Shinji finally relented. "Fine."  
  
Happy with his victory, Touji turned back to the sandy-haired boy. "Anyway, you were saying, Kensuke?"  
  
"She's okay, guys. From a respectable bourgeoisie family, not a threat," said Kensuke, his eyes following the girl as she walked over to her giggling friends.  
  
"Your report!"  
  
"Huh? Well, I think the evidence speaks for itself," replied Kensuke whilst smirking.  
  
"Yes, true. But still we need details man." countered Touji.  
  
Kensuke just smiled and tapped his nose knowingly. "Ancient Chinese secret."  
  
"I don't care if it's Chinese or ancient, although it does put me in the mood for some mugu gai pan..."  
  
"Focus, Touji," warned Shinji.  
  
"Oh yeah, we're not supposed to be keeping secrets from each other here, dude."  
  
"All in good time, I promise."  
  
Kensuke cast a glance across the grass at a few girls talking under another tree, all of whom start waving back at him. He smiles again and waves back. Shinji caught his hand automatically clenching and unclenching, which he willed to stop.  
  
"You okay?" asks Touji.  
  
Shinji looks up from his hand a little nervously. "Me? O-oh, just fine."  
  
Having finished attempting to flirt, Kensuke turned back to the group. "Well, how about you, fearless leader?"  
  
"I am pleased to say I've re-entered the 'wooing' stage of the game," smiled Touji, puffing out his chest for added effect.  
  
"That would explain the sudden decrease in our cleaning duty and the rose that seems to be superglued to her hands," Kensuke noted.  
  
"Huh... rose, where?"  
  
Touji looked around to see Hikari smiling and giggling amongst a group of girls, with the rose he gave her clutched in her hand. The rest of the girls were swooning, he could guess about what. A large goofy smile spread across his face, his eyes half lidded while mumbling incoherently.  
  
"Touji... yo dude," tested Kensuke, snapping his fingers in front of the boy's face.  
  
Kensuke turned to Shinji while Touji was off in his trance. "Nope he's gone. I guess it's your turn then Shinji. Shinji?"  
  
Kensuke looked at Shinji closely and noticed the boy staring back and forth between Touji and Hikari, panting, his face paling and his hands scrunched into tight balls and mumbling the words 'it's not fair' under his breath. Kensuke decided to point out the obvious.  
  
"I'm guessing that you don't have anything to report."  
  
Kensuke looks at his two friends, one googoo and the other about to hyperventilate. Calmly he packs up his bento and stands up.  
  
"Good day then, gentlemen."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Shinji stalked home alone, a bubbling cauldron of emotions. As per usual, the predominant of those emotions was depression. Kensuke and Touji had been off in Gah-Gah Land for the rest of the day, which hadn't helped. They normally walked part of the way home together, but Kensuke had been too busy talking to a crowd of female admirers while Touji and Hikari were already walking down the street.  
  
It had been a boring day. Tokyo-3 High had a limited teaching staff, which meant that year groups were often stuck with the same teacher for the entire run of their high school education. By now, everyone in Shinji's class could recite Abe-Sensei longwinded history lecture by heart. Even mathematics classes somehow found their way back to the Second Impact. They were going to fail everything else, but at least the class would be receiving near flawless marks in their history examinations. Even Touji, who, much to Hikari's concernation, had freaked out last year during the English exam and eaten his test paper.  
  
While pondering his many woes over a game of Solitaire, Shinji had seen something else that lowered his spirits. Down at the front of the school, another class was heading out to the oval for the Physical Education. The hyperactive Mana Kirishima had been at the forefront of the group, talking quite enthusiastically to some guy in her class. It looks like Shinji had lost his chance with her for good.  
  
A truck passed by on the road. As Shinji turned to watch it pass, he caught the glint of blue at the periphery of his vision before it had a chance to startle him.  
  
"Hi Ayanami," he said, turning around to look at his fellow pilot. A flicker of emotion (could it be disappointment?) crossed Rei's face, but it quickly passed.  
  
"Ikari," she replied, nodding her head slightly in greeting. They stood there silently for a moment before Shinji's curiosity got the better of him. He had been wondering about her ever since he overhead she had been sent to the Principal's office.  
  
"What happened in the Principal's office? Is there some kind of problem?"  
  
"Yes. I have been a very naughty girl."  
  
If Shinji had been drinking a glass of water, he would have spit it up at that instant.  
  
"...come again!?" he squeaked.  
  
"The school's network Admin registered my computer ID logged onto prohibited websites. He called me a naughty girl on several occasions."  
  
Shinji sweatdropped. That sounded like something the school Admin would say, if the legends about the infrequently seen hermit where true.  
  
"Forbidden material? Are you trying to build a N2 mine of some kind?" Shinji joked nervously. He didn't know where this was going, but he knew he wasn't going to like it.  
  
"No. The School Admin made extensive print outs as evidence," Rei said, reaching into her school briefcase, "I procured some for the Commander's reference."  
  
The print outs caught Shinji's eye for a moment, before he turned away in disgust. The content was something that Kensuke claimed to despise, yet had a whole folder on his computer set aside for.  
  
"I was unaware that humans and cephalopods could interact in such a way."  
  
Speaking of which, this whole situation had Kensuke's fingerprints all over it.  
  
"Ah..." he stuttered out, his face flushing so fast he thought he would burst some veins in his face.  
  
"Could you explain, Ikari?" she said, as curious as she was ever going to be.  
  
"Ah... were you using your computer when they said..."  
  
"I believe I was swimming at the time. However, in light of this new evidence, I will not swim again."  
  
"But Ayanami, if you were swimming, how could you have been logged onto the web and accessed... this?" Shinji said, pointing to the print outs while trying not to look at them.  
  
"I understand that. I told the Principal, but the Admin would not listen."  
  
"Well as long as the Principal believes you, what's the problem?" Shinji asked. Now he had a hold of his shock, he was handling the situation well. His red face dimmed down to a mildly embarrassed pink.  
  
"I can not swim anymore. I no longer feel safe."  
  
"Come again?"  
  
"In the water, I would be unable to protect myself," Rei said, lifting up the papers for the blanching Shinji to see clearly, "From this. It looks very... painful."  
  
"From that? But it isn't real, Ayanami."  
  
"I do not understand. These pictures..."  
  
"They're made up. Like..." Shinji said, racking his mind for a moment, "like those doctored photos of the Second Impact in our school text books."  
  
Something that approached understanding showed on Rei's face.  
  
"I think I see," she began, "but why would someone wish to doctor a image of an woman in coitus onto..."  
  
"I just don't know Ayanami" Shinji said, "I just don't know."  
  
The two were silent again. Shinji resited the urge to look down at his feet.  
  
"Thankyou anyway, Ikari," Rei said, folding up the print outs and returning them into her briefcase. "I will stay out of the water in the mean time though. Faked or not, I can no longer be easily replaced. Steps must be made to ensure my survival."  
  
"Ah, okay then. No problem."  
  
"Good day then," she said, walking off in the direction she had come from. Shinji blinked, analysing what had just happened. All things considering, he had handled himself rather well despite the strange subject material.  
  
After all, what conceivable reason would Rei have to log onto www.tenticalmonsterattacks.com?  
  
Maybe he could try to fulfil part of his pledge after all. He would never be as 'successful' as Touji or Kensuke, but at least they wouldn't be able to mock him for not trying at all.  
  
Something approaching a plan formed in Shinji's mind. Looking down at his watch, he figured he could make a quick detour to the commercial district without being missed by Asuka and Misato. Resolve in his heart, he headed on his way.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Asuka sat cross legged on her room floor with stacks of papers and folders all around her, the growing frustration quite apparent on her face as well as the lack of sleep caused by sorting through a very large assortment of information.  
  
"Damn Japanese government agencies and their loose security measures. One measly hacker named Colonel Ken and the whole computer network goes down. So here I am, sifting through all this hardcopy instead."  
  
She grimaced, remembering the large grin on the attendants face when he set down the entire mess on the desk, the words 'have fun' forever burned in her brain. Not even going back to university for her doctorate in theoretical physics required such heavy reading.  
  
"This is going to take a lifetime," she groaned to herself.  
  
For reasons unbeknownst to even her, Asuka turned her attention to the far wall, knowing that Shinji's room lay on the other side. She had heard him get home a few minutes ago and go straight into his private sanctuary, as per his usual routine. It seemed very nostalgic and perhaps even... comfortable. She had been in Japan for a week but had hardly seen her old room mate aside from the party and at meals. Of course they hadn't see much of each other in the past, but everything had been different back then. Or at least, that's what she told herself.  
  
'Maybe I am getting a little lonely...' she thought, before laughing aloud. She wasn't a pathetic, lonely spinster like Misato. Yet.  
  
'He did promise to help me after all, and I think this is a good a time as any,' she reminded herself.  
  
Grabbing a small stack of papers, Asuka stood up and made her way to Shinji's room. Stopping outside his door, she knocked but no one answered.  
  
'Probably got those stupid ear buds in.'  
  
She pounded on the doorframe, not liking to be ignored. It wasn't like HE made any conscious effort to see her either...  
  
"BAKA! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!" Asuka demanded, letting her temper flare.  
  
The girl heard some scuffling around from inside the room, then finally the frantic voice she had wanted to hear.  
  
"I'll be out in a minute!"  
  
The day's worth of frustrations combined with the natural impatience of the girl had taken their toll. Her body acted independently of her mind as she grabbed the handle and slid the door back, knowing full well that he could even be changing.  
  
"Whatever pathetic little activity you're up to can wait, this is... important..."  
  
The papers hit the floor.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Nestled in his favourite armchair Touji waited, his action plan fantastic resting on his lap, his right hand tapping on the armrest as he gazed at the telephone.  
  
'What's the matter with me? This is the next step and everything has worked out great so far. Why can't I go further?' Touji berated himself.  
  
He reached forward then quickly withdrew his arm, as if the electric device wished to bite his hand.  
  
It was common knowledge that women and telephones were inseparable. The day scientists figured a way to implant mobile phones into a woman's skulls would spell the global meltdown of the world's telecommunication networks. It was also common knowledge that apart from absolute emergencies, men liked to keep phone calls as short as possible. In Touji's opinion, if he had to talk for more than thirty seconds on the phones, the phone companies were raking up his bill exponentially.  
  
But... he remembered the glowing face of Hikari that day as she talked with her friends, and talked, and talked...  
  
'Sure, I don't mind talking to her at all, but I doubt I'm interesting enough to go that long. Or maybe I don't have to... that guy in the movie just said "uh-huh" and "yeah" a lot, throw in a couple of "I love you's" and she'll do all the talking. YEAH! That's the ticket!'  
  
Confidently he reached forward and grasped the phone and dialled her number. After several long and agonising rings the other end is picked up.  
  
"Horaki household. Kodama Horaki speaking!" came the voice at the other end of the line.  
  
The boy hesitated, sucking a deep breath before answering. "Ah hi, it's me Touji. Can I speak to Hikari please?"  
  
"One moment please."  
  
Obviously, the Horaki household was not known for its privacy, as the phone receiver was not covered. Of course, he couldn't tell if this was deliberate or accidental.  
  
"Hey Hikari, it's your stud on the line!"  
  
Not accidental.  
  
"Ohh, I wonder what he wants," said another younger voice, obviously Nozomi.  
  
"I'll give you two guesses what those might be."  
  
Touji turned bright red and moved the phone away from his burning ears as the two girls giggled on the other end of the line. Definitely not accidental, he concluded.  
  
'And they have the nerve to tell ME I have no shame!' the athlete thought sourly as he remembered the time Kodama had caught Hikari and him sharing a kiss outside the movies.  
  
Finally the wait was over when he heard the sound of someone picking up the phone.  
  
"I'm sorry it took so long Touji, I was right in the middle of putting something in the oven," came the apologetic voice of the class representative.  
  
"That's okay, honey"  
  
Hikari blushed and put her free hand to her cheek. It had been a while since Touji had ever called her that. She was a traditional girl and the western term 'babe' might have sat well with those girls on TV, but not her.  
  
"Thankyou, Touji." she chirpily replied.  
  
Touji blushed in turn, although it was only a little embarrassing- nothing like when he had overheard Hikari's sisters talking about him.  
  
"So, why did you call?" asked the girl.  
  
Touji's mouth dryed up. 'What else happened in the movie? I just remember the part after that where the guy... oh crap I'm screwed!'  
  
"Ah... ah...um, to find out how you are today?"  
  
"How I am?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I'm fine, thankyou."  
  
"...ah... good to hear," Touji slapped his hand over his face. They had been talking barely ten seconds and he was losing her. Even now, the phone company accountants were grinning in their cubicles, watching the price of his phone call skyrocket. It was always so much simpler and cheaper when he just wanted to ask her out.  
  
"So?"  
  
Obviously Hikari was picking up on his difficulties, so he had to do something fast. Suddenly he remembered what he was supposed to do. Talk about her, of course that was opening a whole other can of worms but he decided the benefits outweighed the risks and before proceeding he took the remote control for the TV and tossed it onto another chair on the other side of the room. There would be no distractions like all those other times...  
  
FLASH!  
  
"Yeah, I can go out on Sunday. But guess what? I made it onto the school orchestral tour. I still have more practice to do, but I think it will be a very great learning experience this summer."  
  
Meanwhile on Touji's living room the boy has the phone nestled between his ear and shoulder watching a basketball game on TV when one of the players missed a layup and the opposition stole the ball.  
  
"OH YOU SUCK!" He cried out in protest.  
  
"WHAT?!" screamed Hikari on the other end of the line.  
  
FLASH!  
  
"So, um... How was your day?" asked Touji, lightly rubbing his cheek in response to the phantom pain that particular memory awoke.  
  
"You already asked me that, Touji..."  
  
'Eeep!' Touji thought.  
  
"Besides, you should know that quite well, I saw you watching," Hikari coolly added.  
  
Touji almost jumped out of his chair. "Y-You did?!"  
  
"It's not like everyone can't see you guys under that tree," Hikari pointed out.  
  
"Well you know it was all Kensuke's idea to begin with. Something about establishing an open line of fire..." Touji began, the words coming a lot easier as he reminisced.  
  
When he finally bid Hikari goodnight and hung up the telephone, not even Hikari could believe how long they had been talking for.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Shinji hopped behind the door of his temporary wardrobe to hide himself from view, amidst the roaring laugher of Asuka. He didn't exactly see what was so particularly funny, but it was defiantly embarrassing. Looking down at himself, he examined his suit that consisted of a black blazer and pants with a red dress shirt and black tie. It seemed rather reasonable to him, but the laughter wasn't easily ignorable.  
  
"Is there a problem Asuka?" He squeaked, his head hung in shame and cheeks flushing red. Hell, he had even seen that picture on one of the male models in one of Asuka's magazines! It had been less than a month old, so it couldn't be that out of fashion... could it?  
  
Finally the girl calmed down and bent down to restack her fallen papers. Noticing the lack of mocking, he poked his head out around the door to see Asuka still standing there with a stack of papers in her arms and a strange smile on her face. She was trying to stifle a giggle, but was fighting a losing battle.  
  
"What exactly was all that about?" she said, finally giving in and giggling, "Third Child?"  
  
"Nothing," Shinji whispered.  
  
"Well, to answer your question, I have two points to give you. First, I've never seen you in any formal clothes before, and obviously you haven't worn them before either because they're too big. Also, formal wear isn't accentuated with sneakers. Finally, you're dressed up like your dad."  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"That's all your dad ever wears, well besides the tie."  
  
Meanwhile in Gendou Ikari's office, the man in question sits at his desk with his ever-faithful colleague Fuyutski present beside him. They both watch the surveillance footage from Shinji's room on a drop-down ceiling monitor.  
  
"She's onto you," stated Fuyutski.  
  
Gendou continued watching the monitor, unconcerned. "My dressing habits are not for conversation. Of course, this is coming from the man who wears that brown suit day in, day out."  
  
"It's called a uniform. I don't remember you ever having to conform to the dress codes the rest of us have to abide by," retorted Fuyutski  
  
"Then we shall call this my official Commander's uniform."  
  
"Taking the easy way out, are we?"  
  
"Very well then," replied Gendou, taking the bait, "I shall wear a green turtleneck tomorrow."  
  
"Big step."  
  
Back in the room, Shinji had reluctantly come out from behind the door to let Asuka take a better look. Asuka ran an appraising eye over the boy before returning to her previous line of questioning.  
  
"So you didn't tell me before, what's this," she said, gesturing at him, "all about?"  
  
He blushed again. "Nothing."  
  
A playful smile crept across Asuka's face. This was becoming interesting... "Aww, come on Shinji. Don't you even want to tell me?"  
  
"Not really at all, no," whispered Shinji.  
  
The girl raised a questioning eyebrow. "What was that?"  
  
"Nothing!"  
  
Asuka sauntered up to him with her hands behind her back, pushing her chest out for added effect, almost beaming as the mood went from interesting to almost comical. Shinji looked up for a second and quickly hung his head again, it was all too embarrassing and Asuka was starting to act very strangely.  
  
"Are we trying to impress someone?" she asked.  
  
The young Ikari remained silent.  
  
"I guess we are then," Asuka smiled, "is it someone I know?"  
  
Shinji began to open his mouth, then shut it.  
  
Asuka's smile transformed into a wide grin. "Oh, this IS delicious. Tell me..."  
  
However, her target remained silent and just stood with his head hung. She could hear him whisper something unintelligible under his breath. Suddenly, all semblance of playfulness left her and she grew angry. She tried to reach Shinji and all the baka did was pull away like he always did. Why should she bother?  
  
"Oh, I guess it doesn't really matter. I mean, what girl could ever be impressed by YOU!" she snapped.  
  
Shinji looked up, more surprised than he should have been. It had been a while since he had experienced his last Asuka mood swing.  
  
"Listen mister, you don't know the first thing about being stylish! So you get some different clothes, all stupid little gimmicks. What is worse, all you've done is copied off someone else. The appearance can't hide what's on the inside and you should know that better than anyone."  
  
Shinji was expecting that. No matter how much she had changed, Asuka was still Asuka. He knew that she would react in such a way; he only had one shot at this plan. Off course, the fact that Asuka had caught him off-guard had left him floundering, but if he ran now that would be it for good.  
  
Thus, he had stood still as she berated him, trying to summon up the courage just to utter three simple words.  
  
"And you do?"  
  
Asuka blinked. That simple statement from Shinji hit her like a wrecking ball. Shinji had dared challenge her views, even if it was only of what was socially 'in'. That would not stand.  
  
"Of course I do!" she announced, voice exploding like the Moon from the Earth after First Impact. "I, unlike some people, haven't been living under a rock my whole life!"  
  
"So if that's true, you think that you could teach anybody to be as cool as you then?"  
  
"Well not as cool as I am, that would just be impossible. But I'm sure that my student would be perfectly able to fit into any social situation."  
  
Shinji gulped. It was do or die time.  
  
"So are you willing to bet on that?" he asked.  
  
"Bet?"  
  
"Y-yes... a bet."  
  
The girl crossed her arm, a look of curiosity on her face. "Go on."  
  
"You..." he started, raising his head to look her in the face, "teach me to fit in with other people my age within three weeks."  
  
"You're joking, right?"  
  
He looked away for a second as if consulting some invisible force in the room before turning back.  
  
"No..."  
  
Asuka regarded her fellow pilot with mild shock, looking into his eyes she saw resilience and conviction, something she rarely saw from her comrade and perhaps friend. It intrigued her greatly.  
  
'Mein Gott he's NOT joking! Besides it might make my stay just all that more entertaining... perhaps for the both of us,' she thought to herself.  
  
"The stakes?" she asked.  
  
He had already come this far, it was time to go for Gold. Summoning up all his courage, he spoke the words he had spent that afternoon rehearsing.  
  
"If I win... I would like... to take you to the senior formal."  
  
The room went eerily silent, even the sounds of the city seemed to disappear. Asuka looked directly into Shinji's now terrified eyes with an impassive gaze.  
  
"So, this is what it was all about?" she whispered, uncharacteristically.  
  
Shinji stepped forward towards the girl as suddenly she seemed so lost and fragile. Suddenly her eyes hardened and focused, the innocence previous long forgotten.  
  
"Little Shinji so desperate for a date he has to try and TRICK me into one? Did you really think that was going to work, Third Child?"  
  
The outburst sent Shinji reeling backwards straight onto his bed while Asuka marched forward. The boy looked away from the girl while she loomed over him awaiting his response.  
  
"I'm sorry Asuka... I just wanted to prove something to you," he squeaked.  
  
"Prove?" she asked, her voice faltering, "Prove what?"  
  
"That I am worthy of your time despite all that's happened. I know it was a silly idea now..."  
  
Asuka blinked. It had been a while since she had come to terms with the painful idea that Shinji did not believe he was better than she was, but even then, she had never expected to hear the words out of his mouth. At least, not at a time like this and here he was, embarrassing himself in order to try and win her acceptance, in his usual stoogeish-way but trying none the less. Was she not trying the same thing? Asuka exhaled loudly and unclenched her fists.  
  
"I accept."  
  
Shinji looked up in surprise. "You do?"  
  
She nodded. "I do. But if you lose, you have to go on a date with the bird."  
  
"PENPEN?!" Shinji exclaimed.  
  
"Wark?" came a questioning squawk from the living room.  
  
"We're talking about you, not to you!" countered Asuka loudly.  
  
There was a soft thump, followed by the ruffling and ripping of paper.  
  
"I hope you weren't attached to that magazine," said Shinji with mild amusement.  
  
"I hate that bird so much..." growled Asuka clenching her fist.  
  
"You must hate me a lot too if you want to send me on a date with him."  
  
"No, but I think if I'm being forced to go on a date with a baka, then you should run the same risk," she smiled mischievously, "of course there is one other clause to our contract."  
  
"O-kay..." mumbled Shinji, still in too much of daze.  
  
Asuka grinned and took Shinji's arms and outstretched them before turning around making him blush at the front row seat of her rear end covered by her cutoffs. Why was she presenting herself like this? Did she want him to touch her? Blushing heavily he decided to reach forward a little before the girl turned back around and suddenly his arms became very heavy as a stack of papers was tossed onto them.  
  
"We get my work done first that is!" she beamed.  
  
"Fine," groaned Shinji.  
  
"And stop blushing like that!"  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---- Meanwhile at the Aida homestead, a disturbance in the force is brewing. Sitting behind his computer, Kensuke was going through his many hundreds of new emails.  
  
'Spam, spam, spam, job offer from Microsoft, spam, spam, pornography spam,' he thought to himself, mentally noting to check the last piece of spam out later. Some of Kensuke's geek habits were proving harder to throw off than smoking would have been.  
  
Kensuke then opened another window in his email client and typed in the contributor's address to "Jane's Fighting Mecha". He attached the article he wrote for them this month and sent it off, content in the knowledge that he had increased the sum knowledge of the world (or at least, the part of the world that consists of Mecha enthusiasts). Now with all his regular business done, it was time to move onto the shadow games that were becoming his social life.  
  
The response he had gotten in school had surpassed even his wildest expectations. The only hitch was the whole 'Communist 5th Column trying to take over Japan' thing, but he was confident he could deal with them without inconveniencing his other plans. So confident in fact, that he had decided to advance his timetable considerably. He needed to provide a few more pieces of 'evidence' before some of the girls looked at the rumours logically and released what bull plop they were.  
  
He hacked into the High School message server through the backdoor he had installed during his infiltration mission and left some new rumours on with different ID addresses and time-release packets. Satisfied that he had kept the pot boiling for now, he opened the home page of the Tokyo-3 Times. Entering the classified section, he indicated he wished to have a death notice placed in the paper. Several minutes and one hacking program later, Kensuke had left his message without having to fork out the insignificant amount of Yen it would take to place the add legitimately. Kensuke grinned and cracked his knuckles, content in the benefits of being a hacker. This was followed by a sharp burst of pain as his hacker knuckles, long since deprived of anything remotely resembling calcium, cracked.  
  
'Note to self: Find out how much milk is really in milkshakes.'  
  
The death notice would add another sign of credibility to the existence of Kensuke's dead 'mystery' woman, as well as a lot of his other misinformation. Now all he had to do was sit down and wait for the prey to come to him...  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Another day, another dollar. Shinji returned home from school, dropping his bag and removing his shoes at the door. He had wisely decided not to tell Touji and Kensuke about the debacle last night with Asuka, or of the deal he had struck with her. There were times in his life when he wished his two best friends would stop laughing at him all the time.  
  
Speaking of Asuka...  
  
"Oh Shinjiiii..." she sickly-sweetly called from the lounge room.  
  
'She probably has more records for me to dig through,' he thought morosely as he entered the lounge room. However, he couldn't be further from the truth.  
  
Asuka had moved the sofa up against a wall, leaving some clear space in the middle of the room. If he remembered correctly, Misato had done the same thing for their sync training.  
  
Asuka stood right in front of the sofa, lightly tapping a riding crop in her hands. Where she had gotten a riding crop from was anyone's guess. As far as he knew, she didn't even like horses. Her expression indicated that she meant all business.  
  
To her side stood Pen Pen, with flippers folded behind his back and trying to imitate Asuka's stern look. The tin pot on his head made him look even less authoritarian than cute, but the avian no longer cared. He had managed to open Misato's Yebisu fridge again, and was now at the point where more beer pumped through his veins than actual blood.  
  
"Lets begin, shall we?" she said. Shinji slouched over to her, making sure he stood out of the strike range of the riding crop. He may not have lived with Asuka for a year or two, but the finely honed escape instinct was as strong as ever.  
  
"I'm ready," he said, hesitant. He had spent so much time trying to figure out how he was getting Asuka to help him that he hadn't even thought 'how' she was going to do it.  
  
Asuka began to circle him, riding crop held behind her back and pacing in a precise military march that would make her Prussian forbearers proud. Pen Pen attempted to imitate her, but marching is not suited to a creature that God designed to waddle. Especially one as intoxicated as this particular penguin.  
  
"...warrrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkkkkk..." Pen Pen moaned before passing out and collapsing in a heap.  
  
"Stop slouching," Asuka said to Shinji, ignoring Pen Pen's cry of distress. However, on her next revolution, she kicked the comatose bird out of the way a bit harder than was necessary. 'Serves him right'  
  
Shinji's back raised a little, but only a little. This was meet with a swift slap to the back of the head. Luckily, Asuka had used her own hand, rather than the riding crop.  
  
"Oww! I'm trying," he complained.  
  
"I said stop it, not moderately decrease it!" she said, coming to a stop behind him, "if your not standing like you have a rod up your ass in a second, I really will stick a rod up your ass!"  
  
Shinji sprang to full military attention upon hearing that. Asuka smiled, despite herself. Luckily for her though, Shinji couldn't see her. She did have a reputation to maintain, after all.  
  
"That's better. Now we're done with basic posture, lets move onto walking. Do a lap around the room and come back here," she ordered. Shinji quickly complied, trying to avoid as many slaps to the back of the head as possible.  
  
"I said walk, don't shuffle! Keep that head up! Swing the arms a little!" Asuka said, providing ongoing commentary.  
  
"What's the point of this?"  
  
"If you wanted to be perceived as a man instead of a slug, then start acting like a man!"  
  
"Oh," he said, trying to put a little bit more jaunt into his step.  
  
"A little better. It'll do... for now," Asuka said, grudgingly. Shinji perked up on hearing this. Coming from Asuka, this was as good as hearing her saying "Congratulations."  
  
"Now, for your final lesson for today" she said, a glint in her eye.  
  
"Yes?" he said, expectantly.  
  
"Hello Shinji. It's been a pleasant day today, hasn't it?" Asuka growled in her native German.  
  
"Eep! Sorry!" Shinji squeaked, whatever confidence he had built up in the last few minutes ripped to shreds. He didn't know exactly what she had said, only that in context she was angry and that his name was involved.  
  
"Sorry? Sorry about what?" Asuka said, sighing. God only knows what Shinji would do if Rammenstein staged a comeback tour in Japan.  
  
"Well... you said..."  
  
"I said what, Third Child?" Asuka smirked, stepping closer to him, "if you had bothered to learn the language of Bach and Beethoven, you would realise I merely asked you about the weather. So what's there to be sorry about?"  
  
"Ah... ah... I don't really know, but... but... Sorry!"  
  
"You're doing it again! Is "sorry" all you can say?"  
  
"Oh. I'm s..." Shinji begins, before clamping his hands to his mouth. He didn't need Asuka to tell him that he apologised too much, but it was an ingrained reflex.  
  
"I decide to glare and say a few choice words for no reason whatsoever, and you melt like butter in the sun! Why can't you stand up for yourself once every once in a while?" she stated, brining the riding crop out from behind her once more. Shinji tried to keep a straight face and not flee in terror.  
  
"Because... well, self preservation I guess," he replied quietly.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Shinji decided to take a gamble and open himself up a little. If it succeeded, he might win a little more understanding from Asuka. If not... well, he would win an unmarked grave on the outskirts of Zero Lake.  
  
"Because some people don't want me to stand up to them. Even if I did," Shinji's said, his eyes faltering and looking down at the ground once more. He couldn't stand the questioning look from Asuka's blue eyes. "It would only cause pain."  
  
Asuka blinked. She had expected him to say many things, give as many excuses to avoid the truth. However, this was dangerously close to an actual confession. Maybe she had underestimated him after all.  
  
"Thank you for the first lesson Asuka. I'll try and take them to heart."  
  
With that, he turned on his heals and walked back to his room, his back erect in the manner that Asuka had proscribed. Despite this, his eyes were firmly closed shut as he relied on his memory to get him back to his room. Any moment he expected to hear the sound of Asuka's feet running on carpet, launching herself to tackle him. Yet the apartment is deathly silent, apart from the occasional penguin moan. When he reached the comparative safety of his room, he switches on the lock and collapses behind the door.  
  
'God in heaven... she's incapacitated with rage!' he thought to himself, shaking.  
  
Back in the lounge room, Asuka looked down at Misato's riding crop and sighed. She had thought it would add a flair of theatrics to the proceedings, but it seemed Shinji had taken the threat seriously. She dropped the riding crop and sat down on the ground, a lot less cheerful than when she had begun the lesson.  
  
"Took it to heart, indeed..."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
At roughly the same time, although a few kilometres down the road, Kensuke maintained his nightly vigil in front of the computer monitor.  
  
"Spam, Spam, Cease and desist from Square-Disney, Spam..."  
  
His routine was interrupted by a sudden ringing sound that pierced his ears above the Anime OST track blearing from his computer speakers. Off course, Kensuke fell out of his chair in surprise. Rising to his feet, he dived to pick up the telephone before it rang out.  
  
"Hello?" he yelped, hoping whoever rang was still on the other end.  
  
"Ah, hello," said an unfamiliar voice. An unfamiliar female voice. "Is that you, Kensuke?"  
  
"I think so. Let me check," he said, inwardly cursing for our lame this joke sounded, "yep, still me."  
  
Surprisingly, she actually laughed that. Kensuke sighed to himself in relief. He hadn't lost her just yet.  
  
"I just rang to see how you were holding up. I ran across the newspaper today and saw the obituaries. I guess those rumours at school are true. We never suspected you were really like this."  
  
"I'm coping, I guess. It's all been so sudden."  
  
"Well, I was just thinking about what you must be going through and was wondering if you would like to talk."  
  
"Ah, I appreciate the sentiment but I don't know if I..."  
  
"I know you must still be in shock. I was when my mother died, during an Angel attack."  
  
"Oh... I didn't know. I'm sorry if I've reopened any old wounds," Kensuke said, the regret in his voice not faked. A part of him felt rather guilty that his lies had forced the girl to bring up her painful past. However, the more cynical part of him remembered the old English phrase 'You can't make an omelette without killing a few people.'  
  
"Don't worry. It happened a long time ago."  
  
"But still..." Kensuke said. On the other end of the phone, he heard another female voice talking to the girl. This wasn't something he had expected. There were two of them?  
  
"Ah..." she said, having come to some form of an agreement with her friend, "well, I was wondering... after school tomorrow, would you like to meet up and talk?"  
  
"That... would be nice," he said, pretending to be stunned by the idea to maintain his false grief.  
  
"You know the Café around the block from school? How about we meet after school tomorrow?"  
  
"I'm looking forward to it, ah..."  
  
"Sorry! My name is Reiko Tatomi. I know I've never had much to say to you and all, but..."  
  
'I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"  
  
"Okay, tomorrow then. Night!" she replied, hanging up. Kensuke held the beeping phone to his head for a moment longer before putting it back in its cradle. He had received a number of sympathetic emails from girls while at school, but this was the first telephone call. From Miss Reiko Tatomi of all people, the Head Girl and only person Asuka had been jealous of look- wise back when she was in Class 2A! His face broke into the wild smile he had fought to keep under raps during his conversation. His plan was actually working!  
  
He reached into his pant pockets and pulled out the small tape recorder he had brought the other day to chronicle his efforts. Clicking the record button, he spoke into the little microphone.  
  
"Phase Three completed at 21:00 hours," he said, a wide smile on his face, "The scenario permits a small victory dance upon completion of the stage."  
  
Alone in his room, Kensuke Aida began to do the snoopy dance in front of his computer.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Later that night Misato half walked, half stumbled down the hallway towards her apartment door. She would have been there sooner but in her state of drunkenness she remembered the number of her apartment, just not the street address.  
  
"Why didsh they buildsh all the buildins the shame in thish street?"  
  
With a surprising amount of dexterity that required both arms, the woman produced her key card and swiped it through the card reader after only half a dozen attempts. The door made a small pleasant chime and opened, just as Misato practically fell through the doorframe.  
  
"What was that?" asked Shinji coming out of his room.  
  
"It sounded like a sack of potatoes hitting the floor," responded Asuka.  
  
Misato crawled into the living room while trying to kick off her shoes.  
  
The girl shrugged. "I was close."  
  
Finally succeeding in removing her footwear, Misato uneasily climbed to her feet and studied the two teenagers. Shinji was dressed in his suit while his latest experiment with hair gel almost glistened in the light, while Asuka wore her baggy night shirt and cutoff jeans.  
  
Misato blinked.  
  
'Ish that Sshinnji?' she thought. Shinji didn't dress like that and he defiantly didn't put gel in his hair, there wasn't enough to gel really. Therefore, according to her drunken logic, the boy in the suit couldn't be Shinji.  
  
"I shee you gots a boy over, eh Asooka?. Shingee musht be in hus room then. I'll leave yoush two alone."  
  
But before she went to collapse in her room, she ambled over to Shinji and looked him over carefully, making the boy sweat. Finally, Misato pulled back.  
  
"Okaysh then. But if yoush trhy anfin funnie with her mishter, I've gots a gun and the ballsh to use it. Otay?" She slurred menacingly.  
  
The boy gulped. "Got it."  
  
"Goodsh."  
  
Having said that, Misato stumbled into her room and slid the door shut, followed by a thump and loud snoring several seconds later. Both Shinji and Asuka stared at each other, then back at the door, then back at each other. A smile began to form on Shinji's face  
  
"Well, that was unexpected."  
  
Asuka crossed her arms. "So you fooled a drunk woman. Congratulations."  
  
Shinji's smile began to wane.  
  
"But a good start," she said, covering the small twinge of guilt.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Asuka looked at Shinji, the look of accomplishment written all over his face. It felt strange for Asuka to look at him when he was like that. There were some times when Shinji in all his ineptness could do something that would really make her want to smile. And he was doing it right now. Instead, she looked away and stretched while faking a yawn.  
  
"Yeah well, I think that's enough for tonight. We'll start lesson two tomorrow."  
  
"Tomorrow?" Shinji asked, rather surprised.  
  
The girl raised an eyebrow. "You have a problem with tomorrow?"  
  
"O-of course not. I just thought that you would..."  
  
"Just because I'm looking forward to you lose doesn't mean I'm not going to give you all the help you can get!" she finished, flexing her arm for added effect.  
  
"Of course."  
  
"So rest up Third Child. We have a full day ahead of us."  
  
He nodded. "Uh, sure thing."  
  
Asuka watched as Shinji walked towards his room, no doubt to get changed into his night clothes. As he walked, she didn't notice her eyes wander until they were looking directly at Shinji's butt. In the past, Asuka had caught herself doing this before it ever happened but her mental defences didn't seem to be kicking in. Blinking, she eventually turned herself away.  
  
'Oh geeze,' she scolded herself, almost blushing.  
  
She had watched Shinji grow through puberty, witnessed his body develop... for the better she admitted, but never before had she ever had ever really 'looked' at him like that. Years ago while she still lived in the Katsuragi home she had read in one of her magazines that girls and boys who lived in close proximity to one another for prolonged times had 42% more chance of becoming romantically involved than normal. She had sworn to herself that day to not become a statistic, but now she started to see what the magazine was talking about. Maybe it was her biological clock ticking away, or maybe she just hadn't her 'quality' time for a while...  
  
'Why do I feel like this? It's not like I haven't seen a male rear end before.'  
  
Asuka had honestly never thought that much of Shinji, even while he and she were living under the same roof. She always suspected that Shinji harboured some kind of attraction towards her. It gave her a position of power over the young Ikari, she knew he would never do anything deliberately to displease her and such moulded him into almost the perfect servant but as time passed the attraction of whole 'relationship' was beginning to fade. When she embarked for Germany she remembered the look on Shinji's face, trying desperately to mask the sorrow that he no doubt felt. If it had been months sooner she probably wouldn't have cared less but then she had always been good at masking her emotions. She concluded that Shinji would quickly lose any infatuation with her. It still didn't make the blow to her ego any easier when she saw Shinji talking with that Kirishama girl. She didn't mean to explode like she did, but just the sight of Shinji actually relaxed in the company of another girl actually made her... jealous. She had lived with Shinji for the better part of two years and never once did he loosen up around her. It hurt. But perhaps the shoe was on the other foot now?  
  
Asuka shook her head as she walked towards her room. 'Last time I ever eat a fudgecical before bed, creates too much internal monologue.'  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
Touji felt an odd sense of deja vu as he sat in his armchair facing the telephone, his fingers steepled. A bead of sweat ran down the side of his face.  
  
'Come on ring, damn you ring!' he mentally screamed at the phone.  
  
Suddenly the vigil was broken by a high-pitched electronic ringing noise emanating from the white box in front of the boy. Before it even finished its first ring, he had snatched the receiver from the cradle.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Touji!" Kensuke shouted down the line. "You'll never believe what..."  
  
"Can't afford to tie up the line!"  
  
"But you have call wai..."  
  
Touji put the receiver back into place and returned to his waiting position. Several seconds later the phone began to ring again, hurriedly Touji picked up.  
  
"Touji Suzuhara, this is Kenada Usami from "Who Wants To Win a Lot of Yen?" came the cheesy voice, "your grandfather is on the line for the final question. Which team in the 2007 series lost the finals because of a foul shot?"  
  
"Can't talk now!" responded the frantic teen.  
  
With that he hung up. Then looked at the phone, his eyes dilating.  
  
"F&#K YOU KENSUKE!"  
  
The phone began to ring again. Touji angrily grabbed the receiver.  
  
"What?!" he growled down the line, "oh its you Taka."  
  
He listened for a second. "No, its nothing. I just had some bad calls previously. So what's the word anyway?"  
  
He listened again.  
  
"Yes I know they book months in advance, well excuse me for being stupid and ignorant! Yes I know they were hard to get, so what is the damage anyway?"  
  
The boy's weary eyes fly open.  
  
"So... how much do they sell kidneys for these days?" He asked. "That much? Well I think I need at least one."  
  
Touji's expression changed from shock to anger as he listened to the taunts from the person on the other end.  
  
"I am not a cheapskate! No your sister does not need to know about this! Fine. You've got a deal, but I hate you now you realise. Just making sure."  
  
Sinking further back into the armchair the teen listened as the gravity of the situation became apparent to him.  
  
"Yeah, I'll pick them up tomorrow... you bloodsucker."  
  
He replaced the phone and brought his right palm up to his temple, feeling the screams of thousands of yen that were suddenly silenced.  
  
"First the angel takes one half of me, now Hikari is taking the other half." He sighed. "Well I hope Hikari likes the Kyoto Symphony Orchestra or I just practically sold my body and my soul for nothing."  
  
He picked up the phone for one last time and began to dial.

_To be continued..._

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----

**Author Comments**

_Rion:_

It's taken us a little bit longer this time around with a lot of upheaval in the ranks. Strife with pre-readers, editing and good old fashioned real life getting in the way. Have no fear though, chapter four will be quickly following along behind. I hope you all continue to enjoy reading this as much as we've enjoyed writing it. Also our new Ramen multimedia interactive menu is up at www.operation-a801.com where soon will be available even more goodies like omitted scenes, omakes and production notes.

_Seph:_

Was inactive at the time of this submission and therefore doesn't get his own comments. That will teach him to be online when I am.


	4. Chapter 4 A night on the town

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**JAPANESE RAMEN**

**Chapter 4: A Night out on the Town/The Saga of Tonto McGuinness**

**By Rion and Seph Khan**

**An Operation A801 Ordered Production )  
**

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Things were different in the Katsuragi household the next morning. Within the small apartment, three noises were clambering for recognition. One was the sound of the shower running, the second was a young male singing along to a recorded song on the radio and thirdly, the sound of a riding crop being smacked against something large, like a fridge for example.

"I'm walking on sunshine, woah oh oh! And boy it feels good!" Shinji sang boisterously, while holding onto a pot of rice simmering on the stove.

The boy turned and looked at the radio fondly as if thanking it for the music. 'This song isn't bad. I guess all Gaijin songs aren't so terrible after all,' he thought to himself.

The door to Misato's room slid open and the bleary-eyed tactician emerged, hangover in full swing. However, her years of constant drilling immediately started dissecting the noises. Shower sound: Asuka washing – normal. Singing: unknown - investigate. Riding crop: disturbing – find penguin psychologist.

The woman ambled over to the kitchen in a half-daze, where Shinji had started humming with the tune because he didn't know any of the English words bar the chorus.

"Shin-ji?" managed the woman.

Shinji immediately stopped singing and quickly reached over and flipped off the radio, actually standing to attention in front of the kitchen appliance. Internally he began berating himself for acting so suspiciously, as well as cursing Asuka for her drill-sergeant approach to education.

"Y-yes, Misato?!"

Misato eyed the boy carefully, who seemed very jumpy for some reason. "What are you doing?"

"Umm, umm… cooking breakfast of course!"

"Strange… I thought I heard singing."

"S-singing? Don't be silly Misato."

If it was possible, his stance became even more rigid.

"Maybe it was Asuka," he offered.

In her tired state, Misato's brain quickly jumped to the most logical conclusion. Shinji would never sing like that, it had to have been Asuka.

"Yes, you're right. Must have been Asuka."

'She has a particularly masculine signing voice, however. Might have to have a talk with Ritsuko about the side effects to prolonged LCL exposure. Personally, I thought we took the steroids out after the "Cousin It" incident.'

Shinji sighed in relief.

"Although I had the strangest dream last night," continued Misato.

Feeling that he was in the clear, Shinji returned to his cooking, "hmmm?"

"You were abducted and replaced by an alien that looked like you, and talked like you but had better dress sense."

Shinji's hands tightened. She was onto him whether she actually realised it or not, besides she was going to find out anyway…

"That… was no dream Misato. That was me, I bought some new stuff yesterday and I was getting culture lessons from Asuka."

Misato looked at Shinji wide-eyed, but then her shocked expression turned to mirth.

"Shinji, if I had to pick the real story out of those two I would still have to go with the aliens. No offence!" chuckled Misato.

Shinji held his eyes shut in frustration while his left-hand began its usual action of clenching and unclenching.

'I thought Misato would believe in me, but even she doesn't think I can possibly change myself!'

"Anyway, I think it was really just a boy that Asuka had over last night. He was pretty cute thought, she has good taste," said Misato, stroking her chin thoughtfully, "but I'll really have to have a talk with her about bringing guys home."

'ARGH!'

Looking up Misato saw Shinji shaking violently his left hand in its usual tic.

"Something wrong, Shinji?"

Once more under Misato's inquisitive stare, Shinji's composure fell apart. He felt his cheeks begin to heat up as he searched for an excuse. Finally finding no others, he quickly regained control of his hand and brought it up to cover his right one.

"Nothing at all. I think I got a bit of hot water on myself," replied Shinji, rubbing his hand for effect.

Misato tilted her head to the side and smiled, making Shinji feel even more uncomfortable with his weak ruse. If it had been any other time in the day, it would have already been over. However, Misato was too out-of-it to employ her patented 'Katsuragi interrogation technique,' which involved various photos of Rei undressing in the girls change rooms. Last time he didn't even get past the picture of her removing her left sock before blubbering out Kensuke's plans to set up 'Katsuragi-cam'.

Without hesitation, the woman walked up to the boy and embraced him from behind, trailing her hand teasingly down his cheek.

"Please be a little more careful, Shinji. I can't have my little guy getting himself hurt with only a few weeks left before graduation."

"Y-yes."

Getting the reaction she wanted, Misato smiled again before letting go and walking off in the direction of PenPen's fridge, mumbling something about getting back what was rightfully hers.

Finally out of sight, Shinji let out the breath he had been holding in and smacked his fist down on the counter top in frustration. Had Misato come back or Asuka gotten out of the shower, the stress and surprise would have clearly shown in his eyes.

"Damn it… I've still got a long way to go."

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The shopping malls in New Shinjuku district were crowded with evening shoppers, rushing to finish their business before the stores closed for the night. If any of them noticed the pale albino girl standing in front of the electronics store, they would have soon forgot her in place of more pressing issues- like which store was selling the heavily discounted shoes, fridges and etcetera.

Rei Ayanami stared transfixed at the large flat-screen TV in the window display. She had never owned a television.

'What point,' she had always thought, 'was there in staring at a cathode ray screen for hour upon hour?' However, as she watched the dubbed sub opera, she was starting to understand its dark allure…

"She did what!" Eric yelled angrily as he stood up. "Becky went back to Furnace Creek and took little Eric. She wanted to say goodbye to her parents," Brooke said, sighing with exasperation. 

"_And she felt it was alright if she took the baby with her!" he yelled, incredulous._

Rei blinked. If she had known enough to be a critic, she could have easily pointed out the poor acting, clinched storyline and lousy production values. Yet she couldn't draw herself away. She felt... warm inside.

'Why do I feel this way? Why does it make me want to be…' she thought before her attention was once again caught by the cyclopean god.

"_Oh God… she's going to be so-o-o excited," Brooke cooed._

"_Well, I hope so. The only real reservation I have is… how Rick might react to all this."_

"No!" Rei cried out, to the startlement of those nearby. Her eyes widened in shock as a red tinge appeared on her cheeks. Reaching into her schoolbag, she fumbled ungracefully for her vial of pills. Pouring four of them into her hand, she gulped them down and closed her eyes while waiting for blessed equilibrium to return.

When they opened again, she was calm and her face betrayed no emotion.

'It's getting worse. I must inform Dr Akagi,' she thought as she walked away from the electronics store as fast as her legs would take her.

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Touji stood in front of the doorway to the Horaki's apartment, hand poised to ring the doorbell. He had been standing like this for over a minute now, and had gained some strange looks from the lady who lived across the hall. 

He absent-mindedly tugged at his bow tie. It was a strange sensation, feeling naked and choked at the same time. For once, he was wearing something that wasn't either his tracksuit or plugsuit, and it just didn't feel right. The old tuxedo was his father's; a greyish jacket-and-pants set that had once been black sometime before the Second Impact. The accompanying bow tie reminded him of a hangman's noose, which he hoped wasn't some kind of premonition about tonight.

He looked down at the rose in his hand. It was a replacement of one he had bought from a florist a few days ago. Of course, the florist had only told him how long they lasted _after_ he had bought it. So while the wilted original had been consigned to the garbage bin this afternoon, he had had to find a quick, cheap substitute before his date tonight. Luckily, he was able to get the pruning sheers into the botanical garden without the security guard noticing.

But what to do now? Should he just hand it to her when he opened the door? Was he supposed to keep it hidden behind his back and reveal it as some dramatic moment?

'What to do, what to do?' Touji thought, looking down at his watch. If he didn't press the bell soon he was going to be late, despite the fact he was already there.

'What would Master Hiroshi do?"' he wondered. If this had been a different sort of fic based on a different sort of anime, a ghostly chibi-version of the Ramen stall owner might have appeared on his shoulder and extolled his wisdom about the ways of the world.

More likely, he would have said something along the lines of, "pluck out those damn thorns before you give it to her, idiot!"

"I know! I'll put the rose in my mouth. It's cliché, but it's romantic cliché!" Touji exclaimed. If ghostly-chibi Master Hiroshi had still been there, he would now be wondering how Touji's ancestors had escaped natural selection.

'Is this romantic or what?' he thought as he pushed the bell and placed the rose in his mouth, clamping down on the stem inbetween his lips.

Twenty minutes later, Hikari held her tweezers up to the light-globe and looked at the thorn.

"… and twenty. That should be the last of them," she said, looking down at her boyfriend. He was sitting on the edge of the bath holding a bundle of bloody tissues to his mouth.

"Mim unn oooo mutch paine…." he said behind the tissues. The act of talking meant many of the scabs in his lips would break open and start to bleed... again. "Cwrap!"

"Well, it was a nice, if ill-thought out, gesture. Thanks, Touji," she said, looking at the rose lying on the bathroom dresser. Although its petals were originally red, now the stem and leaves were a similar shade as well.

"Yore Wellcrome…"

"Well, I guess we'll have to stay in for the night," Hikari said, before turning her attention to her boyfriend's strange attire, "I know you really wanted to see the Space Vixens movie marathon, but was a Tux really necessary? Or did you just attend a funeral?"

"Baittoven" Touji said, holding out his hand. Hikari handed him the tissue box, and he took out four more to hold to his lips

"Strange, I thought you said Beethoven," she said, trying to cheer him up. She even forced herself to laugh at the proposition, Touji and her going to a classical music concert! Hikari expected Touji to join in, despite the pain it would cause his mouth.

But he didn't laugh. Instead he reached into his jacket and pulled out two tickets and a concert program. She wasn't close enough to see the actual writing on the tickets, but the concert program was obvious enough. The words 'Kyoto Symphony Orchestra' were printed in large bold type at the top, with a picture of Ludwig Van himself underneath.

"You… you got tickets to see…" Hikari stuttered, shocked. She had always imagined, but never seriously hoped that one day he would do something just for her, something unselfish and noble. Considering how much two tickets to Japan's best orchestra cost and Touji's hatred of all music made prior to 2013, this was undoubtedly both.

"Surprizze…"

"I… I don't know what to say," she said, eyes close to watering. At least, until they peered closer at the tickets and saw what time the concert started. "Oh no! We're already late, and I can't go like this. I've got to change!"

Hikari bolted out of the bathroom, heading straight for her bedroom even though it meant pushing a confused Nozomi out of the way. Touji called out to her.

"But mie mowth!"

"It'll heal! Come on!" came her reply from down the corridor.

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Hyuuga winced as he walked into an auditory wall of rock 'n roll. The bar was packed, the music pounding and Hyuuga's bones were jump'n jump'n in sync with the beat and base, trying to escape from their fleshy-prison

"Hmm, it's a bit quiet tonight," Aoba yelled. After nearly a decade of playing in bars and other assorted dives, a place like this like a home away from home. While his NERV job was important (it paid the bills, and the whole 'protecting the human race' thing had its appeal) here was where he was _really_ alive. The fact that the ringing in his ears was getting louder every year was a small price to pay, in his honest opinion.

"Screw you," Hyuuga shouted. He didn't want to be here. He didn't know what had possessed Aoba to drag him along tonight. Pity? Loneliness? Malice?

"Seriously, Man. Do you see the floor?"

"Of course I do. What's your point?"

"When I play here on weekends, you can't. Too many people."

Hyuuga didn't bother to argue. Based on what little he knew, Aoba could tell him that at the strike of midnight everyone here would turn into pumpkins, and the only way for Hyuuga to find out the truth would be to wait till 12:01.

"So, now what do we do?"

"We drink and be merry. That's the gist of it, so I'm told"

"Smartass," Hyuuga replied, a mumble of words lost under the music. The two began to make their way through the crowd, Aoba navigating inbetween people with ease while Hyuuga had to jostle people out of the way just to keep up. They made their way over to the bar, which was even more crowded than the dance floor.

"Hey Juri!" Aoba yelled at one of the bar girls who was putting money into the till,

"Shigeru!" she squealed, quickly leaning over the bar to kiss him. Hyuuga politely turned away, not wanting to intrude into a personal moment. The fact that he was probably blushing had nothing to do with it. Aoba patted him on the shoulder a few seconds after he had

"Oh, my embarrassed friend here is Makato. Makato, met my new girlfriend, Juri."

"Hey there!" she said, smiling.

"A pleasure," he replied, nodding in a kind of semi-bow. He didn't know what else to say, although he did try to keep his eyes down. Friend or not, he could imagine how Aoba would react if he caught him staring at his girlfriend's large breasts.

"Cute, but is he always like this?" Juri said, leaning over even further to whisper in Aoba's ear. Before he had a chance to reply, another voice called out from down the bar.

"Hey, Aoba and Hyuuga! Over here!"

Hyuuga whipped his head around. Several metres down the bar, Misato was standing on the foot railing and waving to get their attention."

"My my… isn't this a coincidence?" Aoba said, smirking. At that moment, a number of things clicked in Hyuuga's head.

"You… you bastard! I'm not ready yet!"

"Time to sink or swim buddy," he said as he grabbed Hyuuga by the scruff of his jacket and dragged him over to Misato.

"I thought you only played on Thursday and Saturday, Aoba!"

"Yeah, and I normally get paid then. But the manager only got back from his Sendai yesterday, and owes me two weeks back pay. Speaking of which," Aoba said, eyes tracking a middle-aged man as he walked out from behind the bar and through a door marked 'Staff Only.'

"I'll see you guys around, okay?" he said as he followed the other man, turning around to give Hyuuga a thumbs up before disappearing into the crowd. Hyuuga groaned.

"What's the problem? Afraid to be seen with me outside of work?" Misato teased.

"Ah, no no! It's not like that at all!"

"Then loosen up a bit! Do you want something to drink? I'll shout you this time,"

"Thanks, but I don't think…"

"Hey Juri!" Misato called, already waving Yen at Aoba's girlfriend, "a Vodka and Orange for me and..."

She turned to him, "So, what are you having?"

"Ah…" he said, racking his mind for an alcoholic beverage. When none were forthcoming, he fell back on, "…beer?"

"A pint of Yebisu!" she added

"Coming right up Misato!"

Three Vodka and Oranges and only half a pint later, things were getting decidedly blurry for Hyuuga.

"Hey Juri! Another one," Misato yelled.

"Damn sister, haven't you heard of moderation!"

Misato blinked and turned to Hyuuga, who looked like he was really regretting opening his mouth.

"What did you say?"

"I don't know. The last time I got drunk was at university graduation. I was told by my friends that…"

"Told what?"

"Well, that I start speaking…jive," Hyuuga said, looking down into his beer glass.

"That's kind of neat, you know," Misato said, covering her mouth as she giggled.

"Yeah… neat," he muttered, taking another sip.

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A robotic hand was raised aloft in victory and the crowd went wild. The Sumorizer stood triumphant over the mangled wreckage of Divine Wind Bot Mark III, marking the end of the Super Robot Wars deathmatch. "The Sumorizer continues it's three month winning streak!" the announcer yelled, "anyone who bet against it must be kicking themselves now!" 

"Warrrrk!" PenPen replied, clapping his flippers at the TV.

"Oh, shut up," Shinji replied, clenching his fist and imagining unethical uses of Evangelion Unit 01. Disgusted with both the Sumorizer and the bird, he began channel surfing for something better.

As he did so, Asuka walked into the lounge room with an evil grin plastered on her face. It could have been just a normal grin, but previous examples had always been a prelude to serious Baka-bashing. So for the sake of the argument, we'll call this one evil as well. PenPen leapt off the couch and bolted towards the sanctuary of his fridge, hoping to ride out the storm. Shinji remained on the couch, steeling himself for what was coming with his 'brave brave Shinji' face.

"Time for the second part of your education," Asuka said, eyebrow raised sardonically, "think you're ready?"

"I'll manage. What are we going to do?"

"We're going clubbing. Get dressed, it'll be best if we get there before the rush starts."

"I don't want to sound like a naysayer here…" Shinji began, aware of the displeasure now showing on Asuka's face.

"But?" 

"We're under eighteen and tonight is a school night," he pointed out. She shook her head.

"You really are naive, aren't you?" she said, but Shinji just stared blankly at her. Asuka sighed, "Just let me handle this okay? I had some friends back home make some fake IDs for me, I can get us past the bouncers."

"Well, what will Misato say?"

"She won't know we're gone!"

"…if we bump into her at the bar?" Shinji finished. Asuka was silent, grappling with this unexpected valid point.

"Oh… Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Lets go!"

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Touji and Hikari were sitting together in the concert hall, listening to the closing notes of Beethoven's 9th. Several of the society matrons sitting close to them were scowling at the two teenagers, who seemed more interested in each other than the music.

'It's been an hour and he hasn't made a joke about the poor fat orchestra conductor,' Hikari thought, 'for that matter, he hasn't said a word. Has he finally grown up?'

'I mustn't talk… I mustn't reopen sores on lips… But dear god, I want to make a joke about the fat conductor…' Touji thought, a cold sweat on his brow.

Hikari leant to her side and rested her head on Touji's shoulder. This got even more hostile glances from the elderly socialites

'She seems to be enjoying herself. I haven't seen her so affectionate since I got out of the hospital after the 13th…'

"Touji?" Hikari whispered.

"Mmmm?" he replied. She continued to whisper, so as not to disturb the audience around them.

"I know how much this must have cost you. I just want to say… thanks."

"Mhm mhm," Touji mumbled happily.

"I hope you're enjoying this. Beethoven is my favourite classical composer," she said. Touji had the foresight not to ask when they'll be playing the Star Wars theme.

'Well, she likes it, and I'm not completely bored stiffless. This was a good idea after all,' he thought, trying not to smile and cause further injury.

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Misato drove through the streets of Tokyo-3 as recklessly as normal. Hyuuga sat in the passenger seat, watching the road streak by. Although Misato had had a lot more to drink, she could handle her liquor better than her adjutant could. Hyuuga should have prevented her from driving, but besides, it was hard to tell the difference between Misato's drunk driving and her 'regular' driving style.

"I never said thank you, you know," Misato said, drawing Hyuuga's attention away from the road.

"Thank you for what?"

"For rushing over to my place and picking up the sync test. If you hadn't, I would have had to rush back and get it myself, delaying the whole test by an hour. The Commander would have had my guts for garters..."

"It's nothing... "

"Still, I've been feeling sorry for jumping down your throat over it at first in order to cover my own ass."

"I said it was nothing!" Hyuuga said, sounding a bit more irate than he meant to. Misato was silent while Hyuuga mentally kicked himself.

"Ah… I had fun tonight," he said, trying to salvage the conversation.

"Really" said Misato, smiling a little again, "then I've got to drag you out from work more often then."

"Yeah, that would be nice," he replied.

"You're pretty cute for a shy guy, you know?" Misato said as she suddenly hit the brakes. Hyuuga didn't know what shocked him more- the comment, or being forcefully thrown forwards by inertia.

'I guess seat belts do save lives,' a part of his mind noted absently.

"This is your stop, I believe," she said. Hyuuga looked out the window. The car had come to a stop right outside his apartment. Like many before him, Hyuuga wondered whether he should be grateful for surviving a trip with Misato.

"Yeah, thanks," he said, undoing his seat belt and opening the door even as his heart screamed to stay there with her.

"Hey Hyuuga?" Misato called. He turned around just in time as she disengaged her seat belt and enveloped him in a bear hug.

'Is this a dream?' he thought as he tentatively wrapped his own arms around her.

"Want to go out on the weekend?" she asked.

'Yep, it's a dream,' he thought, 'the alarm clock will ring any minute now.'

"Sure," he replied, his voice narrowly disguising his joy. The two broke apart and Hyuuga stepped out of the car.

"See you at work, Makato," Misato said as she leant over to close his door.

"See you, Misato," he said, stepping back from the car as it pulled off the curb and accelerated down the street.

He stood outside his apartment building, alone and still stunned long after she had gone. His arm was dotted with little bruises, where he had pinched himself to make sure what had happened was real.

Makato Hyuuga had never been happier than he was now, feeling the sharp stinging pain on his arm.

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Outside one of the many nightclubs in downtown Tokyo-3, the blaring dance music could be heard even at the near-end of the line, which was where Shinji and Asuka were located. Shinji smoothed out his jacket and wondered firstly how he had gotten himself into this mess and secondly, did he really look like his father? Off course, these thoughts were completely washed away when he turned to look at his companion. He did have to admit she looked good in her matching black blouse and miniskirt with knee high boots, and it certainly made her look older than what she really was. Leaning to the side in order to look down the line of people, he saw at least twenty people standing ahead of them, all in their mid twenties. He then looked behind him to see a man and woman kissing, making him blush deeply and turn back around.

"What is the matter with you?" asked Asuka, her tone obviously irritated.

"Nothing!" squeaked the boy.

Surely, Asuka didn't buy that.

"Then shut up, stop looking around like an idiot and try and look impassive, blend in."

"But all the other couples are…" argued Shinji, who promptly shut up when he realised what he was saying.

"I know… I'll take care of it when the time is right," snapped Asuka, before mumbling to herself, "the things I do to get into nightclubs."

Just before the couple in front of the teens was let though, Asuka picked up Shinji's arm and draped it across her shoulder, pressing herself against his side. Shinji meanwhile shifted into high alert, his whole body began to tremble as he feels Asuka's curves pressed snugly against him.

"Don't get any strange ideas Third Child, this is just to make us less conspicuous, and stop shaking!" hissed Asuka.

Shinji nodded, although still continuing to fidget, of course. Asuka was just using him to blend in. She meant nothing by it.

'Come on, this is my chance to show Asuka I'm not a total screw-up yet I'm blowing it!'

Shinji shut his eyes and straightened his shoulders, mimicking the impassive look he saw the other patrons.

"Good boy…" whispered the girl, making Shinji's knees go weak once again.

Maybe he wasn't.

The two stepped up to the very large bouncer standing in the doorway to the club. He peered at them through his dark sunglasses and gave a small smirk. Asuka just flashed a ditzy smile at him and snuggled back up to Shinji, who gave a knowing nod. As they almost reached the door the bouncer piped up.

"ID's please," said the man in a gruff voice.

Asuka uncurled herself from Shinji and reached into her purse to produce her ID. The bouncer nodded and opened the door.

"Have a good night, Miss Katsuragi," he replied.

"Thank you," cooed Asuka as she stepped inside, shaking her hips.

The man took a moment to savour the view before he turned back to Shinji, "Sir?"

Shinji gulped and reaches into his pocket and shows the fake card that Asuka had slipped him when they first got into line. The bouncer examined it for a second then lowers his glasses and read the card again just to be sure.

"Mr McGuinness, you must have had some wonderful cosmetic surgery, you certainly don't look 28…" he said, turning the card around to show Shinji the photo of the grinning red-haired Caucasian on the front, "or Irish."

'Goddamnit Asuka! I must run away, I must run away!'

Shinji started to turn, ready to flee the scene until the bouncer put a hand firmly down on his shoulder. At this point Shinji's mind had shifted into 'panic mode' and he began to ramble.

"Ididn'tmeantodoitbutAsukareallywantedtocomeandIdidn'twanttoletherdownandnotimpressherbecauseIcouldn'tlivewithmyself!"

"Woah, slow down! I don't need to hear your life story. But perhaps we could come to some kind of… arrangement."

Shinji reached for his wallet.

"Forget about money, I prefer entertainment. I'll give you two choices."

Shinji whimpered as he wondered what they were. He had seen enough Yakuza films to warp his view of reality.

"You can either dance an Irish jig for me, or I can shove this antique American Xbox controller up your ass."

Shinji cringed, feeling his body scream at him to take the first option.

"As tempting as number two sounds, I think I'll go with the jig."

The bouncer looked forlornly at his box of unused US version Xbox controllers next to the doorway.

"They always pick number one. I'm never gonna get rid of these things," he grunted, "so be it."

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"I'm home!" chirped Misato as she stepped into the apartment.

Misato listened for the telltale signs of teenage activity; TV – off, stereo – off, rooms – vacant, bathroom – vacant. Finding none her tactical mind quickly deduced a likely occurrence.

"Must have gone out," she shrugged, "they better be back before twelve though, it's a school night."

The woman shrugged of her outer clothes as she made her way to the bathroom, inside of which she stripped out of her remaining clothes and began to run a warm bath.

'I wonder if they went out together?' she asked herself as she sank into the warm water.

'No. I couldn't really see Shinji running off to clubs with Asuka, but then he's always done a lot of things he never liked when in her company… maybe…'

She chuckled to herself as she remembered when Shinji was coaxed, or forced into bungie jumping with Asuka during their vacation at Okinawa. Shinji was about to chicken out when she shoved him off the platform. All the attendants agreed that they had never heard someone scream quite so much even after been lowered to the ground. But the more she thought about it, Asuka was always getting Shinji to do crazy things with her, and Shinji kept agreeing.

Misato tilted her head back into the water looking straight up at the ceiling almost swearing she could see her two young charges staring back at her.

"I wonder what they're doing right now…"

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"You are the lord of the dance!" chanted the bouncer.

"I-I am the lord of the dance," replied Shinji as he trotted around the sidewalk, his voice not the only thing weakening.

"You are the lord of the DANCE!" growled the bouncer, shaking his fist angrily.

'It sure is a big fist,' the boy noted. Fear drove him onward to redouble his efforts.

"I AM THE LORD OF THE DANCE!" cried Shinji.

The boy used what little knowledge he had gathered from the discovery channel on Ireland, river dance and TV commercials for Lucky Charm cereal to construct a very shaky jig that consisted of an awful lot of bouncing and prancing. It was obviously not a real Irish jig, but from the reaction he was getting from his 'audience,' they didn't really care. The bouncer clapped his hands together loudly, laughing his head off, along with half the other patrons of the club, some of which had even come outside to watch.

"Faster!" demanded the bouncer.

Panting and sweating Shinji had no idea how long he could keep the act up for but the guard's fist seemed bigger and stronger every time he looked at it… It was humiliating and it was all one person's fault.

'Damn you Asuka! DAMN YOU TO HELL!'

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Misato emerged from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her body and her damp hair hanging limp behind her. She wandered over to the fridge and opened it to find a horde of half eaten meals, the ones containing fish completely gone.

"Strange, guess I'll have a beer instead," decided Misato, "whatever Makato says, I can drink a few more before needing a 'dang stomach pump…"

She opened the lower drawer expecting a shelf full of beer, but was instead greeted by a shelf of nothing, besides a few empty scans scattered on the trays.

"This is starting to get annoying."

Walking over to the other fridge, she opened it to find PenPen nestled in one of Asuka's blouses, quietly sleeping off his raid while surrounded by crumbs of food and empty cans. The woman's annoyed face curled up into a twisted smile as she looked down on her quarry.

"Bingo."

She reached down and clamped her hand over the penguin's beak, waking up the bird in a start. He tried to wark in alarm, but Misato's grip remained firm. Noticing his master's evil smirk, he struggled even harder before realising it was hopeless and resigned himself to his fate. Misato scooped the bird up in her free hand and hoisted him into the air… rather difficultly, considering his sudden weight gain.

"I think we need to have a little heart-to-heart talk, my feathery friend," stated Misato as she carried her pet into the kitchen mumbling under her breath how something made of feathers could be so heavy.

"Warkkkk," cried PenPen in a disheartened tone.

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Completely humiliated but finally inside, Shinji stood at one of the side bars and looked dejectedly at his second glass of whatever he had ordered, a "Black Prussian" or something like that. Feeling the presence of another person in front of him, he turned around to see Asuka, who beamed at him. He turned back to gaze at his glass.

"Having fun?" grinned the girl as she sidled up to the bar.

"No…" grimaced Shinji.

"Look on the bright side, they let you in."

"Yeah but only by publicly humiliating myself," complained Shinji, although a look of relief washed over him briefly, "but then at least I didn't have to do the alternative."

"The old Xbox controller option huh?"

Shinji looked up from his drink. "What?"

"Never mind." Asuka quickly covered, not ready to reveal the wild nature of modern German raves at that time, "just loosen up a bit and have some fun."

Shinji threw Asuka a glance that crossed between curiosity and hostility. The girl was slightly started, to say the least.

"Fun? That's a strange way of describing all this."

Asuka then did something Shinji would never have expected. She walked over, put her hands on his shoulders and leaned down, her lips now right next to his right ear. Shinji shivered slightly as Asuka grinned.

"Okay, maybe we skipped a few chapters in your training. However, you'll look back on this one day and laugh, alright? So come on, finish your drink and I'll teach you how to dance."

'She's doing it again, she's manipulating me! For all I know, she was on the other side of those doors watching and laughing at me. But she's never been this open and forthcoming with me before. Maybe she's drunk? Maybe I'm drunk? No… it's got to be a trick, Asuka is only doing this for her own personal amusement.'

Shinji's veins began to course with a strength he never knew he had. Either that, or it was the high-alcoholic content cocktail mixing with his low tolerance body. He opened his lips and said something before his mind even caught on.

"I think I've already done enough dancing tonight. I'm sure you enjoyed it."

"What?" asked the girl, obviously confused.

"Watching me make a fool of myself outside just so I could go clubbing with you. Everyone always told me that you were a sadist, but I didn't believe them until now."

Shinji felt Asuka's hands leave his shoulders, but before he could miss their presence, his face was introduced to her fist, knocking his head hard to the left.

"You always were a fool," she growled, "I win this stupid bet, hope you and that damn penguin have a good date next week."

Shinji listened to the angry stomp of Asuka's boots as she made her way to the dance floor. The boy sipped the rest of his drink and then hung his head in shame until the bartender reached over to pick up his empty glass.

"Sir? Another Black Russian?" asked the bartender.

"Another Black Prussian please."

The bartender was a student of the Tokyo-3 Academy of the Arts, and of course had to do this night job to make ends meet, but it could have been worse. The work wasn't that hard and the pay was above the minimum rate. The only part of the job he hated was when he had to put up with the taunting and ignorance of obvious minors. It was insufferable!

"Of course, Mr McGuinness…" replied the man, menacingly.

'Do I naturally piss people off or something?' Shinji wondered.

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"You know what your problem is? You're too civilised. You're a smart bird. You've been in the presence of humans for too long, and know you're beginning to think and act like us. Now I'm sure some biologist or researcher would probably go ga-ga over that, but the fact remains- you have human problems. I blame myself, it's my lifestyle that has corrupted you, but I'm going to change that right here and now!" stated Misato.

PenPen leaned his head to the side curiously.

"Waaarrk?"

Misato shook her head dismissively, "we'll have none of that cutesy poo acting, thank you. You're an alcoholic, an obsessive eater and a very lazy bird to boot."

"Warrrk!"

"Don't shoot the messenger!" said Misato, holding her hands up defensively, "you're out of control and if you want to act human then you also have to adhere to human rules and responsibilities. First we'll be phasing out your alcoholism and overeating, I'm tired of having to clean up your little messes and dealing with a hungover pet."

Misato paused to take a swig of her own beer. PenPen scowled as only a penguin can. Finishing her beverage, Misato help up an electronic lock and several plastic swipe cards that all strangely had 'Property of NERV security division' engraved on them.

"As such, I'll be installing a lock on the fridge that only works with this key card. We'll be able to control your alcohol and food consumption much better this way. This will help us solve problems one and two. For problem three, starting tomorrow Shinji will be taking you to the hot springs to do laps."

The penguin sighed, "wark…"

Noticing her pet's distress Misato scooped him up into her arms and hugged him tightly as he tried in vain to escape.

"Don't worry, you'll see. You'll be a better per… I mean penguin because of all this! Of course Ritsuko says I'm doing this because my maternal instincts are kicking in and you're the closet thing I have to a child, but I don't believe that for a second, hahaha!"

The torture was over when she released him from her grasp and he slid back onto his chair with his feathers literally ruffled. Satisfied, Misato grabbed the locking system and set to work installing it, however her vast knowledge of assembling do-it-yourself furniture with an alan key proved useless. After much screaming, cursing and the use of many screws that rendered the fridge looking more like a pincushion than a food storage device, it was done.

Wiping her brow, Misato looked up at the wall clock and gasped at the time.

"I'm going to miss the documentary about Julius Caesar's campaigns in Gaul!" the woman said, suddenly remembering.

In her rush to get to the TV, Misato dropped all her tools and more importantly, the keycards on the kitchen table. If she had remembered, she would have still been secure in the fact that PenPen couldn't fly, so he couldn't reach them.

PenPen looked up at the table from his position on the floor, then at the fridge, then at the chair Misato had been sitting on and then at the stack of old telephone books in the corner of the kitchen. Misato was about to get a cruel lesson from nature that human intervention was just a stall in every sense of the word.

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Asuka threaded her way through the dancing crowd towards the relative safety of the bar, desperately in need of water.

God she was thirsty! Despite being in the peak of physical fitness (as if she, let alone NERV would accept anything less), dancing for half-an-hour nonstop had taken it out of her. She would normally have taken a few-minutes rest ages ago, but she couldn't bring herself to talk to Shinji again. It wasn't like she was running away from him, she reasoned. She was merely… keeping her distance.

"Some water please!" she yelled at the bartender when she finally got his attention. He handed her a glass and then demanded an exorbitant amount of Yen for what was basically tap water. Even if it did have one of those novelty paper umbrellas in it.

"You know, it's customary to drink alcohol at the bar," said a man who had suddenly appeared next to her. Asuka turned to look at him. He was pretty good looking and was well dressed, even if it was in a 'Wannabe Yakuza thug' sort of way. Normally she would have been happy to talk to him, but tonight she wasn't in the mood for flirting.

"I'll stick to my water, thankyou very much," she said coldly, hoping he would get the hint and leave.

"But where's the fun in that?" he asked, smiling sweetly, "I know, how about I get a shot for you while I…"

"No thanks," she said, resolutely, "I'll go and drink somewhere else now."

She made to get off her stool, but a hand on her right grabbed her and forced her back down onto her seat.

"Not just yet. It isn't very polite to refuse a drink, you know?" said the newcomer who had grabbed her shoulder. He grinned at the man who had been chatting her up, who smirked right back. Her blue eyes glared into his cruel, brown agates and Asuka could not help but think that they had met before.

"If those hands aren't gone in two seconds, I'll break them. This is your only warning," Asuka growled, barely suppressing the rage that had awoken in her. She surveyed her surroundings. She could fight both of them and wipe the floor with their asses. However, there were a number of other guys standing nearby, all who were watching what was unfolding at the bar with amusement.

'Crap, are those are all his friends! Not even I can fight them all at once, can I?'

"I doubt it Asuka. There's not much you can do without that big red robot of yours now, is there?" said the first guy.

"So my reputation proceeds me," she said, darkly. He leant closer to her, so that their faces were mere centimetres apart.

"Of course, Asuka. I've told all my friends about you, in quite some detail. But the question is, do you know me?"

A number of things clicked in her mind at that moment, as recollection finally made itself known.

"Well, what do you know," she said, "it's that guy I dumped at the amusement park years ago. Finally figured out I wasn't coming back, hey Keito?"

Keito scowled at the reminder of that long-hated day so many years ago.

"The great Asuka Langley Sohryudeigns to remember me. What a joyous day!" he said, laughing sardonically. A couple of the guys around him sniggered, but the rest were silent.

"The trip down memory lane has been nice, but here's a little advice- get over it. Now beat it, before I scream for help to the bouncers."

"I'm afraid not, my little forget-me-not friend. My dad owns the place, and they know which side their bread is buttered on."

Asuka looked to her side. The bartender was bending over the glass polisher on the other side of the bar, doing his best to look in any other direction but theirs. She could expect little help from any other of the clubs patrons either, as the loud music and Keito's surrounding friends would block all signs of a struggle.

'Damn, he isn't bluffing. It's all up to you, Asuka!'

She smiled warmly at her enemies, hoping to throw them off guard for a few seconds. Then, with absolutely no warning she whipped her head forward in a head butt, connecting solidly with Keito's nose. The young man fell backwards, clutching his broken nose as blood spurted out from around in between his fingers.

Unfortunately, the force of the blow was enough to daze Asuka momentarily as well. By the time she turned to deliver an uppercut to the member of Keito's gang near her shoulder, he had stepped far enough back that her punch went wild. As she tried to right herself, he stepped forward and slapped her with his full strength. Asuka slammed into the side of the bar, clutching her bruised cheek and wondering in her pained-bewilderment whether any of her facial bones had just broken. The man who had slapped her grabbed her by the hand and yanked her up.

"Fucking…German… BITCH!" Keito nearly screamed from behind his cupped hands, blood spilling down his face, "Take her to our guest room, and then we'll see whose fucking boss!"

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"Oh great, not again," said the artistically-inclined bartender as he saw the signs of the scuffle developing over by the main bar, "That Keito punk wants the redhead gaijin as his new plaything"

"Quiet! If word gets back to Old Man Mizaka, you'll be lucky if you only lose your job!" said the glassie standing next to him, "Besides, shouldn't you be serving?"

"Yeah, yeah," he replied, picking up the cocktail he had just made a and putting it on the actual bar, "Here's your scotch and coke, Mr McGuin… AHH!"

The offered drink was battered aside with a force not becoming of the scrawny young man who had just bolted to his feet. The glass shattered against a Midori Promo poster, wet-glass shards bursting outwards like so-many pieces of crystal shrapnel.

All thoughts of self-pity, all thoughts of how Asuka had treated him tonight were gone from Shinji Ikari's mind. His entire being was concentrated on the bar at the other side of the club, where some sort of struggle seemed to be unfolding. There were a lot of them, and from what he had overheard, no one was going to help the 'red head gaijin'. Asuka.

Deep inside him, something he had thought long dead flared into life once more. Shinji sprinted forward from a standing start, legs pumping as he tried to get to her as quickly as possible. He didn't bother to duck and weave through the crowd. Those who didn't move out of the way of the maddened young man were knocked aside, social niceties be damned.

Shinji felt warm all over. Everything but the fight ahead was coloured in various shades of red. A trickle of saliva trailed from the side of mouth as he shrieked the hunting cry of the Third Child, Mecha-jockey extraordinaire.

Beserkergang.

Now, Shinji was not what you would consider a heavyweight in the strength/weight department. He would never be able to fight them fairly, one on one, mano-mano. Luckily, underneath the rage some shred of his combat training remained.

Misato had once told him that "_a fair fight is for suckers"_. Victory does not go to the honourable, but to the one who will go the final mile, who will do what the other cannot or will not. He had to use every single moment to wound and hurt before they could do the same to him.

He was there. Springing forward, he landed on the back of the thug who had just slapped Asuka. With his fingers spread around the man's head and fingers looking to gouge his eyeballs, Shinji leant in and bit savagely at the man's neck

"He's biting me! For the love of God, he's biting me!" the man cried, letting go of Asuka and stumbling back. Just as he finally managed to get Shinji's hands away from his eyes, Asuka's high-heel encased foot made contact with his unprotected crotch.

As he fell to the ground with Shinji in tow, another one of Keito's more heavily muscled friends grabbed Shinji by the scruff of his neck and threw him over the bar, straight into the liquor display cabinet at the back.

Glass bottles rained down around him, many making contact with the sprawled form of Shinji Ikari. But despite the pain, he was still moving. What it did do, however, was snap him out of his berserker rage. Where once there was fury, now only steel cold determination remained.

With the grace of a gymnast, Asuka flipped backwards over the bar and landed in a handstand. With equal speed she kicked off her high-heels and flipped once again onto her feet, just in time to kick out at another of Keito's friend trying to grab her leg.

"He's my punching bag, so hands off!"

'It's just like fighting an angel in Unit 01,' Shinji thought, 'only not so bad.' This time, there was little chance of being boiled alive or dissolved into goo. As years of Eva training flooding back he reached over his shoulder and clasped a unbroken bottle of whisky that had somehow stayed on the shelf. It wasn't a prog knife, but it would do.

Target in the center, thrust forward. In one move, Shinji leapt to his feet and pushed off from the bar bench, hurtling towards his foes.

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The security cameras never knew they were being hacked. Up against the full processing strength of SC Magi Casper, the small mainframe that ran the nightclubs security systems didn't stand a chance. Itesuna Watanabe, the man who was supposed to be watching the footage wouldn't have known either, even if he had been awake.

At that moment, the collection of hardware, software and wetware was relaying the images onto the main holographic projector of the Command and Control Bridge. While a team of janitors roamed the complex and a skeleton crew led by Lt Ibuki manned the secondary bridge, only two men watched the bar fight unfolding on the main screen.

"You may intervene if the situation becomes life-threatening, but only then," Gendou Ikari said coldly into the phone. On the other end of the line, the head of Shinji's security detail tried to argue a little longer, but Gendou was not a man who suffered people to disobey orders.

"Stand down. That is an order," he said with a note of finality in his voice before hanging up.

"Takes you back, doesn't it?" Fuuyutski said. Gendou allowed himself to smile… a little.

"That it does, old friend. That it does…."

"He handles himself well in a bar brawl, for an avowed pacifist."

"Off course. It seems he has inherited more than just my looks."

"The three years of combat training aren't hurting either. Looks like Section 2 were worrying about nothing, after all," Fuuyutski said.

Up on the screen, the fight had moved over to the pool tables. Now surrounded by a chanting crowd, Shinji had gotten his hand on a pool cue and was wielding it like a broadsword, striking all those who came towards him. He seemed to be aiming for the eyes, throat and groin in particular. Asuka was at his back, holding a chair by its leg and lashing out at any of the men who made the mistake of coming to close.

The two elderly men fell back into silence. Strangely, Gendou was the one who finally broke it, another strange departure from his normal persona.

"And all to protect the Second. It seems she will play an important part of this scenario."

"They do make a good team. I think we may have created a monster, Ikari."

"We have created many monsters in our time, old friend."

The two went silent again as they dwell on their unsavoury pasts. Up on the screen, Shinji has broken the pool cue over someone's head and was now wielding the two shards in his separate hands as bokkens.

"So, do you want some popcorn?" Fuuyutski asked.

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The music has stopped and the lights of the club have turned on simultaneously, blinding those still on the dance floor. The majority of the patrons, however, were gathered around the fight. The added light meant that they could now watch the spectacle with greater clarity. Two of the girls who had also gotten into the club with fake IDs stood at the edges of the battle arena, watching the beer bottles and teeth fly.

"Look at that guy go!" Yume said in amazement.

"Wasn't he that Irish guy who did the jig to get into the club?" asked her friend Reiko.

"It looks like Lord Ironfist! Whatshisname, Shunji? Shinji?"

"Shinji's Irish?" Reiko asked.

At that moment, Shinji had been stamping down on someone's kneecap while slashing at someone else face with his bokkens. His eyes darted back and forth, looking for another challenger.

"He must be," Reiko said, heart fluttering, "he fights like the true Lord of the Dance!"

"A rabid monkey on crack, more like it," Yume said dryly

"Such emotion, such drive... No wonder he hangs out with Kensuke," Reiko said, sighing like the lovesick teenager she was. Yume ignored her, concentrating on the fight.

"Well, all that time spent alone in his room must have really improved his hand/eye coordination! Go Lord Ironfist!"

"Go Lord of the Dance!"

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Between the two of them, Shinji and Asuka had taken out all those who had opposed them. Keito was curled up in a ball on the ground, thought it wasn't enough protection from Asuka's additional kicks.

"No one fucks with a German and gets away with it, arschloch!" Asuka growled, spitting before kicking him once more for good measure.

"You… okay?" Shinji managed to get out in between gasps for breath. He wiped the froth that had gathered around his mouth with the sleeve of his dress-shirt.

"Better than them, at least."

"Then let's… go home," he said, dropping his 'progressive pool cue shards'. The bouncers were finally appearing out of the woodwork, and it didn't look like they would blame their boss' son for the burly brawl that had erupted in his nightclub.

In later years when Asuka thought back about that momentous night, she could never pick who had thrown the bottle. Was it one of Keito's friends who had managed to get to his feet without them noticing? One of the crowd who did it out of spite or just for a joke?

It was too late to dodge, but she shouted out a warning anyway. Up to that point, Shinji's Evangelion training had been more than just a boon. As he fought, at times it seemed like he was in Unit 01's cockpit. Pain was inconsequential, merely nasty feedback from a high sync ratio. However, as the bottle hurtled towards his head with remarkable accuracy, his training betrayed him. Sweeping his arm out wide, Shinji focused his mind and cried at the top of his lungs

"Spreading AT Field!"

In the brief second before contact, he finally remembered he wasn't in Evangelion Unit 01. But by then, it was too late.

_To Be Continued…_

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**Author Comments**

_ Rion:_

Well we're back. Its been a long year for us both, final year of university for Seph and working my guts out 50 hours a week for a Japanese company that should have stuck to air conditioners rather than computers. Still the Ramen project marches on and as we approach the halfway mark its time for reflection of what we have done and what we still have to do. For all those who have been commenting about the shallowness of the material all I can say is keep reading and you will find more substance as the story develops, we are certainly nowhere near the peak yet. I would also like to acknowledge our newest pre-reader and editor Brie Cheeze for his work with us on this project and his efforts to help us bring you the most readable story we can. Also stay tuned for the halfway specials written by Seph and I, I was hoping to get mine out by Christmas but time does make fools of us all. But early in the new year you will see "Ramen part 5" and "Its a Rameny kinda Christmas". Best holiday wishes to all, and to all a good afternoon.

_ Seph:_

Baka Seph was nowhere to be found at the posting of this chapter and will yet again remain as silent as the walls that keep him imprisioned.


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